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Quotes by Lenny Bruce

Welcome to our collection of quotes by Lenny Bruce. We hope you enjoy pondering them and please share widely.

Wikipedia Summary for Lenny Bruce

Leonard Alfred Schneider (October 13, 1925 – August 3, 1966), known professionally as Lenny Bruce, was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, and satirist. He was renowned for his open, freestyle and critical form of comedy which contained satire, politics, religion, sex, and vulgarity. His 1964 conviction in an obscenity trial was followed by a posthumous pardon, the first in the history of New York State, by Governor George Pataki in 2003.

Bruce paved the way for counterculture era comedians. His trial for obscenity is seen as a landmark for freedom of speech in the United States. In 2017, Rolling Stone magazine ranked him third (behind Richard Pryor and George Carlin) on its list of the 50 best stand-up comics of all time.

Quote: Anyone who has two shirts when someone has none is not a christian. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

Anyone who has two shirts when someone has none is not a christian.


Quote: In the halls of justice, the only justice is in the halls. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

In the halls of justice, the only justice is in the halls.


Quote: Certain things are complete superstition and have no validity at all in the Bible. Yeah. They're just the antithesis of everything that is correct intellectually. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

Certain things are complete superstition and have no validity at all in the Bible. Yeah. They're just the antithesis of everything that is correct intellectually.


Quote: I'm sure that half the buzz from smoking grass was the fact that it was so illegal. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

I'm sure that half the buzz from smoking grass was the fact that it was so illegal.


Quote: I'm not a comedian. I'm Lenny Bruce. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

I'm not a comedian. I'm Lenny Bruce.




Quote: When you're eight years old, nothing is any of your business. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

When you're eight years old, nothing is any of your business.


Quote: Once you sleep on feathers you can't go back to sleeping on the floor. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

Once you sleep on feathers you can't go back to sleeping on the floor.


Quote: You can't do anything with anybody's body to make it dirty to me. Six people, eight people, one person -- you can do only one thing to make it dirty: kill it. Hiroshima was dirty. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

You can't do anything with anybody's body to make it dirty to me. Six people, eight people, one person -- you can do only one thing to make it dirty: kill it. Hiroshima was dirty.


Quote: Anyone who does anything for pleasure to indulge his selfish soul will surely burn in Hell. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

Anyone who does anything for pleasure to indulge his selfish soul will surely burn in Hell.


Quote: I would be with a bunch of Kennedy fans watching the debate, and their comment would be, 'He's really slaughtering Nixon.' Then we would all go to another apartment, and the Nixon fans would say, 'How do you like the shellacking he gave Kennedy?' by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

I would be with a bunch of Kennedy fans watching the debate, and their comment would be, 'He's really slaughtering Nixon.' Then we would all go to another apartment, and the Nixon fans would say, 'How do you like the shellacking he gave Kennedy?'


Quote: Communism is just one big telephone company. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

Communism is just one big telephone company.


Quote: Every tribe needs a good front man to sell the program. Who better to convince the Middle East to give up the oil, than a brown man with a Muslim name? by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

Every tribe needs a good front man to sell the program. Who better to convince the Middle East to give up the oil, than a brown man with a Muslim name?


Quote: I would become a priest or a rabbi or a monk or whatever the hell was necessary to perform miracles such as taking money from someone else's pocket and putting it into mine, still remaining within the confines of the law. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

I would become a priest or a rabbi or a monk or whatever the hell was necessary to perform miracles such as taking money from someone else's pocket and putting it into mine, still remaining within the confines of the law.


Quote: Satire is tragedy plus time. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

Satire is tragedy plus time.


Quote: You got to pay your dues to get the joke. Besides, laughter is cheap and very portable. If there's a pogrom, or they're blaming you for the plague, nothing is easier to pack than a sense of humor. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

You got to pay your dues to get the joke. Besides, laughter is cheap and very portable. If there's a pogrom, or they're blaming you for the plague, nothing is easier to pack than a sense of humor.


