photo of Erma BombeckPhoto Credit: WikiMedia Commons

Quotes by Erma Bombeck

Welcome to our collection of quotes (with shareable picture quotes) by Erma Bombeck. We hope you enjoy pondering them and that you will share them widely.

Wikipedia Summary for Erma Bombeck

Erma Louise Bombeck (née Fiste; February 21, 1927 – April 22, 1996) was an American humorist who achieved great popularity for her syndicated newspaper humor column describing suburban home life from 1965 to 1996. She also published 15 books, most of which became bestsellers.

Between 1965 and April 17, 1996 – five days before her death – Bombeck wrote over 4,000 newspaper columns, using broad and sometimes eloquent humor, chronicling the ordinary life of a midwestern suburban housewife. By the 1970s, her columns were read semi-weekly by 30 million readers of the 900 newspapers in the U.S. and Canada.

Quote: Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of silhouette of person standing beside bare tree under stary sky
Photo Credit: Vincent Chin

Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.


Quote: The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of cloudy sky
Photo Credit: Anandu Vinod

The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.


Quote: On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of seashore during golden hour
Photo Credit: Xan Griffin

On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.


Quote: It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of brown and gray mountains during daytime
Photo Credit: Damon Lam

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.


Quote: Never have more children than you have car windows. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of man holding 1 US dollar banknote
Photo Credit: lucas Favre

Never have more children than you have car windows.






Quote: What if they mispronounce my last name and everyone laughs? What if my teacher doesn't make her D's like Mom taught me? What if I spend the whole day without a friend? by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

What if they mispronounce my last name and everyone laughs? What if my teacher doesn't make her D's like Mom taught me? What if I spend the whole day without a friend?


Quote: No doubt about it... every day in every way my game grows stronger. I saw one enthusiast the other day playing with his racket out of the press. I'll have to try that. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

No doubt about it... every day in every way my game grows stronger. I saw one enthusiast the other day playing with his racket out of the press. I'll have to try that.


Quote: I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up in a sink shaped like a seashell. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up in a sink shaped like a seashell.


Quote: Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen? Three. It takes one to say 'What light?' and two more to say, 'I didn't turn it on.' by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen? Three. It takes one to say 'What light?' and two more to say, 'I didn't turn it on.'


Quote: In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on television. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on television.


Quote: When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, I used everything you gave me. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, I used everything you gave me.


Quote: Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart.


Quote: Graduation day is tough for adults.
They go to the ceremony as parents.
They come home as contemporaries.
After twenty-two years of child-raising,
they are unemployed. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Graduation day is tough for adults.
They go to the ceremony as parents.
They come home as contemporaries.
After twenty-two years of child-raising,
they are unemployed.


Quote: It's frightening to wake up one morning and discover that while you were asleep you went out of style. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

It's frightening to wake up one morning and discover that while you were asleep you went out of style.


Quote: I loved you enough to let you stumble, fall, hurt, and fail. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

I loved you enough to let you stumble, fall, hurt, and fail.


Quote: The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of Erma Bombeck quote: The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.- black text on quotes background

The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.


Quote: Christmas Shopping: Wouldn't it be wonderful to find one gift that you didn't have to dust, that had to be used right away, that was practical, fit everyone, was personal and would be remembered for a long time? I penciled in Gift certificate for a flu shot. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Christmas Shopping: Wouldn't it be wonderful to find one gift that you didn't have to dust, that had to be used right away, that was practical, fit everyone, was personal and would be remembered for a long time? I penciled in Gift certificate for a flu shot.


Quote: If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney.


Quote: Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.


Quote: I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.


Quote: Never loan your car to anyone to whom you've given birth. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Never loan your car to anyone to whom you've given birth.


Quote: Having a delivery covered by Medicare just isn't going to fly. It's too risky for a woman to put a baby down and not remember where she left it. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Having a delivery covered by Medicare just isn't going to fly. It's too risky for a woman to put a baby down and not remember where she left it.


Quote: I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

I don't know why no one ever thought to paste a label on the toilet-tissue spindle giving 1-2-3 directions for replacing the tissue on it. Then everyone in the house would know what Mama knows.


Quote: You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.


Quote: It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.


Quote: Every puppy should have a boy. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Every puppy should have a boy.




Quote: Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Spend at least one Mother's Day with your respective mothers before you decide on marriage. If a man gives his mother a gift certificate for a flu shot, dump him.


Quote: We even switched to a newly-formed church across the town that gave one hundred and twenty trading stamps each time we attended. (We now worship a brown and white chicken with a sunburst on its chest.). by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

We even switched to a newly-formed church across the town that gave one hundred and twenty trading stamps each time we attended. (We now worship a brown and white chicken with a sunburst on its chest.).


