There's tons of people that spend a lot time watching their well being, they have not acquired time to take pleasure in it.

Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or else there will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundland.

True wisdom is plenty of experience, observation, and reflection. False wisdom is plenty of ignorance, arrogance, and impudence.

There's lots of people in this world who spend so much time watching their health that they haven't the time to enjoy it.

Jealousy is one of love's parasites.

Satire that is seasonable and just is often more effectual than law or gospel.

Many people are hunting after uncommon sense, but they never find it a good deal. Uncommon sense is of the nature of genius, and all genius is the gift of God and can't be had, like hens' eggs, for the hunting.

Misanthropy don't pay -- there ain't no man living whose hate the world cares one cuss for.

Too many individuals are like Shakespeare's definition of echo, -- babbling gossips of the air.

Early genius, like early cabbage, does not head well.

Wise men have but few confidants, and cunning ones none.

Beauty is a very handy thing to have, especially for a woman who ain't handsome.

Human happiness konsists in having what yu want, and wanting what yu have.

When a man makes up his mind to become a rascal, he should examine himself closely and see if he isn't better constructed for a fool.

I've never known an auctioneer to lie unless it was absolutely necessary.

You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

It's not what we don't know that prevents us from succeeding; it's what we know that just ain't so that is our greatest obstacle.

There never yet was a mother who taught her child to be an infidel.

Pedigrees seldom improve by age; the grandson is too often a weak infringement on the grandsire's parent.

The great art of writing is knowing when to stop.