If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is there to hear it, doesn't it just lie there and rot?
For this moment, nothing matters. Look up into the stars and you're gone.
It's my petty fear of personal rejection that allows so many true evils to exist. My cowardice enables atrocities.
With insomnia, you're never really awake; but you're never really asleep.
Stick and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you.
Here are the shadows left behind by a thousand moments, a thousand moods, of needs traced here on the wall by men who are gone. Here is the record of their being here.
Just for the record, the weather today is calm and sunny, but the air is full of bullshit.
A comedy ends with a wedding, and a tragedy ends with a funeral: you always have to juxtapose sex and death.
Funerals are all abstract ceremony.
If you're male, and you're Christian and living in America, your father is your model for God. And sometimes you find your father in your career.
After long enough, everyone in the world will be you enemy.
If you love something set it free, but don't be surprised if it comes back with herpes.
The amazing miracle of death, when one second you're walking and talking, and the next second you're an object.
Believe in me and you shall die, forever.
It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.
Ever since college, I make friends. They get married. I lose friends.
Marla said, This isn't like when guys sit backward on the toilet and pretend it's a motorcycle. This is a genuine accident.
Actually, watching television and surfing the Internet are really excellent practice for being dead.
Big Brother fills us all with the same crap. My guess is he was clever the same way everybody thinks they're clever. I tell her to type in 'password.'
Somehow it seems wrong to photograph a blind person. It's like stealing something valuable they don't even know they own.
His saliva tasted like the wet dicks of ten thousand lonely truck drivers.
I'm a toxic waste byproduct of God's creation.
Let me be the ring leader in your guilt gang-bang.
My first time I jacked off, I thought I'd invented it. I looked down at my sloppy handful of junk and thought, This is going to make me rich.
Our real discoveries come from chaos.
Our real discoveries come from chaos, from going to the place that looks wrong and stupid and foolish.
Love and life belongs to great risk.
There are bodies buried everywhere you just have to know where to look.
It's not love or anything, but I think I like you, too.
Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known.
All the effort in the world won't matter if you're not inspired.
The only reason why we ask other people how their weekend was is so we can tell them about our own weekend.
Parents are like God because you wanna know they're out there, and you want them to think well of you, but you really only call when you need something.
The most boring thing in the entire world is nudity. The second most boring thing is honesty.
With a gun barrel between your teeth, you speak only in vowels.
You can only hold a smile for so long, after that it's just teeth.
The things you own end up owning you. It's only after you lose everything that you're free to do anything.
Anymore, no one's mind is their own.
Anymore, no one's mind is their own. You can't concentrate. You can't think. There's always some noise worming in. Singers shouting. Dead people laughing. Actors crying. All these little doses of emotion. Someone's always spraying the air with their mood.
It's easy to attack and destroy an act of creation. It's a lot more difficult to perform one.
It's easy to cry when you realize that everyone you love will reject you or die.
The future is just wasted on some people.
The future you have, tomorrow, won't be the same future you had, yesterday.
When did the future switch from being a promise to being a threat?
Do you know why most survivors of the Holocaust are vegan? It's because they know what it's like to be treated like an animal.
If you ask me, reincarnation is just another way to procrastinate.
It's all mirror, mirror on the wall because beauty is power the same way money is power the same way a gun is power.
I'm sorry if this all seems a little rushed and desperate. It is.
Our generation has had no great war, no Great Depression. Our war is spiritual. Our depression is our lives.
Life is short, death is forever.
Parenthood is the opiate of the masses.
Find joy in everything you choose to do. Every job, relationship, home… it's your responsibility to love it, or change it.
The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person.
The pretentiousness of literature really annoys me; the way a writer is held as this sort of magical person to be revered on the stage. Everything I do on tour is to try and destroy that pretense.
I come from generations of farmers.
My parents used to fight a lot, and I think they fought a lot at night, and they would turn the television up to hide the sound of their fighting.
I write nothing but contemporary romances.
Since change is constant, you wonder if people crave death because it's the only way they can get anything really finished.
I don't care what they do with my book so long as the flippin check clears.
The third person allows characters to really attack themselves. We all do this -- attack ourselves -- every hour of our lives.
I have a lot of fans who are in the prison system, where ramen noodles are a kind of staple. Prisoners are always sending me recipes.
Any real belief in death is just wishful thinking.
When working, my diet degrades to pizza three times a day, because I don't want to distract myself from anything.
We don't have friends, so we watch 'Friends' on TV.
Meeting authors is kind of the death of the characters. That is always heartbreaking.
When the 'Fight Club' movie was going into production, I quit my job so I could write full-time.
Few things in life seem more sexy than a banned book.
I've always been very curious about fringe cultures where people temporarily adopt a different social model or way of presenting themselves.
So much of 'Fight Club' was a rant against fathers.
Most novels, I find, are three times longer than they need to be. Very little happens, and I don't want to waste my time with them.
The folks who read my books are so passionate about each one of them that the people making my movies are more afraid of my readership than they are of me.
If we all lived according to the teachings of Jesus Christ, life would be much simpler.
If you don't believe what other people believe, then they'll accuse you of being nihilistic.
I write in a noisy, distracting world so the books can be read there.
Sometimes, like in 'Invisible Monsters,' I get too out of control, and instead of a plot point every chapter, I want a plot point in every sentence.
When I first used to tour, guys would come up and say, 'Where's the fight club in my area?' and I would say, 'There isn't one.' And they'd say, 'No, no, you can tell me, you can tell me.'
I thought 'Fight Club' was great as David Fincher's version.
Once I start writing, I can't stop.
Every author has to eventually write a food book.
I don't know if you ever really feel like you've made it.
I'm only confrontational with my friends.
I usually write in my kitchen, which is a large, octagonal room that looks into woods -- three big windows look out into the trees.
My parents divorced about the same time the movie 'The Parent Trap' came out, about two twins at camp who scheme to get their parents back together. I had that same fantasy.
If there had been zombies on the iceberg when the Titanic hit it, that would have made a much better movie.
My writing process isn't a very organized thing.
My writing process isn't a very organized thing. The actual writing part is a tiny part of my life. I often write in public. I bring my laptop or write freehand in notebooks. Then, I'll read through them while I exercise or walk the dog. The very last thing I do is the sitting alone at the computer part.
I am enormously uncool. I've made a cottage industry of being uncool. And I'm fine with that.
Being lonely is not a bad thing for a writer.