Title Image - Quotes by Author Ogden Nash

Welcome to our collection of quotes by Ogden Nash. We hope you enjoy pondering them and please share widely.

Wikipedia Summary for Ogden Nash

Frederic Ogden Nash (August 19, 1902 – May 19, 1971) was an American poet well known for his light verse, of which he wrote over 500 pieces. With his unconventional rhyming schemes, he was declared the country's best-known producer of humorous poetry.

photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

I think that I shall never see<br />
A billboard lovely as a tree.<br />
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,<br />
I'll never see a tree at all.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Women would rather be right than reasonable.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

When I jog I joggle.

--Ogden Nash

photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny -- Did you ever try buying them without money?

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Merry Christmas, nearly everybody!

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

People can't concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces properly if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Senescence begins
And middle-age ends
The day your descendants
Outnumber your friends.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

One rule which woe betides the banker who fails to heed it Never lend any money to anybody unless they don't need it.

--Ogden Nash

photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Wind is caused by the trees waving their branches.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

They take the paper and they read the headlines. So they've heard of unemployment and they've heard of bread-lines. And they philanthropically cure them all by getting up a costume charity ball.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

The highest form of wisdom is to get drunk and go to pieces. The highest form of wisdom is to get drunk and go to pieces. Candy is dandy But liquor is quicker.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Where there is a monster, there is a miracle.

--Ogden Nash

photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

How easy for those who do not bulge to not overindulge!

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

A bird in the open never looks Like its picture in the birdie books -- Or if it once did, it has changed its plumage, And plunges you back into ignorant gloomage.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

I was born a jackdaw; why should I try to be an owl?

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Why did the Lord give use so much quickness unless it was to avoid responsibility?

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

I am a conscientious man, when I throw rocks at seabirds I leave no tern unstoned.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

He without benefit of scruples -- His fun and money soon quadruples.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

The Pig, if I am not mistaken,
Supplies us sausage, ham, and Bacon.
Let others say his heart is big,
I think it stupid of the Pig.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

The further through life I drift the more obvious it becomes that I am lacking in thrift.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

I don't care how unkind the things people say about me so long as they don't say them to my face.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

I could not eat a kangaroo. But many fine Australians do. Those with cookbooks as well as boomerangs Prefer him in tasty kangaroo-meringues.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

And one of his partners asked Has he vertigo? and the other glanced out and down and said Oh no, only about ten feet more.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Some pains are physical, and some pains are mental, but the one that's both is dental.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

There once was an umpire whose vision Was cause for abuse and derision He remarked in surprise, 'Why pick on my eyes? It's my heart that dictates my decision.'

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

I'm like a backward berry, Unripened on the vine, For all my friends are fifty, And I'm only forty-nine.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

The camel has a single hump, The dromedary, two; Or else the other way around; I'm never sure. Are you?

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Celery, raw,
Develops the jaw.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Time is so old and love so brief, love is pure gold and time a thief. We're late, darling, we're late, The curtain descends, everything ends, too soon, too soon.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

There is something about a martini, Ere the dining and dancing begin, And to tell you the truth, It is not the vermouth- I think that perhaps it's the gin.

--Ogden Nash

photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

At another year I would not boggle Except that when I jog I joggle.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

If some confectioners were willing
To let the shape announce the filling,
We'd encounter fewer assorted chocs,
Bitten into and returned to the box.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Then here's to the heartening wassail, Wherever good fellows are found; Be its master instead of its vassal, and order the glasses around.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

To Tom Carlson or his dog-depending on whose taste it best suits.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

The only way I can distinguish proper from improper fractions is by their actions.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Bankers are just like anybody else, only richer.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

And you stagger down to break your fast. Greasy bacon and lacquered eggs And coffee composed of frigid dregs.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

When a lady's erotic life is vexed God knows what God is coming next.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Snow is all right while it is snowing; it is like inebriation because it is very pleasing when it is coming, but very unpleasing when it is going.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

A lady wants to be dressed exactly like everybody else but she gets pretty up- set if she sees anybody else dressed exactly like her.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Authors of all races, be they Greeks, Romans, Teutons, or Celts, Can't seem just to say anything is the thing it is but have to go out of their way to say that it is like something else.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Middle-aged life is merry, and I love to lead it.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, were it not for making living, which is rather a nouciance.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Parsley is gharsley.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

If called by a panther, don't anther.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

When I ponder my mind I consistently find It is glued On food.

