Quotes by Adam Sandler

I can handle pain.

I'm filthy rich!

I don't laugh at me. I used to. I used to get the giggles when I'd see myself. But now, I see myself onscreen, and I sure don't laugh.

My hobbies are run-on sentences.

I immediately said yes for one reason and one reason only....Netflix rhymes with Wet Chicks.

I've always just had troubles with my family because I'm psychotic. It had nothing to do with that.

It's hard to soar with the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys.

It's just weird that out of nowhere God said, May the three best-looking guys in Hollywood have babies -- Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt and me. It was bizarre that God said, I want to make the planet more beautiful, and I got the call.

I don't like being on a horse. That's the only negative of doing a Western. I like the whole get up, and I look great in a hat. But I get tense around horses. So, if they could make a fake horse, then I'd do a Western.

Hanukkah is...the festival of lights, instead of one day of presents, we get eight crazy nights.

Eat turkey all night long, 50 million Elvis fans can't be wrong.

I grew up cursing a lot.

Paul Newman's half Jewishand Florence Henderson's half, tooPut them together,What a fine looking Jew!

On this lovely, lovely Hanukkah, drink your gin and tonica.

I wish I was a better athlete. That would have been a little cooler, being a great boxer and walking into a room and going: I can knock everybody out! That's a good feeling.

I'm just looking to make good movies and looking to be as good as I can be in them and that's about it. But I feel much more comfortable doing a comedy, but the fact that I got to try a few dramas, I feel I've tested myself a little bit.

When you're shooting a movie you are away from home most of the time. It's an amazing thing that we get to do what we get to do, but you definitely are away from the family more than you'd like to be.

Bedtime stories were definitely a big part of my life because I was just so excited my father was talking to me.

I finished a big book the other day. 421 pages. That's a lot of coloring when you think about it.

The only reason I got into stand-up was because my brother told me to. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. I was 17 and my brother went to a comedy club and he said -- you can do that.

When I was kid, yeah, my family, my parents wanted me to marry a Jewish girl because that was what they taught their children, and thought it would be an easier life for me to raise a Jewish kid. And I have a Jewish wife, I have a Jewish kid. They seem pretty happy about it.

I did rocks, all this dumb stuff. But now it's just trying to stay afloat and just get through the days.

I'm filthy rich! It's good to be Adam Sandler!

How do I speak Spanish? Not too well. Paz taught me a few words that, if people weren't nice to me, I could tell them a few things. I got to study with chef Thomas Keller, who we all love as a guy and Jim had a relationship with him at his restaurant the French Laundry.

I'm sure everyone's got their back story. I don't come from a place of where I was tortured and needed to let something out. I came from a very happy home. I was a little out of control at times. But my family... we all liked to be funny, we all liked to make each other laugh.

My buddies, we've always just tried to make each other laugh. I mean, just like all friends hanging out -- that's the goal.

I wanted to make sure that I did one movie in my career that mothers hug me for.

Comedy, such a lovely lady, she'll pick you up, you your feeling blue.

If a girl breaks up with me, I want her to just die, just be dead. Not 'cause I hate her so much as it's just easier for when my friends go, 'Hey, what happened?' 'Oh, she's dead. I'd still be with her, but she's dead. What can I do? She was loving me, but she's dead.'

Mama says that, happiness is from magic rays of sunshine that come down when you're feeling blue.

Never seen my friends do more push-ups, trying to challenge Cruises' manhood. It was like, I can be strong, too!

I'm a big fan of money. I like it, I use it, I have a little. I keep it in a jar on top of my refrigerator. I'd like to put more in that jar. That's where you come in.

Wrap the turkey up

In aluminum foil

My brother likes to masturbate

With baby oil.

Wasted is when you have a hankering for ice cream.

When I was a kid you always heard about the Israeli army and you always heard about this tiny little country and how everyone around them wants them gone, and every time somebody comes after them they take care of business. And so as a Jewish kid you were proud of that.

My name is Adam. My father's name is Adam. Having the same name as your father, it's alright until your voice changes. My friends would always call up, 'Is Adam there?' My father would say, 'This is Adam.' My friends would say, 'Adam, you were so wasted last night.'

So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink, put you to bed when youve had too much to drink.

Oh, it could be so nice to grow old with you, I wanna grow old with you.

I guess I was maybe in little league baseball as far as I wanted to be good at that. But school, I certainly wasn't the best at that. But comedy thing and making movies and stuff, I love it so much that I do get driven to push myself as hard as I can.

I don't know what drives me to succeed. I know I want to always do the best I can.I guess I was maybe in little league baseball as far as I wanted to be good at that. But school, I certainly wasn't the best at that.

