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Funny Quotes by Comedian Mitch Hedberg

Welcome to our collection of quotes (with shareable picture quotes) by Mitch Hedberg. We hope you enjoy them and please share widely.

Wikipedia Summary for Mitch Hedberg

Mitchell Lee Hedberg (February 24, 1968 – March 29, 2005) was an American stand-up comedian known for his surreal humor and deadpan delivery. His comedy typically featured short, sometimes one-line jokes mixed with absurd elements and non sequiturs.

Hedberg's comedy and onstage persona gained him a cult following, with audience members sometimes shouting out the punchlines to his jokes before he could finish them. Hedberg died of a drug overdose in 2005; a heart defect may have contributed to his death.
















































Longer Version:

I got an ant farm. Them fellas didn't grow anything. Hey, how about some celery? Plus, if I tore your legs off, you would look like snowmen.


































































































Longer Version:

I know people who believe in ghosts but don't believe in themselves. It's kind of sad. Okay you don't think you'll ever make it as a musician, but last night you saw a translucent caveman.




















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