Quotes by Sebastian Maniscalco

I grew up in an immigrant household with an Italian father who came to the U.S. when he was 15.

My idea of fun would be to review the customers. I could give some customers one star, so that restaurateurs would know when they walked in not to serve them.

I don't like a lot of clutter.

That's how my family bonded -- eating and telling stories.

Food is kind of the conduit that brings people together.

I'm a very observational type of comedian that points out everyday absurdities.

My mother saw the magazine, and she was like, 'You made it.' I've been on Showtime and Comedy Central, but none of that matters -- all that matter is that she sees me in 'People!'

Everybody seems to be wasting their time online. There is such a narcissistic attitude. It's such a strange world.

People come to a show, then they go back to their neighborhood, and it has become like word-of-mouth. Everybody loves to turn somebody on to something. It kind of just snowballed.

You go into Wal-Mart, and you see stuff you typically wouldn't see anywhere else.

I've never seen a weirder group of people than at the post office. It looks like people are crawling out from under rocks to go to the post office.

I go to Vegas now, and I'm in the casino, and I'm gambling, and there's a guy in a wet bathing suit gambling right next to me.

I once did a flip-flop joke in San Diego, and I got booed... but it's all in good fun.

I was always taught how to dress for the occasion.

When I was growing up, we dressed up for church.

I do reflect on it sometimes, going, 'Wow, if I knew what I knew now I would be such a better server.'

The more comfortable I got onstage, the more comfortable I got expressing myself in a physical manner. And it almost shocked people -- 'Oh, is there something happening?'

I'm like, 'Wow, I guess a lot of people didn't have this type of upbringing'... that old world technique of, you know, nothing's given to you, you've gotta work for everything you've done... It's just different from what I'm seeing today.

I like Las Vegas because it kind of gives me a chance to gauge my material in front of a very diverse group of people. There are a lot of different people in the audience, and you can kind of get a barometer for how your material plays throughout the country.

Every heckler is unique because they say something, and you react to what they say or what they're wearing or who they're with, so every response to a heckle is unique.

Sometimes it's cool to have banter with the audience. Occasionally, somebody will say something, and I'll say something right back, and everybody laughs, and it's funny.

I don't like long jokes. I like stories rather than setup punchlines.

I used to devour a lot of stand-up comedy in my cousin's basement. He had cable and I didn't, so I went there and saw all the comedians.

It took me a good eight to ten years to really formulate what I was doing onstage and start to get really personal with comedy. I always really had timing naturally, it was just about trying to figure out how that timing was going to work onstage.

If I can relate to the joke, it's going to be funny.

I'll never stop doing stand-up. There's nothing better than getting in front of 2,500 people and making an entire room laugh.

I developed a knack for storytelling early on around the kitchen table with my family. I just happen to be a funny guy.

We grew up in a middle-class family in Chicago. Even when we went on vacation as a family, it wasn't a really fun time, because my father didn't want to spend any money when we got there.

Growing up in an Italian family, we used our body to convey a message.

I remember when I was young, I was watching TV, and my father came into the room, agitated, and told me to start a business. I was eight years old.