photo of Joe RoganPhoto Credit: WikiMedia Commons

Quotes by Joe Rogan

Welcome to our collection of quotes by Joe Rogan. We hope you enjoy pondering them and please share widely.

Wikipedia Summary for Joe Rogan

Joseph James Rogan (born August 11, 1967) is an American podcast host, UFC color commentator, comedian, and former television presenter.

Rogan began his career in comedy in August 1988 in the Boston area. After relocating to Los Angeles in 1994, he signed an exclusive developmental deal with Disney, and appeared as an actor on several television shows including Hardball and NewsRadio. In 1997, he started working for the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) as an interviewer and color commentator.

Rogan released his first comedy special, I'm Gonna Be Dead Someday ..., in 2000. From 2001 to 2006, he was the host of the game show Fear Factor. In 2009, Rogan launched his podcast The Joe Rogan Experience, which led him to increased success and podcast superstardom.

Quote: If you ever start taking things too seriously, just remember that we are talking monkeys on an organic spaceship flying through the universe. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of man in red shirt sitting on white suv during daytime
Photo Credit: Alexandre Barbosa

If you ever start taking things too seriously, just remember that we are talking monkeys on an organic spaceship flying through the universe.


Quote: I never want to compromise my act just to get a laugh. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

I never want to compromise my act just to get a laugh.


Quote: There are only two reasons to hate gay marriage. Either you're dumb, or you're secretly worried that dicks are delicious. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

There are only two reasons to hate gay marriage. Either you're dumb, or you're secretly worried that dicks are delicious.


Quote: The number one reason why marijuana is illegal is because the Pharma Cartel does not want you to grow your own medicine. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

The number one reason why marijuana is illegal is because the Pharma Cartel does not want you to grow your own medicine.

Longer Version/[Notes]:

The number one reason why marijuana is illegal is because the Pharma Cartel does not want you to grow your own medicine. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper. The first car ever made ran on hemp oil. Hemp seeds are also the healthiest food on the planet with the highest protein content out of any plant.


Quote: People say you can abuse marijuana. Well shit, you can abuse cheeseburgers too, you know? You don't go around closing Burger King because you can abuse something. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

People say you can abuse marijuana. Well shit, you can abuse cheeseburgers too, you know? You don't go around closing Burger King because you can abuse something.


Quote: We all go through doubt. It's hard. Those difficult moments are what build your character. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

We all go through doubt. It's hard. Those difficult moments are what build your character.


Quote: One of the most fascinating lessons I've absorbed about life is that the struggle is good. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

One of the most fascinating lessons I've absorbed about life is that the struggle is good.


Quote: But it's hard for a chick to do comedy. It's not as open for them. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

But it's hard for a chick to do comedy. It's not as open for them.




Quote: I love existing in pre big bang conditions. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

I love existing in pre big bang conditions.


Quote: There's only 2 reasons that you hate gay marriage; 

 1. You're dumb, or 2. You're secretly worried that dicks are delicious. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

There's only 2 reasons that you hate gay marriage;

1. You're dumb, or 2. You're secretly worried that dicks are delicious.


Quote: I want to talk about the nature of human beings or how we're evolving as a race. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

I want to talk about the nature of human beings or how we're evolving as a race.


Quote: When I started out I was definitely more traditional. It was 1988. Everyone was doing the Jerry Seinfeld. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

When I started out I was definitely more traditional. It was 1988. Everyone was doing the Jerry Seinfeld.


Quote: I'm a nightclub comic. That's what I do. I work in the clubs uncensored because my mind is uncensored, and those are the thoughts that I have. I do the kind of comedy that I would enjoy seeing. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

I'm a nightclub comic. That's what I do. I work in the clubs uncensored because my mind is uncensored, and those are the thoughts that I have. I do the kind of comedy that I would enjoy seeing.


Quote: Greatness and madness are next door neighbours; and they borrow each other's sugar. You don't get there without the other. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Greatness and madness are next door neighbours; and they borrow each other's sugar. You don't get there without the other.