I was a big fan of Kurt Russell growing up and I always wanted to be the modern day Kurt Russell.

I've got a hockey record, I took off my skate and tried to stab a guy, I'm the only person who ever tried that.

He has a 5 year plan... What is it, don't die?

Having a kid is great... as long as his eyes are closed and he's not moving or speaking.

Some of us will never ever find true love. Take, for instance me. And I'm pretty sure that guy right there. And that lady with the sideburns. And basically everybody at table nine.

My kids don't have a trust fund, they have a debt fund. And when I die, they're $4 million in the hole.

I still like some of the stuff, skateboarding. Just stupid things.

Alright, remember, alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you.

I say things, like every other parent, that reminds you of your own parents. One thing I do know about being a parent, you understand why your father was in a bad mood a lot.

My intention is never to hurt anybody. I'm happy when people are having a good time.

I'm in a mood, Dave. A bad mood, a very bad mood! I was fired from my ice cream truck job today! No more Fudgicles!

I don't like being out in public too much. I don't like going to bars. I don't like doing celebrity stuff.

I sing seriously to my mom on the phone. To put her to sleep, I have to sing Maria from West Side Story. When I hear her snoring, I hang up.

I never thought about what people would say about me. I was just a young guy who was excited to become a comedian and an actor, and I just wanted to get to do what I got to do.

When you're around the kids, you feel like you act the most grown up just because you're supposed to lead. I say things, like every other parent, that reminds you of your own parents. One thing I do know about being a parent, you understand why your father was in a bad mood a lot.

I don't know what drives me to succeed.

I've been called a moron since I was about four. My father called me a moron. My grandfather said I was a moron. And a lot of times when I'm driving, I hear I'm a moron. I like being a moron.

Sometimes you can't prioritise family and you feel guilty.

I definitely connected to the fact that life gets out of control and you end up doing things and wishing you were doing other things instead.

I've always had lots of friends and my house was the house they all hung out at.

Kids end up seeing my movies anyway but some of the mothers get mad at me so I figured I'd make one that I can't get yelled at for.

When the kids are laughing in the audience, I tear up, I'm so happy I did a nice thing.

I've always wanted to do a family movie.

It's nice when little teams win.

I read to my kid, but I can't stand reading.

My father used to wear the same pants for like a week.

When I take my kid to school, all the parents stop and stare.

God gave me some weird, beautiful scent that makes men and women go crazy. People compare it to Carvel. It is a whale of a smell.

I prefer musicals, because I am the best dancer who ever lived. The best plies, the best sashays, and by far the best-smelling Capezios.

Through my films I'm eventually trying to one day tell the truth. I don't know if I'm ever going to get there, but I'm slowly letting pieces of myself out there and then maybe by the time I'm 85, I'll look back and say, 'All right, that about sums it up.'

Girls are soft and pretty.

When I do stand-up shows at colleges, girls will talk to me after the show, and that always feels good. I like talking to them.

I had my moments of being humiliated, and then I had moments of doing something humiliating. I'm glad I lived out both roles.

The Canteen Boy, the reason you feel bad for him and you can laugh is because he, and I guess a lot of my characters, they don't notice they're getting made fun of. So they'll say something back that's not that great a quip, but in their mind they won the argument.

My sisters are stronger and my brother's bigger than me.

I wasn't a kid growing up thinking, 'One day I'll get an Oscar and make a speech.' That wasn't on my mind.

How do I speak Spanish? Not too well.

In one day, I have times where I'm feeling great, I feel like I love my life, and then 2:30 rolls around and I'm the angriest man alive. My wife sees it.

SNL is a home. You've got all of your brothers and sisters there, and it's a great time.

My grandmother used to embarrass me more, when she would pick me up from school wearing a big fuzzy hat. I didn't like that.

I've always liked older ladies, ever since my mother would have B'nai B'rith at our house.

I grew up cursing a lot. It felt natural. My parents told me to stop.

I like sitting and writing with my buddies.

Sixth grade was a big time, in my childhood, of hoops and friendship, and coming up with funny things.

As a kid, I'd go into the bathroom when I was having a tantrum. I'd be in the bathroom crying, studying myself in the mirror. I was preparing for future roles.

I'll continue to make the typical Adam Sandler comedies.

A lot of critics object to what I do, but I got into comedy to make people laugh, and I've always worked hard.

Now that I'm a parent, I understand why my father was in a bad mood a lot.

With the amount of money I have, it's difficult raising children the way I was raised.

I go to sleep thinking about my kids being spoiled and I wake up thinking about it.

When I'm around the kids I feel like I act the most grown-up just because you're supposed to. And I say things, like every other day, that remind me of my own parents.

