I love a finished speaker, I really, truly do I don't mean one who's polished, I just mean one who's through.

If I ever make a hole in one, A thrill that I've never known, I won't be believed and I'll have no fun, For I'm sure to be playing alone.

Good sportsmanship we hail, we sing.
It's always pleasant when you spot it.
There's only one unhappy thing;
You have to lose to prove you've got it.

In larger things we are convivial; what causes trouble is the trivial.

When it comes to eating, you can sometimes help yourself more by helping yourself less.

Libraries: Here is where people, one frequently finds, lower their voices, and raise their minds.

I've suffered from all of the hang-ups known, and none is as bad as the telephone.

Almost nothing is known about Homer, which explains why so much has been written about him.

There are very few humorists who have written first-rate humor after they've become elderly.

You would do well to turn from Chapter XXXVI to Chapter CXXXIII without further delay, thus saving nearly a hundred chapters without anybody's knowing the difference if you keep quiet. After all, Ahab isn't the only one entitled to be a skipper.

I miss my mattress when I am gone; It's one thing I've made an impression on.

Of late I appear To have reached that stage When people who look old Who are only my age.

Some golfers blast their ball from traps, With one adroit explosion, But others, out in ten perhaps, Depend upon erosion.

Melville died in New York on September 28, 1891, blissfully unaware that, in the years to come, so many people would leave the hyphen out of 'Moby-Dick.

Shakespeare, who never could think up a plot by himself, found this one Macbeth in Holinshed's Chronicles, changing it just enough so that no one would recognize the source. He didn't count on the resourcefulness of modern scholars, who have to discover things like this to become associate professors.

The great improvement of the radio over the telephone is that it may be turned off without offending the speaker.

Although practice swings Can be helpful things, Twere better, indeed, not take any Than to fiddle and fret And before playing get Exhausted from taking too many.

Rockefeller made his money in oil, which he discovered at the bottom of wells. Oil was considered crude in those days, but so was Rockefeller. Now both are considered quite refined.

Middle -age is the time of life, that a man first notices -- in his wife.

Each year it grows harder to make ends meet -- the ends I refer to are hands and feet.