Quote: Having the privilege of sitting down and having 3 hour long uninterrupted conversations with hundreds of brilliant people is an awesome perspective enhancer. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Having the privilege of sitting down and having 3 hour long uninterrupted conversations with hundreds of brilliant people is an awesome perspective enhancer.


Quote: There's a classic story I tell about when I did the Man Show about the retarded conversations that you have with the executive producers and the network. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

There's a classic story I tell about when I did the Man Show about the retarded conversations that you have with the executive producers and the network.


Quote: Omigawa is moving forward like a karate robot. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Omigawa is moving forward like a karate robot.


Quote: I stopped using twitter because it's like a bunch of mental patients throwing shit at each other. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

I stopped using twitter because it's like a bunch of mental patients throwing shit at each other.


Quote: People are scared man, they're scared of the void. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

People are scared man, they're scared of the void.


Quote: Imagine being a poor person and you find out that the Queen who literally does nothing is making 100 million dollars in a year. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Imagine being a poor person and you find out that the Queen who literally does nothing is making 100 million dollars in a year.


Quote: One of the things that happened is I did a lot of shitty gigs. When you do a bunch of shitty bar gigs you have to get used to people yelling at you, you're used to thinking on the fly, to dealing with weird situations. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

One of the things that happened is I did a lot of shitty gigs. When you do a bunch of shitty bar gigs you have to get used to people yelling at you, you're used to thinking on the fly, to dealing with weird situations.


Quote: I always try to look at conflicts from as many different angles as is humanly possible, and in a lot of ways there is no one answer. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

I always try to look at conflicts from as many different angles as is humanly possible, and in a lot of ways there is no one answer.


Quote: I think stand is better now than it's ever been. I think it's the greatest time ever to do standup comedy. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

I think stand is better now than it's ever been. I think it's the greatest time ever to do standup comedy.


Quote: The Universe rewards calculated risk and passion. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

The Universe rewards calculated risk and passion.


Quote: I'm really happy that I've been able to make people laugh and distract them from their day to day bullshit at a comedy show or because they enjoyed one of my CDs or TV specials, but I don't know how many people have actually had life changing thoughts because of it. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of Joe Rogan quote; white text on black background

I'm really happy that I've been able to make people laugh and distract them from their day to day bullshit at a comedy show or because they enjoyed one of my CDs or TV specials, but I don't know how many people have actually had life changing thoughts because of it.


Quote: You do what you're supposed to do, but you have to be honest about what they're doing. When you do a comedy show on a network the problem is there are going to be a bunch of people who aren't comedians that are going to tell you what's funny. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

You do what you're supposed to do, but you have to be honest about what they're doing. When you do a comedy show on a network the problem is there are going to be a bunch of people who aren't comedians that are going to tell you what's funny.


Quote: We have to start treating each other as if we are treating ourselves living another life. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

We have to start treating each other as if we are treating ourselves living another life.


Quote: If I could make the same amount of money doing standup it would be no contest. The problem is that if you do make that kind of money doing standup, it's not in clubs, it's in big auditoriums and large venues, and I really think something is lost when you do standup for a big crowd. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of Joe Rogan quote: If I could make the same amount of money doing standup it would be no contest. The problem is that if you do make that kind of money doing standup, it's not in clubs, it's in big auditoriums and large venues, and I really think something is lost when you do standup for a big crowd.- black text on quotes background

If I could make the same amount of money doing standup it would be no contest. The problem is that if you do make that kind of money doing standup, it's not in clubs, it's in big auditoriums and large venues, and I really think something is lost when you do standup for a big crowd.


Quote: Kindness is one of the best gifts you can bestow... We know that inherently that feels great. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Kindness is one of the best gifts you can bestow... We know that inherently that feels great.


Quote: Maybe we can combine 2 things that everybody loves. Helping out the poor and blow jobs. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Maybe we can combine 2 things that everybody loves. Helping out the poor and blow jobs.


