Title Image - Quotes by Author Frank ZappaPhoto Credit: WikiMedia Commons

Wisdom is not the domain of the Wiz.

--Frank Zappa

The more you can escape from how horrible things really are, the less it's going to bother you...and then, the worse things get.

--Frank Zappa

A wise man once said, never discuss philosophy or politics in a disco environment.

--Frank Zappa

I have an important message to deliver to all the cute people all over the world. If you're out there and you're cute, maybe you're beautiful. I just want to tell you somethin' -- there's more of us UGLY MOTHERFUCKERS than you are, hey-y, so watch out.

--Frank Zappa

I think the anti-smoking business is a yuppie invention-an extension of the concept that we'll always be young, rich, and healthy.

--Frank Zappa

Roller-skates and disco are a lot of fun, I'm much too young and stupid to operate a gun.

--Frank Zappa

Guitar playing, as currently understood, has more to do with sports than it does to do with music. It's an Olympic challenge type of situation. The challenges are in the realm of speed, redundancy, choreography, and grooming... ...clouds of educated gnat-notes.

--Frank Zappa

The Very Big Stupid is a thing which breeds by eating The Future. Have you seen it? It sometimes disguises itself as a good-looking quarterly bottom line, derived by closing the RandD department.

--Frank Zappa

Power will be maintained by the groovy guy or gal who gets the most media coverage for his sleaze. Naturally, his friends in various businesses will do okay, too.

--Frank Zappa

Scientists believe that the universe is made of hydrogen because they claim it's the most plentiful ingredient. I claim that the most plentiful ingredient is stupidity.

--Frank Zappa

Love lyrics have contributed to the general aura of bad mental health in America.

--Frank Zappa

The whole music business in the United States is based on numbers, based on unit sales and not on quality. It's not based on beauty, it's based on hype and it's based on cocaine. It's based on giving presents of large packages of dollars to play records on the air.

--Frank Zappa

I think that if a person doesn't feel cynical then they're out of phase with the 20th century. Being cynical is the only way to deal with modern civilization -- you can't just swallow it whole.

--Frank Zappa

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons and 85% morons.

--Frank Zappa

Modern music is people who can't think signing artists who can't write songs to make records for people who can't hear.

--Frank Zappa

The whiskers sticking up from underneath his pancake makeup, and yet he was a beautiful lady.

--Frank Zappa

It would be easier to pay off the national debt overnight than to neutralise the long-range effects of our national stupidity.

--Frank Zappa

I proceeded to take that mitten full of the deadly yellow snow crystals and rub it all into his beady little eyes with a vigorous circular motion.

--Frank Zappa

Her head is full of bubbles, her nose is petite, she looks like she never gets nothing to eat.

--Frank Zappa

I don't want to see any religious people in public office because they're working for another boss.

--Frank Zappa

The kerosene record player is not a very efficient device.

--Frank Zappa

I can take about an hour on the tower of power, as long as I gets a little golden shower.

--Frank Zappa

In your dreams you can see yourself as a prophet saving the world.

--Frank Zappa

Kid's heads are filled with so many nonfacts that when they get out of school they're totally unprepared to do anything. They can't read, they can't write, they can't think. Talk about child abuse. The U.S. school system as a whole qualifies.

--Frank Zappa

When they dumped all these people out of the insane asylums they didn't all go sleep in the street. Some of them moved into suburbia, and started writing postcards to the FCC.

--Frank Zappa

It's a despicable thing to share your personal inner torment for money.

--Frank Zappa

Tosses her head and flips her hair, she got a whole bunch of nothing in there.

--Frank Zappa

The NRA, with the fingers on the triggers when they kneel and pray.

--Frank Zappa

America was founded by the refuse of the religious fanatics of England, these undesirable elements that came over on the Mayflower. Ignorant, religious fanatics who land here and abuse the Indians.

