You know you must be doing something right if old people like you.
Because I was surrounded by so much negativity at some point that it took me going back and doing stand-up to realize, you know, people really like me.
I have angst in my life, but I'm like anybody. We all have angst in our lives that we pick up and fidget with and then we put down and look at some other things that make us feel good or enjoy our lives.
I have all these weird fantasies. Going coast-to-coast on my motorcycle and having random barbecues all over America. No show, no nothing.
What that's allowed me to do is have a vantage point about my own life that's accessible to people still. I could see a guy walking down the street and be like, Even though I'm famous, I got more in common with this guy than, like, Brad Pitt.
Weed's not as bad as everything else... 'cause weed is a background substance. You know what I mean, you can smoke some herb and still function. You ain't crisp... but you'll function.
Somebody broke into my house once, this is a good time to call the police, but mm mm, nope. The house was too nice. It was a real nice house, but they'd never believe i lived in it. They'd be like 'He's still here!
You've got to say 'yes' to your destiny. Life's happening right now, look around you. There goes some life. Come on, Mamma, live!
They do what they do for money -- that's all. I don't even know why you're listening to me. I've done commercials for both Coke and Pepsi. Truth is, I can't even taste the difference, but Pepsi paid me last, so there it is.
My kids look actually happy. And I learned early on that perfectionism and parenthood is a toxic combination for everybody involved. In other words, so many things can flourish naturally. All you gotta do is make sure the soil's right. I view myself more like a guide than a ruler.
I always take a relationship to the next level. If that works out, I take it to the next level after that, until I finally reach that level when it becomes absolutely necessary for me to leave.
For one year, I want to do this thing where I guest-star on as many television shows as I possibly can. I love television. The fact that television ultimately made me famous was very gratifying for me.
Money is the fuel for choices. Money gives me choices, so it's not nothing, it's something. But it's not the end all, be all. There are other things in my life that I did not purchase with money that are very valuable.
I got married recently. So far, so good. Less sex than I expected, but other than that, it's a pretty good lifestyle.
I don't want anything bad to happen to the United States, but if North Korea ever drops a nuclear bomb on this country, I swear to God, I hope it lands in Hartford.
I felt in a lot of instances I was deliberately being put through stress because when you're a guy who generates money, people have a vested interest in controlling you.
The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It's dismissive.
The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It's dismissive. "I don't understand this person. So they're crazy." That's bullshit. These people are not crazy. They strong people. Maybe their environment is a little sick.
My father told me 'Name your price in the beginning. If it ever gets more expensive than the price you name, get out of there.'
When I'm on stage, I get real happy there. Maybe that's the only time in my adult life I feel like myself.
Whether it means having a show, or a movie, or just being on a stage, I need an avenue to say what I have to say.
I was doing sketches that were funny but socially irresponsible. I felt I was deliberately being encouraged and I was overwhelmed.
I get a little heated when I talk about the past. But I wanted to be clear -- I'm not mad at anybody -- not anymore.
The way the people around you position themselves around you to get in your pockets and in your mind is infuriating to me.
My wife asked me once if I weren't a comedian what I would do. I couldn't answer the question. I never imagined doing anything else.
You know, be able to do something great in your life, you're gonna have to realize your failures. You're gonna have to embrace them and figure out how to overcome it.
I want to tell my jokes. I want to have time with my children. I want to entertain people. And at one point, I'll walk away from show business. But I don't want to walk away empty-handed.
One of the things that happens when people make the leap from a certain amount of money to tens of millions of dollars is that the people around you dramatically change.
If you don't have the right people around you and you're moving at a million miles an hour you can lose yourself.
I just always loved stand-up. It's like magic. You say something, and a whole room full of people laughs together. Say something else, they laugh again. The fact that people come to see that and participate in that... I don't know, it's just like magic.
There's a lot of people who don't want anything from me but to laugh and have a good time. You see them at the show and they like -- they dress up to come see your show and stuff. And they pack these auditoriums and it's a lot of fun, man. It's like, this is how I started, and it's still fun for me.
The world can't tell you who you are. You've just got to figure out who you are and be there, for better or worse.
I don't normally talk about my religion publicly because I don't want people to associate me and my flaws with this beautiful thing. And I believe it is beautiful if you learn it the right way.