Quotes by Albert Ellis

People and things do not upset us. Rather, we upset ourselves by believing that they can upset us.

If something is irrational, that means it won't work. It's usually unrealistic.

Thinking rationally is often different from positive thinking, in that it is a realistic assessment of the situation, with a view towards rectifying the problem if possible.

Much of what we call emotion is nothing more or less than a certain kind -- a biased, prejudiced, or strongly evaluative kind -- of thought.

The easy way out is often just that-the 'easy' way out of the most rewarding lifestyle.

I would like to be remembered as one of the individuals who founded, ideologically and practically, cognitive behavior therapy and who pioneered multimodal or integrated therapy.

I'm one of the best-loved psychologists in the United States, but I'm also probably the most hated one.

Freud had a gene for inefficiency, and I think I have a gene for efficiency. Had I not been a therapist, I would have been an efficiency expert.

There's no evidence whatsoever that men are more rational than women. Both sexes seem to be equally irrational.

So I'd better stop my whining and help myself cope better with even the worst Adversities.

Whining about your own, others', or the world's failings is a main element in what we usually call neurosis.

For that again, is what all manner of religion essentially is: childish dependency.

Needing leads to bleeding -- to almost all inevitable suffering.

Being assertive does not mean attacking or ignoring others feelings. It means that you are willing to hold up for yourself fairly-without attacking others.

I teach people to be flexible, scientific and logical in their thinking and therefore to be less prone to brainwashing by the therapist.

We can't change the past, so we change how people are thinking, feeling and behaving today.

You mainly feel the way you think.

The individual is taught that there is nothing that he as a total person is to feel ashamed of or self-hating for.

To err is human; to forgive people and yourself for poor behavior is to be sensible and realistic.

Religious fanaticism has clearly produced, and in all probability will continue to produce, enormous amounts of bickering, fighting, violence, bloodshed, homicide, feuds, wars, and genocide.

We'd better work hard on getting rid of that must -- Other people must do what I want them to do! It's what makes people hostile, nasty, mean and combative, and it leads to feuds, wars and genocide. We'd better do something about that.

Neurosis is just a high-class word for whining.

I regret that I've been so busy with clinical work that I haven't been able to spend much time on experiments and outcome studies.

Failure doesn't have anything to do with your intrinsic value as a person.

There's no evidence whatsoever that men are more rational than women or that men are more willing to surrender their irrational beliefs. Both sexes seem to be equally irrational.

Beginning in the 1960s, many studies showed that people who hold what we call irrational beliefs are significantly more disturbed than when they don't hold them, and the more strongly they hold them, the more disturbed they tend to be.

When people change their irrational beliefs to undogmatic flexible preferences, they become less disturbed.

The more sinful and guilty a person tends to feel, the less chance there is that he will be a happy, healthy, or law-abiding citizen. He will become a compulsive wrong-doer.

As a matter of fact, as a result of my philosophy, I wasn't even upset about Hitler. I was willing to go to war to knock him off, but I didn't hate him. I hated what he was doing.

You have considerable power to construct self-helping thoughts, feelings and actions as well as to construct self-defeating behaviors. You have the ability, if you use it, to choose healthy instead of unhealthy thinking, feeling and acting.

Lack of forgiveness of others breeds lack of self-forgiveness.

Spirit and soul is horseshit of the worst sort. Obviously there are no fairies, no Santa Clauses, no spirits. What there is, is human goals and purposes as noted by sane existentialists. But a lot of transcendentalists are utter screwballs.

I don't recommend that people speak their minds to their bosses or to somebody who's directly over them. You need to know when to speak your mind and what the penalty will be for doing so. Sometimes it's worth it, and often it's not!

Unless, of course, you insist on identifying yourself with the people and things you love; and thereby seriously disturb yourself.

I'm very happy. I like my work and the various aspects of it -- going around the world, teaching the gospel according to St. Albert.

By honestly acknowledging your past errors, but never damning yourself for them, you can learn to use your past for your own future benefit.

I'm very happy. I like my work and I like the various aspects of it -- going around the world, teaching the gospel according to St. Albert -- I like that. And seeing clients, doing group therapy, writing books.

I would have liked having children to some degree, but frankly I haven't got the time to take the kids to the goddamn ballgame. So it would have had more disadvantages than advantages for them.

If the Martians ever find out how human beings think, they'll kill themselves laughing.

And just as two wrongs don't make a right, rage against offenders is probably the worst way to try to correct them.