Quote: If I had my life to live over I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

If I had my life to live over I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.


Quote: Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.


Quote: People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.


Quote: For the first two years of a child's life, we spend every waking hour tryibg to get the child to communicate. Then we spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out how we can reverse the process. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

For the first two years of a child's life, we spend every waking hour tryibg to get the child to communicate. Then we spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out how we can reverse the process.


Quote: A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. What shall we name the other one? I smiled. She was not amused. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. What shall we name the other one? I smiled. She was not amused.


Quote: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.


Quote: When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.


Quote: Housework can kill you if done right. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Housework can kill you if done right.


Quote: Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.


Quote: A fitting room to me has always been like a confessional ... where my body and my contrition take up the entire room. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

A fitting room to me has always been like a confessional ... where my body and my contrition take up the entire room.


Quote: Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.


Quote: Motherhood is the second oldest profession in the world. It never questions age, height, religious preference, health, political affiliation, citizenship, morality, ethnic background, marital status, economic level, convenience, or previous experience. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Motherhood is the second oldest profession in the world. It never questions age, height, religious preference, health, political affiliation, citizenship, morality, ethnic background, marital status, economic level, convenience, or previous experience.


Quote: One certainty when you travel is the moment you arrive in a foreign country, the American dollar will fall like a stone. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

One certainty when you travel is the moment you arrive in a foreign country, the American dollar will fall like a stone.


Quote: There is only one thing harder in this world than forgiving. It's to ask forgiveness armed only with, 'I'm sorry'. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

There is only one thing harder in this world than forgiving. It's to ask forgiveness armed only with, 'I'm sorry'.


Quote: The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of Erma Bombeck quote: The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.- black text on quotes background

The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.


Quote: When they told me I needed a mastectomy, I thought of the thousands of luncheons and dinners I had attended where they slapped a name tag on my left bosom. I always smiled and said, 'Now, what shall we name the other one?' That would no longer be a problem. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

When they told me I needed a mastectomy, I thought of the thousands of luncheons and dinners I had attended where they slapped a name tag on my left bosom. I always smiled and said, 'Now, what shall we name the other one?' That would no longer be a problem.


Quote: I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.


Quote: Families aren't easy to join. They're like an exclusive country club where membership makes impossible demands and the dues for an outsider are exorbitant. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Families aren't easy to join. They're like an exclusive country club where membership makes impossible demands and the dues for an outsider are exorbitant.


Quote: Throughout the years I have set up my own rules about eating food: Never eat anything you can't pronounce. Beware of food that is described as, Some Americans say it tastes like chicken. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Throughout the years I have set up my own rules about eating food: Never eat anything you can't pronounce. Beware of food that is described as, Some Americans say it tastes like chicken.


Quote: My idea of 'roughing it' is when you have to have an extension for your electric blanket. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

My idea of 'roughing it' is when you have to have an extension for your electric blanket.


Quote: No One Diets on Thanksgiving. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

No One Diets on Thanksgiving.


Quote: A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

Longer Version/[Notes]:

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -- and he's a priest.


Quote: The grass is always greener over the septic tank. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

The grass is always greener over the septic tank.


Quote: Most mothers entering the labor market outside the home are naive. They stagger home each evening, holding mail in their teeth, the cleaning over their arm, a lamb chop defrosting under each armpit, balancing two gallons of frozen milk between their knees, and expect one of the kids to get the door. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of Erma Bombeck quote: Most mothers entering the labor market outside the home are naive. They stagger home each evening, holding mail in their teeth, the cleaning over their arm, a lamb chop defrosting under each armpit, balancing two gallons of frozen milk between their knees, and expect one of the kids to get the door.- black text on quotes background

Most mothers entering the labor market outside the home are naive. They stagger home each evening, holding mail in their teeth, the cleaning over their arm, a lamb chop defrosting under each armpit, balancing two gallons of frozen milk between their knees, and expect one of the kids to get the door.


Quote: I have never understood, for example, how come a child can climb up on the roof, scale the TV antenna, and rescue the cat ... yet cannot walk down the hallway without grabbing both walls with his grubby hands for balance. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

I have never understood, for example, how come a child can climb up on the roof, scale the TV antenna, and rescue the cat ... yet cannot walk down the hallway without grabbing both walls with his grubby hands for balance.


Quote: A kitchen without an ironing board? Are you kidding? It's un-American. It's like Simon without Garfunkel. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

A kitchen without an ironing board? Are you kidding? It's un-American. It's like Simon without Garfunkel.


Quote: Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus.