Quote: I guess what happens is, if you get arrested in Town A (Philadelphia) and then Town B (San Francisco)-with a lot of publicity-then when you get to Town C they have to arrest you or what kind of shithouse town are they running?

It's a pattern of unintentional harassment. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of Lenny Bruce quote; white text on black background

I guess what happens is, if you get arrested in Town A (Philadelphia) and then Town B (San Francisco)-with a lot of publicity-then when you get to Town C they have to arrest you or what kind of shithouse town are they running?

It's a pattern of unintentional harassment.


Quote: I want to perform an unnatural act. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

I want to perform an unnatural act.


Quote: If there was absolute freedom, people would run over babies and charge admission. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

If there was absolute freedom, people would run over babies and charge admission.




Quote: I wanted out of the navy so bad in '45, I faked homo to get a discharge. It didn't matter that the Germans surrendered, I knew we were heading to Japan and I was done with that scene. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

I wanted out of the navy so bad in '45, I faked homo to get a discharge. It didn't matter that the Germans surrendered, I knew we were heading to Japan and I was done with that scene.


Quote: Every group needs a comedian. A comic who is politically incorrect at the Berkeley campus might slay them at a Klan rally. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

Every group needs a comedian. A comic who is politically incorrect at the Berkeley campus might slay them at a Klan rally.


Quote: Once the country was settled and built, the bosses changed the order from a stack of educated workers to a barrel of minimum wage lottery dreamers. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

Once the country was settled and built, the bosses changed the order from a stack of educated workers to a barrel of minimum wage lottery dreamers.


Quote: You put a guy on a desert island, he'll do it to mud, a chicken, a barrel, anything, a knothole. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

You put a guy on a desert island, he'll do it to mud, a chicken, a barrel, anything, a knothole.


Quote: I've been accused of bad taste, and I'll go down to my grave accused of it and always by the same people, the ones who eat in restaurants that reserve the right to refuse service to anyone. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

I've been accused of bad taste, and I'll go down to my grave accused of it and always by the same people, the ones who eat in restaurants that reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.


Quote: I am influenced by every second of my waking hour. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

I am influenced by every second of my waking hour.


Quote: Today, I give my daughter what I really didn't have as a kid: all the silly, dumb, extravagant, frilly, nonfunctional toys I can force on her. She probably wants an encyclopedia. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

Today, I give my daughter what I really didn't have as a kid: all the silly, dumb, extravagant, frilly, nonfunctional toys I can force on her. She probably wants an encyclopedia.


Quote: The American Constitution was not written to protect criminals; it was written to protect the government from becoming criminals. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

The American Constitution was not written to protect criminals; it was written to protect the government from becoming criminals.


Quote: If I get busted in New York, the freest city in the world, that will be the end of my career. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

If I get busted in New York, the freest city in the world, that will be the end of my career.


Quote: You know there's no crooked politicians. There's never a lie because there is never any truth. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

You know there's no crooked politicians. There's never a lie because there is never any truth.


Quote: I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write songs like, What I'm going to do if I grow up. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write songs like, What I'm going to do if I grow up.


Quote: You got a million drug laws now because the bosses figured there was more money in putting people in jail than taxing something anyone can grow on a window sill. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

You got a million drug laws now because the bosses figured there was more money in putting people in jail than taxing something anyone can grow on a window sill.


Quote: Once you take away the struggle for food, clothing and shelter, work is the one four letter word that offends everyone. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

Once you take away the struggle for food, clothing and shelter, work is the one four letter word that offends everyone.


Quote: Life is a four-letter word. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

Life is a four-letter word.


Quote: I was a Jew talking about Goyim religion. If I had just stuck to Moses, everything would have been cool. But, copping to being part of the whole Christ murder conspiracy got everyone goose-stepping again. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

I was a Jew talking about Goyim religion. If I had just stuck to Moses, everything would have been cool. But, copping to being part of the whole Christ murder conspiracy got everyone goose-stepping again.


