Quotes by Bill Hader

People ask me, 'Did you always want to be on SNL?' No, actually, it never crossed my mind. It didn't even seem possible. It would've been like saying, 'Hey, do you wanna go to the moon?'

I can't cook. I can barely make a bowl of cereal.

I'm always up before everybody else. I also crash at 3 o'clock when everybody's at their prime.

I'm not a fan of the Eagles, but I've watched their documentary numerous times and everyone who's watched it with me has sung along to the songs, much to my dismay.

I remember being unbelievable bummed when 'Freaks and Geeks' was canceled.

I would say the biggest difference is that you're just in a studio by yourself when you're making an animated movie. You don't have anybody to play off of.

If you can't forgive yourself, you think you're never going to be able to forgive yourself.

If a guy doesn't like a funny girl, something is wrong with him.

I move out here, and next thing I know I'm 25, and the only thing I've heard is, 'Can you get a coffee, can you hurry up with the thing, blah blah blah.' It was nice doing something and hearing someone go, 'Hey, you're good at this.'

My kids, they're always embarrassed when my voice shows up in something. I took them to Inside Out, and my voice comes in, and they were like, Ugh, Dad, what are you doing? Get out of there.

I was into writing and directing. I was a bit of a reluctant actor. I would always ask friends to shoot or direct their movies, but then they'd want me to be in them.

When I got to Saturday Night Live, it was a lot like going from pre-school to Harvard, and it took a long time to figure stuff out.

I always felt better co-writing something -- always co-writing. Because if I was the lead of it and it failed, then it failed on my own accord. I would say, Well, I liked it or I screwed up. I take the hit on this one.

Growing up in Oklahoma, there wasn't much to do. Play sports, do a lot of drugs, or read and watch movies, which is what I did.

I grew up with my two sisters and my mom, so it's my lot in life to be surrounded by women.

Good directors give short and specific instructions to their actors.

Even though it doesn't look like it, I run. On a treadmill. And I bounce around to all the songs on my iPod -- the Pixies, Wagner, Richard and Linda Thompson, even books on tape. Just not self-help ones.

Fred Willard still makes me laugh.

When people tell you what doesn't work, they're usually right. When they tell you how to fix it, they're usually wrong.

Pete Davidson -- he's in the movie 'Trainwreck.' He has a small part in it. I told Lorne Michaels about him, said he was really funny.

I would do 'Superbad,' and the next offers you would get would all be crazy cop characters or crazy security guards or something.

I was offered a lot of supporting crazy parts in comedies because that's all I had done.

I like when you are telling a story and fall into an impression.

I really liked John Candy in 'Planes, Trains and Automobiles.' He was so good in that movie.

When I was on 'SNL,' I was getting weirdly anxious about being on camera, which I had never really done before. And so my solution was just to not watch my stuff. And then I found out that other actors do it, too, and I felt less weird about it.

I can't do Twitter or Facebook, mostly because I feel like I'm the type of person who has to regiment the amount of time I spend doing certain things or I'll just wade in it, and then I'll never come out.

Every relationship is work.

I met Robin Williams a few times, and he was a beautiful guy.

George Saunders is a complete genius.

David Sedaris is so good that it makes me mad.

Jon Ronson makes me laugh. I've read all of his books.

I've seen people who come to work say, 'No, I'm doing it this way, and that's that.' I'm the opposite -- I like being out of my element; it's where I like to live.

I've been a big fan of David Wain's and was honored to get to be in one of his projects.

To be honest, I don't know how comedy works.

The nature of 'SNL' is that it's so in-the-moment.

Getting 'SNL' was pretty amazing, so just to be able to have an eight-year career there and be really happy with everything I did, it was pretty big.

I'm the only one in Tulsa, Oklahoma, that has Final Draft on my computer. Then you show up and go to any coffee shop in L.A., and there are a hundred people your age with Final Draft.

My dad was a big Frank Zappa fan, so I remember listening to a lot of Frank Zappa. Girls do not like Frank Zappa.

The first time I ever acted was in 'The Glass Menagerie' in high school, and my first line was, 'I didn't know Shakespeare had a sister.'

I hated pitch meetings. Pitch meetings were my least favorite part of the week. I just gave up. I was so terrible at them.

I like watching Kate McKinnon do something -- there's a joy in seeing a new move from somebody and going, 'Oh, she can do that.'

One of the reasons I started working at 'South Park,' actually, was that I wanted to learn how to structure things and how to tell a story.

When I met Judd Apatow, he told me I should start writing screenplays. They'd be really bad at first, but the more I did it, the better I'd get.

When you move to L.A. or New York, it's easy to get a little lost and forget your original goal.

I kind of romanticized what it was like to be a writer and director when I was in my early twenties. Working as a production assistant knocked that right out of me.