Quote: I don't like people that make their living talking about bullshit, and you see them in many shows that are made on the same subject. When you go looking at UFOs or bigfoot or what-have-you, there's just nothing there. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

I don't like people that make their living talking about bullshit, and you see them in many shows that are made on the same subject. When you go looking at UFOs or bigfoot or what-have-you, there's just nothing there.


Quote: Not all comedy clubs or situations are ideal, especially when you're first coming up and I think that's good for you. Eventually you get to express your real personality. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Not all comedy clubs or situations are ideal, especially when you're first coming up and I think that's good for you. Eventually you get to express your real personality.




Quote: I think there is more comedians now than ever, more venues now than ever. There are stand-ups who live in towns where they don't have many comedy clubs where they are organizing more comedy nights in bars. I just think this is a fantastic time for stand up. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

I think there is more comedians now than ever, more venues now than ever. There are stand-ups who live in towns where they don't have many comedy clubs where they are organizing more comedy nights in bars. I just think this is a fantastic time for stand up.


Quote: Like bees creating a beehive or ants creating an anthill we're all moving along creating something and we're not sure what it is. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Like bees creating a beehive or ants creating an anthill we're all moving along creating something and we're not sure what it is.




Quote: You want to talk about the word faggot because it really offends you? Well you're a douchebag. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

You want to talk about the word faggot because it really offends you? Well you're a douchebag.


Quote: Like if you all were going to go out and one guy's like you know what man I'm going to stay home I'm feeling kind of shitty, you go, You faggot. That's what it means. It's about a guy wimping out, being a douchebag...it has nothing to do with your sexual orientation. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of Joe Rogan quote; white text on black background

Like if you all were going to go out and one guy's like you know what man I'm going to stay home I'm feeling kind of shitty, you go, You faggot. That's what it means. It's about a guy wimping out, being a douchebag...it has nothing to do with your sexual orientation.


Quote: Comedy shows in D.C. are so much fun. I think because of the intense area that is connected to politics that people need, they need their down time. D.C. audiences are almost universally praised by comedians. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Comedy shows in D.C. are so much fun. I think because of the intense area that is connected to politics that people need, they need their down time. D.C. audiences are almost universally praised by comedians.


Quote: If the world was an etch-a-sketch, glaciers are the big shake. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

If the world was an etch-a-sketch, glaciers are the big shake.


Quote: Build confidence and momentum with each good decision you make from here on out and choose to be inspired. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Build confidence and momentum with each good decision you make from here on out and choose to be inspired.


Quote: Aspire to be the man you pretend to be when you're trying to get laid. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Aspire to be the man you pretend to be when you're trying to get laid.


Quote: Haters...are all failures. It's 100% across the board. No one who is truly brilliant at anything is a hater. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Haters...are all failures. It's 100% across the board. No one who is truly brilliant at anything is a hater.




Quote: Martial arts are a vehicle for developing your human potential. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Martial arts are a vehicle for developing your human potential.


Quote: The key to happiness doesn't lay in numbers in a bank account but in the way we make others feel. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

The key to happiness doesn't lay in numbers in a bank account but in the way we make others feel.


Quote: Jiu-Jitsu has been one of the most valuable tools I've ever had in my life. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Jiu-Jitsu has been one of the most valuable tools I've ever had in my life.


Quote: The people who could most benefit from the self-reflective ego-dissolving qualities of cannabis are the ones that want it to be illegal. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

The people who could most benefit from the self-reflective ego-dissolving qualities of cannabis are the ones that want it to be illegal.


Quote: The mind is the most important thing of the big picture and no one has a stronger mindset than amateur wrestlers. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

The mind is the most important thing of the big picture and no one has a stronger mindset than amateur wrestlers.


Quote: Someone else's success does not equal a failure for you. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Someone else's success does not equal a failure for you.


Quote: Choose To Be Inspired. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Choose To Be Inspired.


Quote: If Tyson Griffin was a girl, I'd say he has a badonkadonk. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

If Tyson Griffin was a girl, I'd say he has a badonkadonk.


Quote: Once you understand what excellence is all about... you see how that excellence manifests itself in any discipline. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Once you understand what excellence is all about... you see how that excellence manifests itself in any discipline.