Quote: I think it's about time we gave up religion and got back to God. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

I think it's about time we gave up religion and got back to God.


Quote: If you believe there is a God, a God that made your body, and yet you think that you can do anything with that body that's dirty, then the fault lies with the manufacturer. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

If you believe there is a God, a God that made your body, and yet you think that you can do anything with that body that's dirty, then the fault lies with the manufacturer.


Quote: Let me tell you the truth: The truth is what is. And what should be is a fantasy  a terrible, terrible lie that someone gave the people long ago. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

Let me tell you the truth: The truth is what is. And what should be is a fantasy a terrible, terrible lie that someone gave the people long ago.


Quote: Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

Marijuana will be legal some day, because the many law students who now smoke pot will someday become congressmen and legalize it in order to protect themselves.


Quote: Never tell. Not if you love your wife...In fact, if your old lady walks in on you deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay On Top Of Me Or I'll Die.'  I didn't know what I was goin' to do. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of Lenny Bruce quote; white text on black background

Never tell. Not if you love your wife...In fact, if your old lady walks in on you deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay On Top Of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was goin' to do.


Quote: Never trust a preacher with more than two suits. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

Never trust a preacher with more than two suits.


Quote: I've talked to biblical cats, and Neanderthals who been here since day one. No one here has even seen the Big Boss. Ever. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

I've talked to biblical cats, and Neanderthals who been here since day one. No one here has even seen the Big Boss. Ever.


Quote: (On his addiction to opiods): I'll die young, but it's like kissing God. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

(On his addiction to opiods): I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.


Quote: What you end up with is outrageousness without the laugh -- comedy as electro shock therapy. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

What you end up with is outrageousness without the laugh -- comedy as electro shock therapy.


Quote: The reason I'm in this business, I assume all performers are -- it's Look at me, Ma! It's acceptance, you know -- Look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma. And if your mother watches, you'll show off till you're exhausted; but if your mother goes, Ptshew! by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

The reason I'm in this business, I assume all performers are -- it's Look at me, Ma! It's acceptance, you know -- Look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma. And if your mother watches, you'll show off till you're exhausted; but if your mother goes, Ptshew!


Quote: Part of the kick of making people laugh was doing something different. We were a rare breed -- spotting one of us was like pinning a space alien, or abdominal snowman. There were maybe a hundred stand-ups in the whole country when I was doing it. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

Part of the kick of making people laugh was doing something different. We were a rare breed -- spotting one of us was like pinning a space alien, or abdominal snowman. There were maybe a hundred stand-ups in the whole country when I was doing it.


Quote: Every group, every system has a set of values and morals and when you get outside those, then the alarms ring. I was politically incorrect to 95% of the country; luckily my 5% had the bread to come see me. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

Every group, every system has a set of values and morals and when you get outside those, then the alarms ring. I was politically incorrect to 95% of the country; luckily my 5% had the bread to come see me.


Quote: There's a lot of money in wars, except in the war on poverty. Can't make any bread helping the poor. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

There's a lot of money in wars, except in the war on poverty. Can't make any bread helping the poor.


Quote: Trying to figure things out was my gig. Without the human condition, there's no struggle, no pain and that means no laughter. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

Trying to figure things out was my gig. Without the human condition, there's no struggle, no pain and that means no laughter.


Quote: All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.


Quote: Wouldn't it be nice if all the people who are lonesome could live in one big dormitory, sleep in beds next to each other, talk, laugh, and keep the lights on as long as they want to? by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

Wouldn't it be nice if all the people who are lonesome could live in one big dormitory, sleep in beds next to each other, talk, laugh, and keep the lights on as long as they want to?