Quote: In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

In the South Pacific, because of their size, mosquitoes are required to file flight plans.


Quote: I read one psychologist's theory that said, Never strike a child in your anger. When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he's recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday? by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

I read one psychologist's theory that said, Never strike a child in your anger. When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he's recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?






Quote: I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.


Quote: The woman who says, 'My kids are all speaking to one another and they love us' is a psychopathic liar. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

The woman who says, 'My kids are all speaking to one another and they love us' is a psychopathic liar.


Quote: People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.


Quote: We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, 'He wants his mother.' by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

We wondered why when a child laughed, he belonged to Daddy, and when he had a sagging diaper that smelled like a landfill, 'He wants his mother.'


Quote: With girls, everything looks great on the surface. But beware of drawers that won't open. They contain a three-month supply of dirty underwear, unwashed hose, and rubber bands with blobs of hair in them. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

With girls, everything looks great on the surface. But beware of drawers that won't open. They contain a three-month supply of dirty underwear, unwashed hose, and rubber bands with blobs of hair in them.


Quote: Motherhood isn't just a series of contractions; it's a state of mind. From the moment we know life is inside us, we feel a responsibility to protect and defend that human being. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Motherhood isn't just a series of contractions; it's a state of mind. From the moment we know life is inside us, we feel a responsibility to protect and defend that human being.


Quote: I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, Never mind! I'll do it myself. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, Never mind! I'll do it myself.


Quote: I lost everything in the post-natal depression. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

I lost everything in the post-natal depression.


Quote: Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake.


Quote: I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.


Quote: I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.


Quote: The ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

The ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.


Quote: I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

I have a friend who lives by a three-word philosophy: Seize the Moment. Just possibly, she may be the wisest woman on this planet.


Quote: I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.


Quote: One son appears in stereo -- a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

One son appears in stereo -- a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.


Quote: To say, Well, I write when I really get into it is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at it a long time, get snowblindness if you have to, but write something. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

To say, Well, I write when I really get into it is a bunch of bull. Put the paper in the typewriter, stare at it a long time, get snowblindness if you have to, but write something.


Quote: I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.


Quote: With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It's all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom.


Quote: With boys, you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

With boys, you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane.




Quote: Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Everyone I talked to was a recording-the bank, the elevator, your office, the school, a wrong number. You used to be able to call a wrong number and get a person.


Quote: A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

A grandparent will help you with your buttons, your zippers, and your shoelaces and not be in any hurry for you to grow up.


Quote: What makes people laugh? ... It's a happy marriage between a person who needs to laugh and someone who's got one to give. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

What makes people laugh? ... It's a happy marriage between a person who needs to laugh and someone who's got one to give.


Quote: Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can't see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.




Quote: I remember thinking how often we look, but never see ... we listen, but never hear ... we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

I remember thinking how often we look, but never see ... we listen, but never hear ... we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.


Quote: Why take pride in cooking, when they don't take pride in eating? by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Why take pride in cooking, when they don't take pride in eating?




Quote: Next to hot chicken soup, a tattoo of an anchor on your chest, and penicillin, I consider a honeymoon one of the most overrated events in the world. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Next to hot chicken soup, a tattoo of an anchor on your chest, and penicillin, I consider a honeymoon one of the most overrated events in the world.


Quote: It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: This will vary with your microwave. Loosely translated, this means, You're on your own, Bernice. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: This will vary with your microwave. Loosely translated, this means, You're on your own, Bernice.


Quote: What does it profit a 78-year-old woman to sit around the pool in a bikini if she cannot feed herself? by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

What does it profit a 78-year-old woman to sit around the pool in a bikini if she cannot feed herself?


Quote: Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.


Quote: The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track? by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?


Quote: With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.


Quote: The term 'working mother' is redundant. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

The term 'working mother' is redundant.


Quote: I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prominence. It used to be in a little jar that sat next to the salt on the table and everyone passed it around, sneezed, and it was no big deal.


Quote: Authorities say brain cells may shrink, but they don't necessarily die. Frankly, I am cheered by the fact that something is shrinking. I'd be even more thrilled if what was shrinking affected my dress size, but you can't have everything. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Authorities say brain cells may shrink, but they don't necessarily die. Frankly, I am cheered by the fact that something is shrinking. I'd be even more thrilled if what was shrinking affected my dress size, but you can't have everything.




Quote: There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ... Time, self-pity, apathy, bitterness, and exhaustion can take the Christmas out of the child, but you cannot take the child out of Christmas. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ... Time, self-pity, apathy, bitterness, and exhaustion can take the Christmas out of the child, but you cannot take the child out of Christmas.


Quote: The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight.


