Quotes by Bill Hicks
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People are bringing SHOTGUNS to UFO sightings...brings a whole new meaning to that phrase 'You ain't from around here, ar'ya?'

She was a southern girl, which is the same as saying she was insane.

She was a southern girl, which is the same as saying she was insane. All southern women are insane. Some are cold blooded killers and some are harmless eccentrics, but the best of the breed exhibit both of these characteristics and always the one you expect the least at the time you least expect it.

Pot is a better drug than alcohol. I'll prove it to you. You're at a ball game or a concert, and someone's really violent and agressive and obnoxious, are they drunk or are they smoking pot?

Be yourself on stage. Nobody else can be you and you have the law of supply and demand covered.

It's you people dying from nothing that are screwed. I got all sorts of neat gadgets waiting for me...oxygen tent, iron lung.

Women priests. Great, great. Now there's priests of both sexes I don't listen to.

Love rather than fear...this radical philosophy is coming from me, an avowed misanthrope...surely there is hope for us all.

Courtroom for Ted Bundy's trial is packed with women, trying to meet him and give him love letters and wedding-fucking-proposals...and the first thought that enters my mind is, And I'm not getting laid. What am I doing wrong?

I was in a cab in New York. The cab had a sign, Please do not smoke, Christ is our unseen guest. This guy was reaching. I figure, if he could overcome being nailed to a cross, I don't

think a Marlboro Light's gonna faze him that much.

I love talking about Kennedy assassination...a great archetypal example of how totalitarian government...sorry, wrong meeting.

Childbirth is no more a miracle then eating food and a turd coming out of your ass.

But where did this veneration of childbirth come from? I missed that meeting. Childbirth is wonderful, childbirth is a miracle. Wrong. It's no more a miracle than eating food and a turd coming out your ass.

I believe we all have the Voice of Reason inside us...to gently lead us out of our own self-created hells.

The Voice of Reason is in us all...and everyone can recognize it because it makes sense and everyone benefits from it equally.

How dare you have wino tell me not to do drugs.

The world's like a ride in a fairground and when you choose to go on it you think it's real, that's how powerful our minds are.

I do not believe making money in order to consume goods is

mankind's sole purpose on this planet. If you're wondering

what I believe our purpose on this planet is, I'll give you

a hint... it has to do with creating and sharing.

What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves?

I began working quite young, writing, growing, maturing, always striving to top myself -- to make people laugh hard at things they know and believe deep in their hearts to be true.

Mushrooms grow on cow turds. I love that. I think that's why you giggle the first hour.

If ur going to have a war on drugs, have them against ALL drugs, including alcohol, the number one offender.

How many of y'all wondered, like I did, during the LA riots when those people were being pulled out of their trucks and beaten half to death -- step on the f***ing gas, man! They're on foot, you're in a truck -- I think I see a way out of this.

Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally on our planet, serves a thousand different functions, all of them positive. To make marijuana against the law is like saying that God made a mistake.

I believe it is our own misperceptions of who we really are that leads to every self-created hell you'll find in this world.

It's not a war on drugs, it's a war on personal freedom.

How about a positive LSD story? Wouldn't that be news-worthy, just the once? To base your decision on information rather than scare tactics and superstition and lies? I think it would be news-worthy.

Life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.

Smoking may cause fetal injury or premature birth. ... I found my brand. Just don't get the ones that say, Lung Cancer.

You think when Jesus comes back, he really wants to see a cross? That's like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on.

Man, the Beatles were so high, they let Ringo sing a coupla tunes. Tell me they weren't partyin'.

I love talking about the Kennedy assassination. The reason I do is because I'm fascinated by it. I'm fascinated that our government could lie to us so blatantly, so obviously for so long, and we do absolutely nothing about it.

Surgeon General's warning ought to read: Smoking has been determined t0 cause cancer, heart disease and rednecks with seniority.

I want my rockstars dead.

On the theft of his material by Denis Leary: I have a scoop for you. I stole his act. I camouflaged it with punchlines, and to really throw people off, I did it before he did.

Laughter makes the bitter swallowing of truth, for some, a little easier.

Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the Weather.

