Nobody gives a crap if we're great musicians.

Is this something new, having people stomp on you? Is it what I need to do for your pleasure?

My balls feel like a pair of maracas.

She lives in Mojave in a Winnebago. His name is Bobby, he looks like a potato.

Most people wouldn't know music if it came up and bit them on the ass.

Look here brother, who you jivin' with that cosmik debris?

The most abundant element in the Universe is stupidity.

Sexual gratification can only be achieved through the use of machines.

Her head is full of bubbles, her nose is petite, she looks like she never gets nothing to eat.

The NRA, with the fingers on the triggers when they kneel and pray.

A composer's job involves the decoration of fragments of time.

Classical music is this music that was written by a bunch of dead people a long time ago.

Did he really choose Tammy to do his work?

The people of your century no longer require the service of composers. A composer is as useful to a person in a jogging suit as a dinsoaur turd in the middle of his runway.

Don't eat the yellow snow.

I have an important message to deliver to all the cute people all over the world. If you're out there and you're cute, maybe you're beautiful. I just want to tell you somethin' -- there's more of us UGLY MOTHERFUCKERS than you are, hey-y, so watch out.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Politics Is the Entertainment Branch of Industry. C-SPAN's coverage of governmental proceedings is wonderful. Caution! Buffoons on the Hill! Wallowing in blabber and spew, regiments of ex-lawyers and used-car salesmen attempt to distract us from the naughty little surprises served up by deregulated corporate America.

Let's not be too tough on our own ignorance. It's the thing that makes America great. If America weren't incomparably ignorant, how could we have tolerated the last eight years?

There are more love songs than anything else. If songs could make you do something we'd all love one another.

Ram it up your poop chute.