Quote: To really appreciate life you got to know you're going to die. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

To really appreciate life you got to know you're going to die.


Quote: You're just part of the soup of the universe, so just try to enjoy what's good about it. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

You're just part of the soup of the universe, so just try to enjoy what's good about it.


Quote: There's a never-ending ocean of techniques out there. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

There's a never-ending ocean of techniques out there.


Quote: I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm

 not going to go out of my way. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm

not going to go out of my way.


Quote: I realized a long time ago that instead of being jealous you can be inspired and appreciative. It carries more energy to you. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

I realized a long time ago that instead of being jealous you can be inspired and appreciative. It carries more energy to you.

Longer Version/[Notes]:

I realized a long time ago that instead of being jealous you can be inspired and appreciative. It carries more energy to you... That can be an awesome motivating force that can improve your life if you choose to be inspired and not jealous. One (being jealous) has no benefit whatsoever, the other is an incredible resource for creating momentum and improvement.


Quote: We live in a society that makes it really easy for these pussies to get by. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

We live in a society that makes it really easy for these pussies to get by.


Quote: Prison is for rapists, thieves, and murderers. If you lock someone up for smoking a plant that makes them happy, then you're the fucking criminal. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Prison is for rapists, thieves, and murderers. If you lock someone up for smoking a plant that makes them happy, then you're the fucking criminal.


Quote: If you attach your mind to any ideology, you're going to be on a road, and that road may or may not lead you in a good direction. But you're gonna stay on that road because you are attached to an ideology. It could be a terrible road, but you stick with it regardless of rational thinking. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of Joe Rogan quote: If you attach your mind to any ideology, you're going to be on a road, and that road may or may not lead you in a good direction. But you're gonna stay on that road because you are attached to an ideology. It could be a terrible road, but you stick with it regardless of rational thinking.- black text on quotes background

If you attach your mind to any ideology, you're going to be on a road, and that road may or may not lead you in a good direction. But you're gonna stay on that road because you are attached to an ideology. It could be a terrible road, but you stick with it regardless of rational thinking.


Quote: The sensory deprivation chamber has been the most important tool that I've ever used for developing my mind. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

The sensory deprivation chamber has been the most important tool that I've ever used for developing my mind.


Quote: Most of my bits are long stream-of-consciousness- type things, and when I'm doing them onstage, other places to take the theme or idea will hit me, and I just go with it. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Most of my bits are long stream-of-consciousness- type things, and when I'm doing them onstage, other places to take the theme or idea will hit me, and I just go with it.


Quote: It's impossible to measure the type of mental strength and determination that's required to be an elite wrestler. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

It's impossible to measure the type of mental strength and determination that's required to be an elite wrestler.


Quote: So many times I've done a CD, and then the week after I record it, I've got this new tagline that's killer. And it makes the whole bit better. It happens all the time. But that's just the process of comedy. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

So many times I've done a CD, and then the week after I record it, I've got this new tagline that's killer. And it makes the whole bit better. It happens all the time. But that's just the process of comedy.


Quote: I thought eventually I'd have a family and I really didn't want to be a loser like that guy in his 40s still shopping his band's shitty demo tapes around. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

I thought eventually I'd have a family and I really didn't want to be a loser like that guy in his 40s still shopping his band's shitty demo tapes around.


Quote: I'll go to church with anyone who's willing to smoke pot and look through a telescope with me. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

I'll go to church with anyone who's willing to smoke pot and look through a telescope with me.


Quote: Teaching someone that doesn't know something forces you to think about almost every single aspect of it, including parts of it that you could sort of take for granted. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Teaching someone that doesn't know something forces you to think about almost every single aspect of it, including parts of it that you could sort of take for granted.


Quote: Peter Joseph is asking the questions and proposing the possible solutions that we should be demanding from the elected leaders of this crazy world. 

 His brilliant analysis of this ridiculous system we're operating under is one of the most important voices for change in this generation. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of Joe Rogan quote: Peter Joseph is asking the questions and proposing the possible solutions that we should be demanding from the elected leaders of this crazy world. 