I, like all artists in Western cultures, am a shaman...come in the guise of a comic...to heal perception by using...'jokes'.

I'm tired of this back-slappin' isn't humanity neat bullshit. We're a virus with shoes.

They Want You To Be A Docile Apathetic Consumer.

The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions.

Mister, I don't want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don't even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain't looking for no trouble, Mister.

I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, 'My dad can beat up your dad.' I'd say 'Yeah? When?'

Don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.

I smoke to fill the potholes in my soul.

Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can't find your fags.

Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Heres Tom with the Weather.

Eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions god's infinite love.

Let me tell you about gays in the military. I don't want any gay people hanging around me while I'm killing kids. I just don't want to see it.

Here is my final point. About drugs, about alcohol, about pornography and smoking and everything else. What business is it of yours what I do, read, buy, see, say, think, who I fuck, what I take into my body -- as long as I do not harm another human being on this planet?

I believe that there is an equality to all humanity. We all suck.

Truly, the only stupid people I've ever met, the most absolutely clueless, are the very people that produce television.

I used to drink, I did, I had to quit. Man, I was an embarrassing drunk. I'd get pulled over by the cops, I'd be so drunk I'd be out dancing to their lights thinking I'd made it to another club.

I used to love to call L.A. when I lived in New York... Is that the Big One I hear in the background? Bye, you lizard scum! Bye!

We killed 6 innocent people, launching 22, I think $3 million apiece missiles on Baghdad...that's a little bit overdoing it.

I was just down in Dallas, Texas...the Assassination Museum...it's really accurate, you know, 'cause Oswald's not in it.

The CIA has a plot...they've used before to get rid of world leaders. Only problem...is convincing Hussein...to fly to Dallas.

I'm very tired of staring out into your vacant faces looking back at me. Wanting to fill your empty lives with humor you couldn't possibly think of yourself... Good evening!

Writing, acting, music, comedy. A deep love of literature and books. Thank God for all the artists who've helped me.

I saw a sign on the side of the road in Tennessee once that said 'dirt for sale'... what a great country we live in. DIRT for sale. How would you like to get inside that guy's mind and look around for a hour? That guy sees opportunity at every glance, doesn't he?

People are bringing shotguns to UFO sightings in Fife, Alabama. I asked a guy, Why do you bring a gun to a UFO sighting? Guy said, Way-ul, we didn' wanna be ab-duc-ted. If I lived in Fife, Alabama, I would be on my hands and knees every night praying for abduction.

That's starting to depress me about UFOs. The fact that they cross galaxies...and always end up in places like Fyfe, Alabama.

I was a weekend drinker...I'd start on Saturday, end on Friday...thought I was controlling it...but I don't drink any more.

Humanity is just a virus with shoes.

The whole image is that eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions God's infinite love. That's the message we're brought up with, isn't it? Believe or die! Thank you, forgiving Lord, for all those options.

There is no such thing as death, life is only a dream and we, are the imagination of ourselves.

People in the United Kingdom and outside the United States share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn't share with itself.

I get a kick out of being an outsider constantly. It allows me to be creative.

I don't like anything in the mainstream and they don't like me.

Listen, the next revolution is gonna be a revolution of ideas.

As long as one person lives in darkness then it seems to be a responsibility to tell other people.

Ultimately, it is in fun. It is supposed to be highly entertaining.

I'm sorry if any of you are Catholic. I'm not sorry if you're offended, I'm actually just sorry by the fact that you're Catholic.

We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.

And if I can take part in it by transforming my own consciousness, then someone else's, I'm happy to do it.

The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they've never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people's minds, exposing them to the light.

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution.

There is no such thing as death; life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.

The American dream is a crock. Stop wanting everything. Everyone should wear jeans and have three T-shirts, eat rice and beans.

Life is only a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves.

I left in love, in laughter, and in truth, and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit.

I'm totally confused about what I'm going to do with my life.

People in the U.K. share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn't share with itself. They have a sense of irony, which America doesn't have, seeing as it's being run by fundamentalists who take things literally.

I hate patriotism... I can't stand it. It's a round world last time I checked.

When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.

Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.

Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.

I'm a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.

If you don't think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD's and burn them.