When I want to go to sleep, I must first get a whole menagerie of voices to shut up. You wouldn't believe what a racket they make in my room.

Psychoanalysts are father confessors who like to listen to the sins of the father as well.

Democracy means the opportunity to be everyone's slave.

Nationalism is the love which ties me to the blockheads of my country, to the insultors of my way of life, and to the desecrators of my language.

Where do I find the time for not reading so many books?

You would be surprised how hard it often is to translate an action into thought.

A snob is unreliable. The work he praises might just be good.

Someone who can write aphorisms should not fritter away his time in essays.

Cosmetics is the science of a woman's cosmos.

Nowadays the thief cannot be distinguished from his victim. Neither has any valuable objects on him.

A plagiarist should be made to copy the author a hundred times.

A school without grades must have been concocted by someone who was drunk on non-alcoholic wine.

Technology is a servant who makes so much noise cleaning up in the next room that his master cannot make music.

A comprehensive education is a well-stocked pharmacy: but we have no assurance that potassium cyanide will not be administered fora head cold.

If children had been told that they could not blow their noses, this alone would make adults blush.

Not greeting people isn't enough. One also doesn't greet people one doesn't know.

A healthy man is content with a woman. An erotic man is content with a stocking to get to a woman. A sick man is content with thestocking.

It is a mystery to me how a theologian can be praised for having brought himself to disbelieve dogmas. I've always thought that those who have brought themselves to believe in dogmas merit the true recognition owing a heroic deed.

Matrimony is the union of meanness and martyrdom.

Family life is an encroachment on private life.