Quotes by Eric Andre

I'm an elderly Jewish lesbian trapped in a 33 year old nerd's body.

You see a lot of sketch variety shows where each segment is one joke that they repeat over and over and over again, and the sketches are always three or four minutes too long.

I care a lot; I'm very sensitive.

I think everyone is bi, right? There's no such thing as sexual orientation, or race, or gender. Those are all obsolete man-made concepts.

A hole is a hole has always been my motto.

I'm insecure, and I need the validation of strangers to feel whole. So, I need every single racist 12-year-old on the Internet to like me, or I don't feel complete.

Its consistency of what comedy can do and what comedy can be.Growing up with that show The Simpsons shaped my worldview.

I'm an Aries. I need everybody to like me.

I feel like we put all the weight on the president, rather than distributing the weight to all of the elected officials.

I think if the joke is in good taste -- it's a good joke.

I'm not a very good actor, so I break character all the time.

I will smoke crack before I die. I want to see what all the hubbub is about.

I'm a lurker and a creep. Women don't like me because I sleep standing up, like a horse.

Like I said, a sketch is one joke. They shouldn't really be more than a minute, two minutes. There are some shows where the sketch goes on for five minutes. It's like, I get it! I'm already bored. I did like the joke, but I don't anymore, because you went on too long.

I do think homophobia in the '80s was more rampant and socially acceptable.

I think we give human beings too much credit. We're primates, you know.

Bill Cosby spoke out against The Simpsons and there was this kind of evangelical, right-wing sect that was against The Simpsons. Fox was a new network at the time, though, so they were going to take risks.

There's two sides to the coin. I think I'm much happier that Barack Obama won over John McCain or Mitt Romney, because I think Obama did something culturally for the country.

Wonder Showzen was one of the first shows that realized each sketch, each segment is essentially one joke, and, once you know what the joke is, it's time to move on.

The president is the country's scapegoat more than the country's leader; the president has as much power as we think the president has. Whoever has the most money is the puppet master.

Do you think we're going to hit a tipping point and the world's going to end?

All motivation is defined by intention. If the intention is to hurt, divide, or belittle, it's wrong; if it's an attempt to cope with or make sense of tragedy, it's something different. If it's commenting on society's flaws, versus adding to society's flaws, I think the audience can tell.

Wonder Showzen is one of my favorite shows of all time. When I first saw it, I thought it was so funny and new and original and edgy and insane and subversive. I didn't know comedy could do that.

I think journaling is a key to success. You can set clear goals for yourself. You can start noticing repetitive behavior patterns and see the type of things that keep bothering you, and then you can have a bird's eye view of it.

First paying gig, I got 20 bucks. I played at some really weird venue. I don't remember the venue; I just remember it was the last stop on the A train. It was, like, the Far Rockaways, Queens, and it was an audience of, like, three people.

It's funny -- almost every comedian that I started out with moved to L.A., except for my two friends Hannibal Buress and Amy Schumer. And my two friends that are doing the best in comedy, the most successful friends I have, are Hannibal Buress and Amy Schumer.

Dan Curry is the funniest guy in the world. I can sit in a room with him for hours, and he's just cracking me up constantly. And Kitao is the next Terry Gilliam. A lot of comedy directors are just comedic writers, but they don't have any sense of aesthetic or visual vocabulary.

I don't think I would do a straight late-night talk show, like a 'Tonight Show' kind of thing. But I'm open to whatever is done well. I don't have any agenda. I'm not like Fugazi -- I'm not trying to be just so punk rock until I die. Whatever is funny is good.

I've always been obsessed with bad, awkward television and bad public access. Before YouTube, it was a treat coming across that stuff. When I moved to New York, I used to love watching public access late at night.

When you ask people who their favorite comedian is or favorite African-American comedian, people generally say Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle, Eddie Murphy, or Richard Pryor. Redd Foxx gets left out a lot.

People forget at the time that 'The Simpsons' started out, it was controversial -- the fact that they said 'hell' and 'damn' in a cartoon was a lot. America was in an uproar.

Half the shows on Comedy Central are just multi-cam blue sets, and they kind of look like game shows from the '90s. It's like, 'Why do such a bland corporate aesthetic when the sky's the limit with what you can do?'

'Wonder Showzen' is one of my favorite shows of all time. When I first saw it, I thought it was so funny and new and original and edgy and insane and subversive. I didn't know comedy could do that. It redefined what I thought you could do with a TV show.

'The Simpsons' is like Charlie Parker or Marlon Brando or Richard Pryor: Comedy couldn't go back to the way it was after 'The Simpsons' came out.

Hannibal Burress is my polar opposite in energy. I can be crazy, and he grounds the 'Eric Andre Show.'

I want to be remembered for my poop jokes. Those are the most important kind.

I used to be a Geico Caveman for live events. I was a corporate mascot. It was the silliest job. It was actually awesome and fun, but it was retarded.

ABC is owned by Disney, so it's a little more conservative than Adult Swim. Polar opposites.

I loved 'Space Ghost' when I was in college.

I've never seen 'The Goonies.' I've never seen 'Indiana Jones.' I watched 'UHF' over and over again when I was little, and that was it. I had no time for any other movies. I watched 'Naked Gun,' 'UHF,' and 'Airplane!' over and over.

I grew up in Boca Raton, Florida -- the worst place on earth.

I have a karaoke punk band called The Ungrateful Dead, but we don't exist yet.

I like Velvet Underground, but I was never really hardcore into them. I like them, and I like Nico, but I won't front like I'm super knowledgeable. I just never got around to it.

From 'Chappelle's Show' to 'Tosh.0,' there's so much race comedy. It's overdone.

You know something is a hit comedically if you can just call up one of your friends and belt out a line from the show and you both start laughing.

I was eating beans by candle light for a decade.

I don't really know how music and comedy are similar. I try never to dissect it theoretically or academically.

I was a class clown since second grade.