--Ogden Nash

photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

The oboe's a horn made of wood.
I'd play you a tune if I could,
But the reeds are a pain,
And the fingering's insane.
It's the ill wind that no one blows good.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

One bliss for which There is no match Is when you itch To up and scratch.

--Ogden Nash

photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

An occasional lucky guess as to what makes a wife tick is the best a man can hope for, Even then, no sooner has he learned how to cope with the tick than she tocks.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

O thrice unhappy home Whose master doesn't know the difference between a watt and an ohm!

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

I would not engage the wombat
In any form of mortal combat.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Smallpox is natural; vaccine ain't.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Behold the Zebra on the plains, And shudder at his mighty manes!

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Any kiddie in school can love like a fool, But Hating, my boy, is an Art.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Beneath this slab John Brown is stowed. He watched the ads, And not the road.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

The sky is now indelible ink, The branches reft asunder; But you and I we do not shrink; We love the lovely thunder.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Linguistics becomes an ever eerier area, like I feel like I'm in Oz, Just trying to tell it like it was.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

If you are really Master of your Fate, it shouldn't make any difference to you whether Cleopatra or the Bearded Lady is your mate.

--Ogden Nash

photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

God in His wisdom made the fly And then forgot to tell us why.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

A husband is a man who two minutes after his head touches the pillow is snoring like an overloaded omnibus.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Some primal termite knocked on wood.
And tasted it, and found it good.
And that is why your Cousin May
Fell through the parlor floor today.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Passivity can be a provoking modus operandi;
Consider the Empire and Gandhi.

--Ogden Nash

photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

I myself am more and more inclined to agree with Omar and Satchel Paige as I grow older: Don't try to rewrite what the moving finger has writ, and don't ever look over your shoulder.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

It is the sin of omission, the second kind of sin,
That lays eggs under your skin.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Dogs display reluctance and wrath If you try to give them a bath. They bury bones in hideaways And half the time they trot sideaways.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

I think progress began to retrogress when Wilbur and Orville started tinkering around in Dayton and at Kitty Hawk, because I believe that two Wrights made a wrong.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Some one invented the telephone, And interrupted a nation's slumbers, Ringing wrong but similar numbers.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

We love the kindly wind and hail, The jolly thunderbolt, We watch in glee the fairy trail Of ampere, watt, and volt.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Some tortures are physical And some are mental, But the one that is both Is dental.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

One thing that literature would be greatly the better for
Would be a more restricted employment by authors of simile and metaphor.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

There has been a lot of progress during my lifetime, but I'm afraid it's heading in the wrong direction.

--Ogden Nash

photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

All husbands are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.

--Ogden Nash
brown long coated small dog lying on white textile

The dog is man's best friend. He has a tail on one end. Up in front he has teeth. And four legs underneath.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Sleep is perverse as human nature, Sleep is perverse as a legislature, Sleep is as forward as hives or goiters, And where it is least desired, it loiters.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

--Ogden Nash

photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Too clever is dumb.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Here lies my past, Goodbye I have kissed it; Thank you kids, I wouldn't have missed it.

--Ogden Nash

photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window.

--Ogden Nash

Longer Version:

When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window.
~ Ogden Nash.


photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks Which practically conceal its sex I think it clever of the turtle In such a fix to be so fertile.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

This is my dream, It is my own dream, I dreamt it. I dreamt that my hair was kempt. Then I dreamt that my true love unkempt it.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Middle-age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

Your hair may be brushed, but your mind's untidy.
You've had about seven hours of sleep since Friday.
No wonder you feel that lost sensation.
You're sunk from a riot of relaxation.

--Ogden Nash
photo of author Ogden Nash with quote

I think that I shall never see
A billboard lovely as a tree.
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,
I'll never see a tree at all.

--Ogden Nash

We wish you a perfect day!