If we see you smoking we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.
Let's think the unthinkable, let's do the undoable. Let us prepare to grapple with the ineffable itself, and see if we may not eff it after all.
Reality is frequently inaccurate.
Arthur blinked at the screens and felt he was missing something important. Suddenly he realized what it was.
Is there any tea on this spaceship? he asked.
A cup of tea would restore my normality.
The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.
I've had the sort of day that would make St. Francis of Assisi kick babies.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have on your hands is a non-working cat.
Why can't people just learn to live together in peace and harmony? said Arthur.
Ford gave a loud, very hollow laugh.
Forty-two! he said with a malicious grin. No, doesn't work. Never mind.
He stood up straight and looked the world squarely in the fields and hills. To add weight to his words he stuck the rabbit bone in his hair. He spread his arm out wide. I will go mad! he annouced.
Laser light flickered all over him as if he was a packet of biscuits at a super-market check-out.
But while nature has considerable resilience, there is a limit to how far that resilience can be stretched. No one knows how close to the limit we are getting. The darker it gets, the faster we're driving.
Structural linguistics is a bitterly divided and unhappy profession, and a large number of its practitioners spend many nights drowning their sorrows in Ouisghian Zodahs.
Technology is a word that describes something that doesn't work yet.
We are stuck with technology when what we really want is just stuff that works.
We are stuck with technology when all we really want is just stuff that works. How do you recognize something that is still technology? A good clue is if it comes with a manual.
We find our images of what we call evil in things outside ourselves, in creatures that know nothing of such matters, so that we can feel revolted by them, and, by contrast, good about ourselves.
Rather than arriving five hours late and flustered, it would be better all around if he were to arrive five hours and a few extra minutes late, but triumphantly in command.
There are some people you like immediately, some whom you think you might learn to like in the fullness of time, and some that you simply want to push away from you with a sharp stick.
We can't win against obsession. They care, we don't. They win.
The seat received him in a loose and distant kind of way, like an aunt who disapproves of the last fifteen years of your life and will therefore furnish you with a basic sherry, but refuses to catch your eye.
Alltami (n.) The ancient art of being able to balance the hot and cold shower taps.
The Guide says there is an art to flying, said Ford, or rather a knack. The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
The quality of any advice anybody has to offer has to be judged against the quality of life they actually lead.
'You're a jerk,' repeated the alien, 'a complete asshole.'
All opinions are not equal. Some are a very great deal more robust, sophisticated and well supported in logic and argument than others.
He suddenly exploded in a flurry of arms and legs, out of which flew a ball.
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
The last thing he wanted after a hellish night like this one was some blasted day coming along and barging about the place.
The simple truth is that interstellar distances will not fit into the human imagination.
Earth: mostly harmless.
Alone of all the races on earth, they seem to be free from the 'Grass is Greener on the other side of the fence' syndrome, and roundly proclaim that Australia is, in fact, the other side of that fence.
I come in peace...Take me to your lizard.
Unfortunately this Electric Monk had developed a fault, and had started to believe all kinds of things, more or less at random. It was even beginning to believe things they'd have difficulty believing in Salt Lake City.
2,000 years ago one man got nailed to a tree for saying how great it would be if everyone was nice to each other for a change.
What's so unpleasant about being drunk?
Ask a glass of water!
This planet has -- or rather had -- a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much all of the time.
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
You can't dodge your responsibilities by saying they don't exist!
Beethoven tells you what it's like to be Beethoven and Mozart tells you what it's like to be human. Bach tells you what it's like to be the universe.
He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.
Fenchurch had red mullet and said it was delicious.
Arthur had a swordfish steak and said it made him angry. He grabbed a passing waitress by the arm and berated her.
Why's this fish so bloody good? he demanded, angrily.
There is no problem so complicated that you can't find a very simple answer to it if you look at it right.
Don't believe anything you read on the net. Except this. Well, including this, I suppose.
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.
Just believe everything I tell you, and it will all be very, very simple.
Ah, well, I'm not sure I believe that.
We are now cruising at a level of two to the power of twenty-five thousand to one against and falling, and we will be restoring normality just as soon as we are sure what is normal anyway.
It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
And all dared to brave unknown terrors, to do mighty deeds, to boldly split infinitives that no man had split before -- and thus was the Empire forged.
Space is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist, but that's just peanuts to space.
To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem.
He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher… or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.
I'd far rather be happy than right any day.
If somebody thinks they're a hedgehog, presumably you just give 'em a mirror and a few pictures of hedgehogs and tell them to sort it out for themselves.
Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.
You live and learn. At any rate, you live.
Life is wasted on the living.
Years and years ago, I did a game based on 'Hitchhiker's Guide' with a company called Infocom, which was a great company. They were doing witty, intelligent, literate games based on text.
I think that the digital media are interesting enough in their own right to be worth originating something in.
I wanted to be a writer-performer like the Pythons. In fact, I wanted to be John Cleese, and it took me some time to realise that the job was, in fact, taken.
I used to be a great fan of doing crosswords. When you're fiddling around with anagrams, you get wonderful jumbles of syllables that become interesting.
Working out the social politics of who you can trust and why is, quite literally, what a very large part of our brain has evolved to do.
I find the whole business of religion profoundly interesting. But it does mystify me that otherwise intelligent people take it seriously.
The usual method of finding a little dongly thing that actually matches a gizmo I want to use is to go and buy another one, at a price that can physically drive the air from your body.
As a child, I was an active Christian. I used to love the school choir and remember the carol service as always such an emotional thing.
I find the difference, for me, between having no money and having quite a bit is that the bills get bigger. And that's it. The lifestyle doesn't change.
After ten years of word processing, I can't even do hand writing anymore.
I don't believe it. Prove it to me and I still won't believe it.
I've been trying to... Having been an English literary graduate, I've been trying to avoid the idea of doing art ever since. I think the idea of art kills creativity.
I briefly did therapy, but after a while, I realised it is just like a farmer complaining about the weather. You can't fix the weather -- you just have to get on with it.