 His brilliant analysis of this ridiculous system we're operating under is one of the most important voices for change in this generation.- black text on quotes background

Peter Joseph is asking the questions and proposing the possible solutions that we should be demanding from the elected leaders of this crazy world.

His brilliant analysis of this ridiculous system we're operating under is one of the most important voices for change in this generation.


Quote: It's been one of the most important tools for me in personal growth for understanding myself, how I am, and what effect I do have on other people. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

It's been one of the most important tools for me in personal growth for understanding myself, how I am, and what effect I do have on other people.




Quote: So instead of investing your time in a passion, you've sold your life to work for an uncaring machine that doesn't understand you. That's the problem with our society. And what's the reward? Go home and get a big TV. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

So instead of investing your time in a passion, you've sold your life to work for an uncaring machine that doesn't understand you. That's the problem with our society. And what's the reward? Go home and get a big TV.






Quote: I read the things that scientists have figured out, and apply what they say is beneficial, but at the end of the day I'm the wrong person to get unchallenged nutritional advice from. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

I read the things that scientists have figured out, and apply what they say is beneficial, but at the end of the day I'm the wrong person to get unchallenged nutritional advice from.




Quote: This country has a mental health problem disguised as a gun problem, and a tyranny problem disguised as a security problem. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

This country has a mental health problem disguised as a gun problem, and a tyranny problem disguised as a security problem.




Quote: There's a confidence and a mental toughness that comes from the very highest level of competition, whatever the sport is. Whether it's boxing or wrestling, or whatever. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

There's a confidence and a mental toughness that comes from the very highest level of competition, whatever the sport is. Whether it's boxing or wrestling, or whatever.


Quote: I prefer older people to college kids as audience for the most part. I want people with life experience, people that understand where I'm coming from. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

I prefer older people to college kids as audience for the most part. I want people with life experience, people that understand where I'm coming from.


Quote: If life wasn't real it would be the craziest psychedelic trip ever. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

If life wasn't real it would be the craziest psychedelic trip ever.


Quote: Sometimes faggot is the right word. There's a trend in this country to avoid words: We can't say that one anymore it's offensive. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Sometimes faggot is the right word. There's a trend in this country to avoid words: We can't say that one anymore it's offensive.


Quote: On my left knee I have a long scar from an ACL operation. I've had both knees reconstructed. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

On my left knee I have a long scar from an ACL operation. I've had both knees reconstructed.


Quote: When you're standing around for an hour doing stand up it's no big deal but when you're standing around watching a show for an hour -- it's a big difference. It's annoying -- your feet hurt, your back hurts -- it's just not the most comfortable way to see stand-up comedy. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of Joe Rogan quote; white text on black background

When you're standing around for an hour doing stand up it's no big deal but when you're standing around watching a show for an hour -- it's a big difference. It's annoying -- your feet hurt, your back hurts -- it's just not the most comfortable way to see stand-up comedy.


Quote: The people I know that have the hardest time keeping it together emotionally are people that don't workout. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

The people I know that have the hardest time keeping it together emotionally are people that don't workout.


Quote: A unicorn is a donkey from the future. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

A unicorn is a donkey from the future.


Quote: I did a lot of crazy gigs man. I hosted a Jack and Jill strip club in Woonsocket Rhode Island which is this tiny depressing fishing town, all Portuguese immigrants and it's just a humorless, dark town. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

I did a lot of crazy gigs man. I hosted a Jack and Jill strip club in Woonsocket Rhode Island which is this tiny depressing fishing town, all Portuguese immigrants and it's just a humorless, dark town.


Quote: One of the great things about Houston is that they police themselves. It's the way Boston was in the '80s. No hacks or thieves are tolerated in the community, and that's HUGE. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

One of the great things about Houston is that they police themselves. It's the way Boston was in the '80s. No hacks or thieves are tolerated in the community, and that's HUGE.