Quote: I don't smoke pot, and I'm glad because then I can champion it without special pleading. The reason I don't smoke it is because it facilitates ideas and heightens sensations-and I've got enough shit flying through my head without smoking pot. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

I don't smoke pot, and I'm glad because then I can champion it without special pleading. The reason I don't smoke it is because it facilitates ideas and heightens sensations-and I've got enough shit flying through my head without smoking pot.










Quote: I was not born in a vacuum. Every thought I have belongs to someone else. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

I was not born in a vacuum. Every thought I have belongs to someone else.


Quote: With overpopulation, human misery, and the threat of war increasing, we need rather more adult performances from society. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

With overpopulation, human misery, and the threat of war increasing, we need rather more adult performances from society.




Quote: I credit the motion picture industry as the strongest environmental factor in molding the children of my day. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

I credit the motion picture industry as the strongest environmental factor in molding the children of my day.


Quote: My only challenge was to tell my truth, man... figure out what I had to say. These days, it's not enough to boost that roomful of strangers. The young comic spends all their time trying to sound different from the million other jokesters grabbing for the mic. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

My only challenge was to tell my truth, man... figure out what I had to say. These days, it's not enough to boost that roomful of strangers. The young comic spends all their time trying to sound different from the million other jokesters grabbing for the mic.


Quote: Faith is to the human what sand is to the ostrich. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

Faith is to the human what sand is to the ostrich.


Quote: Marijuana is rejected all over the world. Damned. In England heroin is alright for out-patents, but marijuana? They'll put your ass in jail. I wonder why that is? The only reason could be: To Serve the Devil -- Pleasure! Pleasure, which is a dirty word in Christian culture. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of Lenny Bruce quote; white text on black background

Marijuana is rejected all over the world. Damned. In England heroin is alright for out-patents, but marijuana? They'll put your ass in jail. I wonder why that is? The only reason could be: To Serve the Devil -- Pleasure! Pleasure, which is a dirty word in Christian culture.


Quote: Now, if the bedroom is dirty to you, then you are a true atheist, because if you have any of the mores, superstitions, if anyone in this audience believes that God made his body, and you body is dirty, the fault lies with the manufacturer. It's that cold, Jim, yeah. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of Lenny Bruce quote; white text on black background

Now, if the bedroom is dirty to you, then you are a true atheist, because if you have any of the mores, superstitions, if anyone in this audience believes that God made his body, and you body is dirty, the fault lies with the manufacturer. It's that cold, Jim, yeah.


Quote: Sex and obscenity are not synonymous. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

Sex and obscenity are not synonymous.


Quote: To say whatever nonsense comes into your head without any repercussions has got to be a bigger high than heckling a movie screen in a darkened theater. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

To say whatever nonsense comes into your head without any repercussions has got to be a bigger high than heckling a movie screen in a darkened theater.


Quote: When earth gets good and crowded, like 15th century England, then some new Pilgrims are gonna rocket their Mayflowers to a new solar system. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

When earth gets good and crowded, like 15th century England, then some new Pilgrims are gonna rocket their Mayflowers to a new solar system.


Quote: It's the suppression of the word that gives it the power, the violence, the viciousness. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

It's the suppression of the word that gives it the power, the violence, the viciousness.


Quote: That's where the conflict starts. We all want for a wife a combination Sunday school teacher and a $500-a-night hooker. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

That's where the conflict starts. We all want for a wife a combination Sunday school teacher and a $500-a-night hooker.




Quote: Freedom of speech is a two way street, man. You have the right to say whatever you want and the Boss has a right to tell the police to arrest you. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

Freedom of speech is a two way street, man. You have the right to say whatever you want and the Boss has a right to tell the police to arrest you.




Quote: The crooks downtown figured out that comedy is like a hammer. It can put up a barn and it can knock down a wall. So they bought it outright and marketed it as Comedy Central. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

The crooks downtown figured out that comedy is like a hammer. It can put up a barn and it can knock down a wall. So they bought it outright and marketed it as Comedy Central.