Quote: Occasionally, once a speaker is on his feet, it is difficult to get him to sit down. ... If and when he returns to earth, he notices half of the room is paging the other half and a few are playing with the melted candles. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Occasionally, once a speaker is on his feet, it is difficult to get him to sit down. ... If and when he returns to earth, he notices half of the room is paging the other half and a few are playing with the melted candles.


Quote: When you're lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

When you're lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.




Quote: Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.


Quote: She's as funny as a toothache. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

She's as funny as a toothache.




Quote: Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wore a dress that could slipcover New Jersey in one photo and thirty days later looked like a well-dressed thermometer. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Those magazine dieting stories always have the testimonial of a woman who wore a dress that could slipcover New Jersey in one photo and thirty days later looked like a well-dressed thermometer.




Quote: Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation's compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation's compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.


Quote: Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Kids need love the most when they're acting most unlovable.


Quote: Not all bears have their own television series. Some of them are unemployed wild animals. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Not all bears have their own television series. Some of them are unemployed wild animals.


Quote: I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It's just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It's just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.


Quote: Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing real men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity. To women, it's on the same domestic entry level as putting the spring back into the toilet-tissue holder or taking a chicken out of the freezer to thaw. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of Erma Bombeck quote: Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing real men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity. To women, it's on the same domestic entry level as putting the spring back into the toilet-tissue holder or taking a chicken out of the freezer to thaw.- black text on quotes background

Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing real men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity. To women, it's on the same domestic entry level as putting the spring back into the toilet-tissue holder or taking a chicken out of the freezer to thaw.


Quote: A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.


Quote: Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.


Quote: I hated skiing or any other sport where there was an ambulance waiting at the bottom of the hill. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

I hated skiing or any other sport where there was an ambulance waiting at the bottom of the hill.


Quote: I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.


Quote: Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.


Quote: Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.


Quote: He who laughs.....lasts. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

He who laughs.....lasts.


Quote: Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.


Quote: One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.


Quote: No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Longer Version/[Notes]:

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.


Quote: The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.


Quote: Written on her tombstone: I told you I was sick. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Written on her tombstone: I told you I was sick.


Quote: Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Maybe you know why a child can reject a hot dog with mustard served on a soft bun at home, yet eat six of them two hours later at fifty cents each.


Quote: I never go to a college reunion that I don't come away feeling sorry for all those paunchy, balding jocks trying to hang onto youth. I feel sorry for the men, too. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

I never go to a college reunion that I don't come away feeling sorry for all those paunchy, balding jocks trying to hang onto youth. I feel sorry for the men, too.


Quote: Friends are annuals that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a perennial that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Friends are annuals that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a perennial that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There's a place in the garden for both of them.


Quote: Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It's unbridled, its unplanned, it's full of suprises.


Quote: It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.


Quote: Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives.


Quote: My mother won't admit it, but I've always been a disappointment to her. Deep down inside, she'll never forgive herself for giving birth to a daughter who refuses to launder aluminium foil and use it over again. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

My mother won't admit it, but I've always been a disappointment to her. Deep down inside, she'll never forgive herself for giving birth to a daughter who refuses to launder aluminium foil and use it over again.


Quote: Laugh now, cry later. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Laugh now, cry later.




Quote: Some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint -- like a heartbeat. And pure love -- why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint -- like a heartbeat. And pure love -- why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there.


Quote: Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.


Quote: All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

All of a sudden, I feel very old and very tired. Maybe when I get to California, the smog, brush fires, floods, and earthquakes will cheer me up.


Quote: My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren't that crazy about either one of us.


Quote: Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.


Quote: Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.


Quote: If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.


Quote: What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving? by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?

Longer Version/[Notes]:

What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving.


Quote: For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.


Quote: A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -- and he's a priest. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -- and he's a priest.


Quote: Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.


Quote: People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.


Quote: House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.


Quote: There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.


Quote: Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.


Quote: Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.


Quote: What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere? by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?


Quote: Never accept a drink from a urologist. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Never accept a drink from a urologist.


Quote: God created man, but I could do better. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

God created man, but I could do better.


Quote: I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.


Quote: I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.


Quote: Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.


Quote: My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you? by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?


Quote: In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.


Quote: My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.


Quote: My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.


Quote: Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.


Quote: All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.


Quote: When humor goes, there goes civilization. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

When humor goes, there goes civilization.


Quote: If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.


Quote: Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.


Quote: If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.


Quote: A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.


Quote: There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.


Quote: There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.


Quote: I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.


Quote: It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.


Quote: When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.


Quote: Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.


Quote: There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.


Quote: I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. by author Erma Bombeck overlaid on photo of photo of author Erma Bombeck with quote

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.


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