The brain is like a TV set; when it goes blank, it's a good idea to turn off the sound.

On the plains of hesitation bleach the bones of countless millions who, at the dawn of decision, sat down to wait, and waiting died.

Highways are full of careless drivers who are always too close in front of you.

As a child, a library card takes you to exotic, faraway places. When you're grown up, a credit card does it.

Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn't be done.

The average tourist wants to go to places where there are no tourists.

Success is when your name is in everything but the telephone directory.

Computers are like bikinis. They save people a lot of guesswork.

Half of all home accidents happen in the kitchen, and the family has to eat them.

In many instances, marriage vows would be more accurate if the phrase were changed to 'Until debt do us part'.

Nobody ever asks a father how he manages to combine marriage and a career.

A man commented to his lunch companion: My wife had a funny dream last night. She dreamed she'd married a millionaire. You're lucky, sighed the companion. My wife dreams that in the daytime.

Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.

The trouble with giving advice is that others want to return the favor.

Computers will never take the place of books. You can't stand on a floppy disk to reach a high shelf.

The government deficit is the difference between the amount of money the government spends and the amount it has the nerve to collect.

Parents who wonder where the younger generation is going should remember where it came from.

When you finally go back to your old home, you find it wasn't the old home you missed but your childhood.

The reason that so many of us cannot save money is because of our friends. They're always buying something we can't afford.

President Herbert Hoover returned his salary to the government. His idea caught on, and now we're all doing it.