I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

I have a sixth sense, but not the other five. If I wasn't making money, they'd put me away.

Imitation isn't the sincerest form of flattery -- it's plagiarism.

No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a few seconds.

I just want to be known as a clown because to me, that's the height of my profession. It means you can do everything -- sing, dance and, above all, make people laugh.

I personally believe that each of us was put here for a purpose -- to build not to destroy. If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.

You know, last night it was so cold that my pillow and my sheets fought to see who got under the blankets first.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

His death was the first time that Ed Wynn ever made anyone sad.

Recipe for a happy marriage: My wife and I always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

You know how you tell when you're getting old? When your broad mind changes places with your narrow waist.

Mom used to say I didn't run away from home my destiny just caught up with me at an early age.

If by chance some day you're not feeling well and you should remember some silly thing I've said or done and it brings back a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart, then my purpose as your clown has been fulfilled.

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

If I can make people smile, then I have served my purpose for God.

Congress: Bingo with billions.

I consider the television set as the American fireplace, around which the whole family will gather.

I personally believe we were put here to build and not to destroy.

There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other two.

She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.