Quote: If I could, I would live in Houston, and I would encourage any comic starting out looking for a good place to develop to move there. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

If I could, I would live in Houston, and I would encourage any comic starting out looking for a good place to develop to move there.


Quote: Houston people are way cool. They're smart, they know how to have a good time, and they have the hottest chicks on the planet there. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Houston people are way cool. They're smart, they know how to have a good time, and they have the hottest chicks on the planet there.




Quote: There's a direct correlation between positive energy and positive results. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

There's a direct correlation between positive energy and positive results.


Quote: Apartment living is tough action. Just the whole idea that you share a washer and dryer always freaked me out. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Apartment living is tough action. Just the whole idea that you share a washer and dryer always freaked me out.


Quote: Have you ever talked to someone, and you're not even really talking to them? Actors are the worst for that. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Have you ever talked to someone, and you're not even really talking to them? Actors are the worst for that.


Quote: I really never had any ambitions to be a standup comic. I was talked into it by guys that I used to work out with. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

I really never had any ambitions to be a standup comic. I was talked into it by guys that I used to work out with.


Quote: Being a celebrity or anything else where you're really ambitious, it's really a game to see how successful you can get. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Being a celebrity or anything else where you're really ambitious, it's really a game to see how successful you can get.


Quote: It's painful for me to watch someone who isn't funny. It's horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

It's painful for me to watch someone who isn't funny. It's horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks.


Quote: People for the most part can smell lies. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

People for the most part can smell lies.


Quote: I see martial arts as moving forms of meditation. When you're sparring or drilling techniques, you can't think of anything else. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

I see martial arts as moving forms of meditation. When you're sparring or drilling techniques, you can't think of anything else.


Quote: If someone plays a brooding actor in a film, people think they're brooding all the time. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

If someone plays a brooding actor in a film, people think they're brooding all the time.


Quote: When you snatch little pieces of other people's lives and try to palm them off as your own, that's more disgusting than anything. Robin Williams is a huge thief. Denis Leary is a huge thief. His whole stand-up career is based on Bill Hicks, a brilliant guy who died years ago. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of Joe Rogan quote; white text on black background

When you snatch little pieces of other people's lives and try to palm them off as your own, that's more disgusting than anything. Robin Williams is a huge thief. Denis Leary is a huge thief. His whole stand-up career is based on Bill Hicks, a brilliant guy who died years ago.


Quote: I had seen movies before that that had made me laugh, but I had never seen anything even remotely close to as funny as Richard Pryor was, just standing there talking. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

I had seen movies before that that had made me laugh, but I had never seen anything even remotely close to as funny as Richard Pryor was, just standing there talking.


Quote: That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.




Quote: Reality really is theater. There's no other way to describe it. It's all so nonsensical, ridiculous and chaotic. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Reality really is theater. There's no other way to describe it. It's all so nonsensical, ridiculous and chaotic.


Quote: The planet's spinning a thousand miles an hour around this gigantic nuclear explosion while these people roll these machines with rubber tires over this hard surface that we've laid down over the planet so that we can easily move ourselves back and forth. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

The planet's spinning a thousand miles an hour around this gigantic nuclear explosion while these people roll these machines with rubber tires over this hard surface that we've laid down over the planet so that we can easily move ourselves back and forth.


Quote: I talk so much about sex that girls just want to meet me. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

I talk so much about sex that girls just want to meet me.




Quote: Faith itself is a horrible mechanism that stunts the growth of ideas. It also stunts the act of questioning, and it does this by pushing the idea that you have to have faith -- and that nothing has to be proven. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Faith itself is a horrible mechanism that stunts the growth of ideas. It also stunts the act of questioning, and it does this by pushing the idea that you have to have faith -- and that nothing has to be proven.


Quote: The only time I commit to conspiracy theories is when something way retarded happens. Like Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

The only time I commit to conspiracy theories is when something way retarded happens. Like Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone.


Quote: The audience changes every night. You're the same person. You have to speak your mind and do the stuff that you think is funny and makes you laugh. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

The audience changes every night. You're the same person. You have to speak your mind and do the stuff that you think is funny and makes you laugh.


