I don't know anything about politics. I wouldn't put too much into my prediction on politics.

All that weak people learn from disappointment, is less confidence in future enterprise.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

When you begin to excuse your faults, you are then beginning to respect them.

Stand-up has the best writers, because it's the hardest writing by a million miles.

There are two things at which most men are grieved: when their faults are exposed, and when their virtues are concealed.

Most men will go farther to give advice than to follow their own opinion.

We rate ability in men by what they finish, not by what they attempt.

I have a little bit of an out-of-body experience where I enjoy the scenario, and I really do like seeing a crowd turn into a mob, and I do nothing to stop it. People can become really dangerous.

I like to do talk show appearances where I get to just be myself, and I do stand-up where I can completely be myself. That's what I've always loved the most, of anything.

I love writing -- it's the best. But I really hate collaboration.

In math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That's what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn't have a stupid opinion about it.

All my life's about is cracking up people and them cracking me up and trying not to think about dying. That doesn't cost very much money.

Few are more unhappy than those who have great ambition, but little energy to urge it into activity.

The soul is never perfectly secure from the influence of passion; the occasional tranquility she seems to enjoy, is rather relaxation than imperturbable triumph.

Enjoyment inflames love in some men, and extinguishes it in others: the wind that assists large vessels, upsets small ones.

It is better to be idle than employed in ill.

True modesty conceals whatever is offensive to decency; false modesty, that which is disagreeable to fashion: the one is silent and natural, the other protrusive and impertinent.

Never raise expectations in others that you cannot realize: promise is less pleasing than disappointment is vexatious.

Reason is always weak where prejudice is strong.