I was a production assistant in the post department on 'The Surreal Life.' And it's been reported before that I was an assistant editor on 'The Surreal Life.' That is not true.

'Vanity Fair' did this grid thing a couple years ago, connecting people who've worked together, and I had the most branches on it or whatever, because I'd worked with so-and-so and so-and-so worked with so-and-so, and I was kind of in the middle.

I never resented anybody for being successful.

I love comedy, but it's dramas that stick with me.

I had a small part in 'Pineapple Express.'

The first time I met James Franco, he was dressed like James Dean. He was James Dean, literally, filming a biopic.

Paul Rudd is a huge 'Hot Rod' fan.

It is funny that people always assume you have a bigger part in a movie than you actually do. I remember a lot of people thought 'Adventureland' starred me and Kristen Wiig. But we were like, 'No, we're only in the movie for like ten minutes!'

You can be the lead in a movie just for the sake of being a lead in a movie, or you can just be in a good movie.

When you're at your absolute, most exhausted... That's when you have to be at the top of your game.

My mom, dad, grandparents, we all do voices.

It doesn't occur to me that I don't drive a cool car until I hang out with Jon Hamm, who picks me up in what looks like a Transformer, and I think, 'Oh, that's what movie stars are driving. I guess I'm not a movie star.'

My life is different since I moved back to L.A. from New York, mostly because I have a family and I don't go out.

My wife is the sweetest, most even-keeled person ever. A mood swing to her is like, 'Oh, I'm uncomfortable.'

To be honest, I watch way more dramatic films when I'm chilling at home. I think when you work in comedy, you just want something different in your private life. Makes you feel balanced, I guess.

If I get a chance to write a comic book or do a voice in an Adult Swim show, I do it. It's much more fulfilling to me and I get to work with people who I'm a fan of.

Sometimes you're working with somebody, and you can tell they're just waiting to say their line.

Before you get to 'SNL,' you have your own sensibility. And when you get to 'SNL,' it's the show's sensibility.

There's a movie called 'Pod People' that has a weird little anteater alien. That was a good alien.

I've never met Charlie Sheen.

I -- at the table reads, I break constantly. If something is up there that I'm not expecting, I tend to -- I can't help myself; I'll start laughing.

I was in a sketch group in L.A., and we were playing, like, backyards in Glendale and stuff. It was pretty ugly because we didn't have any money.

The whole thing with animated movies is that it's very hard to get out of your head because it's very moving through each line systematically.

In 'Winter's Bone,' it's literally the director and the camera operator. That's it. Just a super-small Kubrick crew. You know what I mean? Like, 8 people.

Las Vegas, New Mexico has had a lot of great movies shot there.

'The State' was a huge thing for me. I watched that and 'SNL' together when I was 15, 16.

I would say it wasn't until my fourth season on 'SNL' where people or my agent was saying, 'You're an actor.' I never thought of it that way.

When you're performing, you're playing to the back row. With acting, you have to be more nuanced.

If you can't forgive yourself, you think you're never going to be able to forgive yourself, and you repeat the same behavior.

I loved growing up in Tulsa.

I started making little short films with friends, and then I decided I wanted to get into the school play in high school.

In Tulsa, it was sports or nothing.

I was always self-conscious about the fact that I didn't have as much comedy experience as other people at 'SNL,' and I kept thinking they were going to realize they'd made a mistake by hiring me.

I've always admired Jeff Bridges. I really like how one can never get a handle on what he's doing.

I was at Second City L.A., going through the conservatory, and I graduated in 2004 and I got 'SNL' in 2005.

If a movie doesn't even have financing yet, they'll do a table read for it at a casting director's office with actors, for the producer and the writer, just to hear if the movie is working.

Going to any loud place is terrible for me. I'm bad at loud restaurants.

I don't think I could do what Woody Allen or Clint Eastwood or Ben Stiller do, where they direct a movie and they star in it. I would just be like, 'Oh, I don't even want to look at my face.'

I took Second City out of desperation, and that's what ended up working out. It shows that you should be doing a lot of different stuff, taking whatever opportunities are there, to see what works.

I moved out to L.A. to be a filmmaker or director. I didn't even think about doing comedy or even acting. I wanted to be like Paul Thomas Anderson or Wes Anderson, but I wasn't going to a lot of comedy.

Yeah, improvising only really works 100% when you're with somebody.

I saw 'A Clockwork Orange' when I was 11. When you watch 'Clockwork Orange' at 11, it either totally scares you from watching movies, or you want to become a filmmaker. I was the latter.

I learned a lot just watching people perform.

Everything is so tech now; everyone is so connected that way.

I collect movies. So I have all those in binders. I don't have the DVDs out. I put them in binders.

You learn quickly at 'SNL' you get in trouble if you compare yourself to other people, where they're at, or what other people had done before you.

I don't like the sound of my voice or how I look or anything.