Quote: When someone comes along and expresses him or herself as freely as they think, people flock to it. They enjoy it. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

When someone comes along and expresses him or herself as freely as they think, people flock to it. They enjoy it.


Quote: If you can lie, you can act, and if you can lie to crazy girlfriends, you can act under pressure. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

If you can lie, you can act, and if you can lie to crazy girlfriends, you can act under pressure.


Quote: Stand-up is still my favorite, but the podcast is a close second. It's so fun, and it's given me the opportunity to have three-hour conversations with people I wouldn't have otherwise been able to talk to. When I talked to Maynard Keenan from Tool, I almost couldn't believe it was happening. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of Joe Rogan quote: Stand-up is still my favorite, but the podcast is a close second. It's so fun, and it's given me the opportunity to have three-hour conversations with people I wouldn't have otherwise been able to talk to. When I talked to Maynard Keenan from Tool, I almost couldn't believe it was happening.- black text on quotes background

Stand-up is still my favorite, but the podcast is a close second. It's so fun, and it's given me the opportunity to have three-hour conversations with people I wouldn't have otherwise been able to talk to. When I talked to Maynard Keenan from Tool, I almost couldn't believe it was happening.


Quote: The comics I hate are thieves. Nothing's more disgusting than a guy who steals another person's ideas and tries to claim them as his own. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

The comics I hate are thieves. Nothing's more disgusting than a guy who steals another person's ideas and tries to claim them as his own.


Quote: Never stay in a bad marriage, and don't hang around with psycho coke fiends. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Never stay in a bad marriage, and don't hang around with psycho coke fiends.


Quote: If you are the greatest, why would you go around talking about it? by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

If you are the greatest, why would you go around talking about it?


Quote: Because I have a girlfriend, I try and take the straight and narrow path, which is good because it prevents VD. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Because I have a girlfriend, I try and take the straight and narrow path, which is good because it prevents VD.


Quote: Phil Hartman was brilliant, and Dave Foley is a really funny guy. Phil Hartman was actually even funnier offstage than he was onstage because he would say nasty things. Dave Foley's very funny, very witty guy, very quick. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Phil Hartman was brilliant, and Dave Foley is a really funny guy. Phil Hartman was actually even funnier offstage than he was onstage because he would say nasty things. Dave Foley's very funny, very witty guy, very quick.


Quote: I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a sports commentator. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a sports commentator.


Quote: I've been involved in mixed martial arts since 1997 when I first started working for the UFC. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

I've been involved in mixed martial arts since 1997 when I first started working for the UFC.


Quote: I had a sense of who I was before I got famous. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

I had a sense of who I was before I got famous.


Quote: I really feel like it's a travesty to make a child famous. I really do. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

I really feel like it's a travesty to make a child famous. I really do.


Quote: To me, comedy is a great occupation because I don't really worry that much about what other people think of me. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

To me, comedy is a great occupation because I don't really worry that much about what other people think of me.


Quote: The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don't know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don't know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time.


Quote: The Comedy Store in LA, it's a really loose room and it's really dark and creepy and a great place to explore your own thoughts onstage. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

The Comedy Store in LA, it's a really loose room and it's really dark and creepy and a great place to explore your own thoughts onstage.


Quote: Richard Pryor is, in my mind, the most honest comedian. He bared his soul to people. I think that's why everybody loved him so much. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Richard Pryor is, in my mind, the most honest comedian. He bared his soul to people. I think that's why everybody loved him so much.


Quote: My act is so completely and totally uncensored that the only way I could really pull it off is if I treat the audience like they're my best friends. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

My act is so completely and totally uncensored that the only way I could really pull it off is if I treat the audience like they're my best friends.


Quote: It never hurt Lenny Bruce's career to get arrested for swearing. It did back in the time, but he broke those doors down by doing the stuff that he believed in. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

It never hurt Lenny Bruce's career to get arrested for swearing. It did back in the time, but he broke those doors down by doing the stuff that he believed in.