People are terrified of other people or difficult projects because they tell themselves that they could fail or be rejected. Failure can lead to sorrow, regret, frustration and annoyance-all healthy feelings without which people couldn't exist.

Religious creeds encourage some of the craziest kinds of thoughts, emotions, and behaviors and favor severe manifestations of neurosis, borderline personality states, and sometimes even psychosis.

The attitude of unconditional self-acceptance is probably the most important variable in their long-term recovery.

Attempts to help humans eliminate all self-ratings and views self-esteem as a self-defeating concept that encourages them to make conditional evaluations of self. Instead, it teaches people unconditional self-acceptance.

I hope to die in the saddle seat.

If human emotions largely result from thinking, then one may appreciably control one's feelings by controlling one's thoughts -- or by changing the internalized sentences, or self-talk, with which one largely created the feeling in the first place.

Strong feelings are fine; it's the overreactions that mess us up.

I think the future of psychotherapy and psychology is in the school system. We need to teach every child how to rarely seriously disturb himself or herself and how to overcome disturbance when it occurs. In that sense, psychotherapy belongs in the schools.

By not caring too much about what people think, I'm able to think for myself and propagate ideas which are very often unpopular. And I succeed with them because, again, I don't care too much what other people think.

This, perhaps, goes to show that conditional self-esteem, as I have said for many years, is an insidious, real sickness, so much so that even Buddhists carelessly sneak it in and sometimes encourage their clients to achieve it.

Is self-esteem a sickness? That's according to the way you define it. In the usual way it is defined by people and by psychologists, I'd say that it is probably the greatest emotional disturbance known to man and woman.

The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own.

If I had been a member of the academic establishment, I could have done other experiments.

I'm very happy. I like my work and the various aspects of it-going around the world, teaching the gospel according to St. Albert.

I would have liked having children to some degree, but frankly I haven't got the time to take the kids to the goddamn ballgame.

In the old days we used to get more referrals, because people had insurance that paid for therapy. Now they belong to HMOs, and we can only be affiliated with a few HMOs.

Most people would have given up when faced with all the criticism I've received over the years.

I had used eclectic therapy and behavior therapy on myself at the age of 19 to get over my fear of public speaking and of approaching young women in public.

People got insights into what was bothering them, but they hardly did a damn thing to change.

Let's suppose somebody abused you sexually. You still had a choice, though not a good one, about what to tell yourself about the abuse.

I thought foolishly that Freudian psychoanalysis was deeper and more intensive than other, more directive forms of therapy, so I was trained in it and practiced it.

I think it's unfair, but they have the right as fallible, screwed-up humans to be unfair; that's the human condition.

Acceptance is not love. You love a person because he or she has lovable traits, but you accept everybody just because they're alive and human.

People have motives and thoughts of which they are unaware.

We teach people that they upset themselves. We can't change the past, so we change how people are thinking, feeling and behaving today.

People don't just get upset. They contribute to their upsetness.

There are three musts that hold us back: I must do well. You must treat me well. And the world must be easy.

Self-esteem is the greatest sickness known to man or woman because it's conditional.

Rational beliefs bring us closer to getting good results in the real world.

I get people to truly accept themselves unconditionally, whether or not their therapist or anyone loves them.

Freud had a gene for inefficiency, and I think I have a gene for efficiency.

By not caring too much about what people think, I'm able to think for myself and propagate ideas which are very often unpopular. And I succeed.

The art of love is largely the art of persistence.

Many psychoanalysts refused to let me speak at their meetings. They were exceptionally vigorous because I had previously been an analyst and they were very angry at my flying the coop.

If something is irrational, that means it won't work. It's usually unrealistic.

I wrote several articles criticizing psychoanalysis, but the analysts weren't listening to my objections. So I finally quit after practicing it for six years.

I think the future of psychotherapy and psychology is in the school system. We need to teach every child how to rarely seriously disturb himself or herself and how to overcome disturbance when it occurs.

I started to call myself a rational therapist in 1955; later I used the term rational emotive. Now I call myself a rational emotive behavior therapist.

People could rationally decide that prolonged relationships take up too much time and effort and that they'd much rather do other kinds of things. But most people are afraid of rejection.

As a result of my philosophy, I wasn't even upset about Hitler. I was willing to go to war to knock him off, but I didn't hate him. I hated what he was doing.

I had a great many sex and love cases where people were absolutely devastated when somebody with whom they were compulsively in love didn't love them back. They were killing themselves with anxiety and depression.

You largely constructed your depression. It wasn't given to you. Therefore, you can deconstruct it.

The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.