Some people will have their own way even when they don't know what it is.

An actor is a man with an infinite capacity for taking praise.

The one for the road may be two for the cemetery.

When you hire people who are smarter than you are, you prove you are smarter than they are.

This may be the age of automation, but love is still being made by hand.

The honeymoon is over when the bride who took her husband for better or for worse, starts taking him for granted.

Many people will laugh at the drop of a hat, especially if the man is still in it.

No man is half as intelligent as he wants some woman to think he is.

Reactionary: One who wants the rules enforced so nobody can take his pile away from him the way he got it from others.

The amount of sleep required by the average person is about half an hour more.

If you want to be successful, you must either have a chance or take one.

Some men take good care of a car; others treat it like one of the family.

The state of the Union largely depends on the state of the unions.

The difference between two men is usually a woman.

All men are born equal, but some of them outgrow it.

Corn is something discovered by Indians, distributed by farmers, distilled by moonshiners, and dispensed by comedians.

Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.

Originality is rare: most of us know a good thing as soon as the other fellow sees it.

It takes a clever girl to keep a man at arm's length without losing her grip on him.

The three chief causes of divorce are men, women, and marriage.