Quote: There is nothing sadder than an aging hipster. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

There is nothing sadder than an aging hipster.


Quote: I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like What I'm Going to be If I Grow Up. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like What I'm Going to be If I Grow Up.


Quote: I know what custody of the children means. Get even. That's all custody means. Get even with your old lady. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

I know what custody of the children means. Get even. That's all custody means. Get even with your old lady.


Quote: There are no dirty words, only dirty minds. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

There are no dirty words, only dirty minds.


Quote: The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it.


Quote: My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found me in bed with her. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found me in bed with her.


Quote: The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it...try to fake three laughs in an hour -- ha ha ha ha ha -- they'll take you away, man. You can't. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it...try to fake three laughs in an hour -- ha ha ha ha ha -- they'll take you away, man. You can't.


Quote: Today's comedian has a cross to bear that he built himself. A comedian of the older generation did an act and he told the audience, This is my act. Today's comic is not doing an act. The audience assumes he's telling the truth. What is truth today may be a damn lie next week. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of Lenny Bruce quote; white text on black background

Today's comedian has a cross to bear that he built himself. A comedian of the older generation did an act and he told the audience, This is my act. Today's comic is not doing an act. The audience assumes he's telling the truth. What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.




Quote: Even if you are Catholic, if you live in New York you're Jewish. If you live in Butte, Montana, you are going to be goyish even if you are Jewish. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

Even if you are Catholic, if you live in New York you're Jewish. If you live in Butte, Montana, you are going to be goyish even if you are Jewish.






Quote: I tried the religion scam in Miami, so I know how hard that gig is. But, if you can get it to work, starting your own religion is a license to print money. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

I tried the religion scam in Miami, so I know how hard that gig is. But, if you can get it to work, starting your own religion is a license to print money.


Quote: Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

Guys are like dogs. They keep comin' back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time, they're gone.


Quote: The what should be never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no what should be, there is only what is. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

The what should be never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no what should be, there is only what is.


Quote: I don't have an act. I just talk. I'm just Lenny Bruce. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

I don't have an act. I just talk. I'm just Lenny Bruce.


Quote: I'm not a comedian. And I'm not sick. The world is sick, and I'm the doctor. I'm a surgeon with a scalpel for false values. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

I'm not a comedian. And I'm not sick. The world is sick, and I'm the doctor. I'm a surgeon with a scalpel for false values.


Quote: I don't read enough books, so I guess I'm pretty shallow. I'm a lot into the physical. With me, first attraction is never intellectual. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

I don't read enough books, so I guess I'm pretty shallow. I'm a lot into the physical. With me, first attraction is never intellectual.


Quote: If God made the body, and the body is dirty, then the fault lies with the manufacturer. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

If God made the body, and the body is dirty, then the fault lies with the manufacturer.


Quote: I'll die young, but it's like kissing God. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

I'll die young, but it's like kissing God.


Quote: When you're eight years old nothing is your business. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

When you're eight years old nothing is your business.


Quote: Miami Beach is where neon goes to die. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.


Quote: All my humor is based on destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing in the bread line -- right in back of J. Edgar Hoover. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

All my humor is based on destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing in the bread line -- right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.


Quote: If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone.


Quote: If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.


Quote: A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.


Quote: I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up.


Quote: The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour -- ha ha ha ha ha -- they'll take you away, man. You can't. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour -- ha ha ha ha ha -- they'll take you away, man. You can't.


Quote: The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.


Quote: Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.


Quote: The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.


Quote: There are never enough I Love You's. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of brown sand beach during daytime

There are never enough I Love You's.


Quote: Communism is like one big phone company. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

Communism is like one big phone company.


Quote: In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.


Quote: The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them.


Quote: Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.


Quote: The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is.


Quote: I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do. by author Lenny Bruce overlaid on photo of photo of author Lenny Bruce with quote

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.


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