Quote: I'm a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generation, and Groucho is certainly one of them. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

I'm a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generation, and Groucho is certainly one of them.


Quote: I had a great time on News Radio, I got to make tons of money in relative obscurity and learn a lot about the TV biz and work on my standup act constantly. It was a dream gig. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

I had a great time on News Radio, I got to make tons of money in relative obscurity and learn a lot about the TV biz and work on my standup act constantly. It was a dream gig.


Quote: Dick Gregory was a great comedian who went and got arrested, did hunger strikes, protests. It never hurt his career to be outspoken. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Dick Gregory was a great comedian who went and got arrested, did hunger strikes, protests. It never hurt his career to be outspoken.


Quote: Comedy is really not like any other art form in that it's very specialized and varied in it's content, but generic in it's title. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Comedy is really not like any other art form in that it's very specialized and varied in it's content, but generic in it's title.


Quote: After this whole acting thing is over and done, you eventually have to be human. Some people are never human. It's very weird. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

After this whole acting thing is over and done, you eventually have to be human. Some people are never human. It's very weird.


Quote: I do cagefight commentary in my spare time. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

I do cagefight commentary in my spare time.


Quote: Although not considered a martial art, boxing is really a martial art. It's a very limited martial art as long as you agree to just box... but in an actual physical fight against someone who's just a wrestler, you're going to get killed. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Although not considered a martial art, boxing is really a martial art. It's a very limited martial art as long as you agree to just box... but in an actual physical fight against someone who's just a wrestler, you're going to get killed.


Quote: I've done jiujitsu a huge chunk of my life, and I try to spend a lot of time educating people on the nuances, the subtleness of the ground game. It's a big part of mixed martial arts. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

I've done jiujitsu a huge chunk of my life, and I try to spend a lot of time educating people on the nuances, the subtleness of the ground game. It's a big part of mixed martial arts.


Quote: Your body's really only meant to compete at the highest levels of combat sports for a few years. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Your body's really only meant to compete at the highest levels of combat sports for a few years.


Quote: I'm afraid of heights. Not unreasonably, but rationally afraid of heights. I think everyone is. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

I'm afraid of heights. Not unreasonably, but rationally afraid of heights. I think everyone is.


Quote: Any comic like myself owes everything he has to Lenny Bruce. He was the originator. The godfather of uncensored American stand-up is clearly Lenny Bruce. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Any comic like myself owes everything he has to Lenny Bruce. He was the originator. The godfather of uncensored American stand-up is clearly Lenny Bruce.


Quote: I don't care if you're gay, black, Chinese, straight. That means nothing to me. It's all an illusion. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

I don't care if you're gay, black, Chinese, straight. That means nothing to me. It's all an illusion.


Quote: People want their 15 minutes and are willing to do anything to get it. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

People want their 15 minutes and are willing to do anything to get it.


Quote: The two things I understand best are stand-up comedy and martial arts. And those things require an ultimate grasp of the truth. You have to be objective about your skills and abilities to compete in both. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

The two things I understand best are stand-up comedy and martial arts. And those things require an ultimate grasp of the truth. You have to be objective about your skills and abilities to compete in both.


Quote: What's interesting about science is that we're constantly discovering new things about the universe, about ourselves, about our bodies, about diseases, about the possibilities of the future. It's amazing. Science is one of the coolest things about being a human being -- without a doubt. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of Joe Rogan quote: What's interesting about science is that we're constantly discovering new things about the universe, about ourselves, about our bodies, about diseases, about the possibilities of the future. It's amazing. Science is one of the coolest things about being a human being -- without a doubt.- black text on quotes background

What's interesting about science is that we're constantly discovering new things about the universe, about ourselves, about our bodies, about diseases, about the possibilities of the future. It's amazing. Science is one of the coolest things about being a human being -- without a doubt.




Quote: Be the hero of your own story. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Be the hero of your own story.


Quote: Live your life like you're the hero in your movie. by author Joe Rogan overlaid on photo of photo of author Joe Rogan with quote

Live your life like you're the hero in your movie.


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