--Frank Zappa

Science is moving closer to weaponry, and Art is moving closer to commercialism. And never the twain shall meet.

--Frank Zappa

Our criminal institutions are full of creeps like you who do wrong things, and many of them were driven to these crimes by the horrible force called music.

--Frank Zappa

Music without the ebb and flow would be like watching a film with only good guys in it.

--Frank Zappa

Don't eat the yellow snow.

--Frank Zappa

Anybody who wants religion is welcome to it, as far as I'm concerned -- I support your right to enjoy it. However, I would appreciate it if you exhibited more respect for the rights of those people who do not wish to share your dogma, rapture, or necrodestination.

--Frank Zappa

The bassoon is one of my favorite instruments. It has a medieval aroma, like the days when everything used to sound like that. Some people crave baseball...I find this unfathomable, but I can easily understand why a person could get excited about playing the bassoon.

--Frank Zappa

I like to watch the news, because I don't like people very much and when you watch the news ... if you ever had an idea that people were really terrible, you could watch the news and know that you're right.

--Frank Zappa

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer.

--Frank Zappa

Longer Version:

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline -- it helps if you have some kind of football team, or some nuclear weapons, but in the very least you need a beer.


Nobody looks good with brown lipstick on.

--Frank Zappa

There is no hell. There is only France.

--Frank Zappa

They's making it worse, the labor movement got the mafia curse.

--Frank Zappa

Shut Up and Play your Guitar.

--Frank Zappa

If you end up with a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it.

--Frank Zappa

Definition of rock journalism: People who can't write, doing interviews with people who can't think, in order to prepare articles for people who can't read.

--Frank Zappa

Jazz isn't dead. It just smells funny.

--Frank Zappa

My best advice to anyone who wants to raise a happy, mentally healthy child is: Keep him or her as far away from a church as you can.

--Frank Zappa

Drop out of school before your mind rots from exposure to our mediocre educational system. Forget about the Senior Prom and go to the library and educate yourself if you've got any guts. Some of you like Pep rallies and plastic robots who tell you what to read.

--Frank Zappa

Music, in performance, is a type of sculpture. The air in the performance is sculpted into something.

--Frank Zappa

Most people wouldn't know music if it came up and bit them on the ass.

--Frank Zappa

Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.

--Frank Zappa

A composer is a guy who goes around forcing his will on unsuspecting air molecules, often with the assistance of unsuspecting musicians.

--Frank Zappa

You can't always write a chord ugly enough to say what you want to say, so sometimes you have to rely on a giraffe filled with whipped cream.

--Frank Zappa

If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.

--Frank Zappa

All the good music has already been written by people with wigs and stuff.

--Frank Zappa

Longer Version:

All the good music has already been written by people with wigs and stuff...Basically what people want to hear is: I love you, you love me, the leaves turn brown, they fell off the trees, the wind is blowing, it got cold, you went away, my heart broke, you came back, and my heart was okay...Modern music is people who can't think signing artists who can't write songs to make records for people who can't hear. Most people wouldn't know good music if it came up and bit them on the ass...If lyrics make people do things, how come we don't love each other?


There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.

--Frank Zappa

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.

--Frank Zappa

Music is always a commentary on society.

--Frank Zappa

There are more love songs than anything else. If songs could make you do something we'd all love one another.

--Frank Zappa

Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid.

--Frank Zappa

It isn't necessary to imagine the world ending in fire or ice. There are two other possibilities: one is paperwork, and the other is nostalgia.

--Frank Zappa

Longer Version:

It isn't necessary to imagine the world ending in fire or ice. There are two other possibilities: one is paperwork, and the other is nostalgia. Eventually within the next quarter of a century, the nostalgia cycles will be so close together that people will not be able to take a step without being nostalgic for the one they just took. At that point, everything stops. Death by Nostalgia.


Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.

--Frank Zappa

Politics is the entertainment branch of industry.

--Frank Zappa

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