Well, we're living in a material world, and I'm a material girl... or boy.

It definitely has learning a lesson about the way you're living your life. I wouldn't compare our movie to that, but it has a structure where it's about a man who doesn't appreciate all that he has and finds out at the end that life has been great and he has to enjoy that.

Most of the stuff I do on the show comes out of me just trying to make my friends laugh.

I shouldn't be near Vegas and have money in my pocket.

When I'm up there, and I know the show's coming to a close, in my head I'm saying to myself, Oh man, you gotta get off and be a normal person again. That's what I don't like so much.

I mean, I look at my dad. He was twenty when he started having a family, and he was always the coolest dad. He did everything for his kids, and he never made us feel like he was pressured. I know that it must be a great feeling to be a guy like that.

Feels good to try, but playing a father, I'm getting a little older. I see now that I'm taking it more serious and I do want that lifestyle.

This character feels so much like my brother. He has two children. He has a wife. He works with me. He chooses to stay in New Hampshire because he wants his kids to grow up in the school they started with. He doesn't want them to lose friends. He is his family's hero.

I'm not looking to get away from anything. I like what I've done. I like what I get to do and I enjoy working with my friends. I loved those movies, but this is incredible.

My movies just kind of sneak up on you. I don't have to worry too much about what everybody is going to say. Anyway, I really don't pay attention to what the world says about my movies. I just care about what my buddies think.

When I was younger and did a stand-up gig, it would take me two weeks to recover. Sometimes I'd get so panicked that I would stutter.

I still get very scared when I step in front of a live audience.

I'm 31 now. I think I'm beginning to understand what life is, what romance is, and what a relationship means.

I sang a song at my sister's wedding. My mother forced me into that, too. But that one felt all right.

When I got into this, I never thought about reviews. I never thought about what people would say about me, I was just a young guy who was excited to become a comedian and an actor, and I just wanted to get to do what I got to do.

We just bought this house. It's too big. It's like 400,000 square feet, or something. We got an indoor lake and ski slope in the house! It's just too big.

I don't know who I touch and who I don't. I work hard trying to make people laugh. I try to do the kind of stuff that made me laugh growing up. I don't have any secrets. I don't know the reasons I've been so well received.

You know, when you don't go on TV and talk about how many women you sleep with, some people in Hollywood, that are supposedly 'in the know,' start whispering that you're gay. If I were gay, I wouldn't be ashamed to admit it, but I'm not.

I never had a speech from my father 'this is what you must do or shouldn't do' but I just learned to be led by example. My father wasn't perfect.

To be honest with you, when I got into this I never thought about reviews. I never thought about what people would say about me. I was just a young guy who was excited to become a comedian and an actor and I just wanted to get to do what I got to do.

Doing Saturday Night Live definitely affects my relationship with my girlfriend and with my family, because you feel so much pressure to do well that night. But I think everyone's grown to accept that and so they give me my space at the show.

I think the reason I don't read is because, when I'm reading, I feel like I'm missing out on something else. You know, What are my friends doing? Where's my girlfriend?

My comedy is different every time I do it. I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

I'm not great at bedtime stories. Bedtime stories are supposed to put the kid to sleep. My kid gets riled up and then my wife has to come in and go, 'All right! Get out of the room.'

I don't think about that. I wasn't a kid growing up saying one day I'll get an Oscar and make a speech. That wasn't on my mind. So what I do is the best work I can do.

Chemistry can be a good and bad thing. Chemistry is good when you make love with it. Chemistry is bad when you make crack with it.

I know I want to always do the best I can.

I was raised by a mother who told me I was great every day of my life.

I was just a young guy who was excited to become a comedian and an actor and I just wanted to get to do what I got to do.

Sir one more comment like that and I will strangle you with my microphone wire!

The problem with me, as far as getting married and having a family, is that my comedy is so important to me. So I don't know if I'll ever be as good a dad as my dad.

I sing seriously to my mom on the phone. To put her to sleep, I have to sing 'Maria' from West Side Story. When I hear her snoring, I hang up.

I do love the films I've done in the past. I work hard in my movies and my friends work hard and we're trying to make people laugh and I'm very proud of that.

In high school I wanted to be a rock star and was in a lot of bands.

I'm not comfortable being around too many people. I don't like being out in public too much. I don't like going to bars. I don't like doing celebrity stuff. So most of the characters I play are people who don't always feel comfortable beyond their small circle of friends.

Well I have a microphone and you don't so you will listen to every damn word I have to say!

My name is Adam Sandler. I'm not particularly talented. I'm not particularly good-looking. And yet I'm a multi-millionaire.