You know how funerals are not for the dead, they're for the living? Bachelor parties are not for the groom, they're for the uncommitted.

I've retired a couple of times. It's great, because you can just say, 'Oh, I'm sorry. I'm retired.'

Life is so damn short. For f*ck's sake, just do what makes you happy.

Awards are meaningless to me, and I have nothing but disdain for anyone who actively campaigns to get one.

I don't want to have a relationship with someone if I'm not going to work with them.

I throw a Christmas party at my house. It's not really a Christmas party, because I don't want to call it a Christmas party. But let's just say I put a lot of Christmas trees around the house, so it smells good.

Drinking again? Go to hell. All I ever do is make some movies that made a lot of money now leave me alone, I want to have some fun.

You had to keep the mood up; you had to keep the tempo up. You had to keep the feeling of, Hey, we're doing something that's really exciting. It's fun being with these people. And the more fun you have, the better you do it.

I don't have to take this abuse from you -- I have hundreds of people waiting in line to abuse me!

I met a woman who photographed celebrity dogs for a book, and she told me that Ralph Lauren's dog is named Rugby. I said, Yeah, but his real name is Stickball.

Chicago actors are hard-nosed. They're tough on themselves and their fellow actors. They're self-demanding.

It's extremely powerful to say no; it's really the most powerful thing to say.

It's hard to win an argument with a smart person, but it'd damn near impossible to win an argument with a stupid person.

I think if you can take care of yourself, and then maybe try to take care of someone else, that's sort of how you're supposed to live.

Here's the thing, you just have to drive a lot faster, and if you don't get there, we're both fired.

People confuse friendship and relaxation. It's incredibly important to be relaxed -- you don't have a chance if you're not relaxed. So I try very hard to relax any kind of tension. But friendship is different.

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure.

Half of the people in this room are more dressed up than on any other day in the year, and the other half are more dressed down.

The atheists traditionally hold their conventions from Good Friday to Easter Sunday during the hours Christ spent in the grave.

Human sacrifice! Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!