Quotes by Shaquille O'Neal

I'm very educated and can give you somewhat of a vocabulary, but I don't get to the philosophical side.

Our offense is like the Pythagorean Theorem. There is no answer.

I've always been a leader. Every team I've played on, I've led my way.

We live in an impatient world. Everybody is always looking for the next big Kobe, the next big LeBron, the next big Twitter.

I've met a lot of artists who wanted to paint me. LeRoy Neiman was one. He did it from a photograph. He made 20,000 copies, and we sold them all.

When you're in championships, it's never about what you do. It's always about what other people do.

You always have to take care of the sisters first, so my dad would buy Barbies and stuff and I wouldn't get anything. So I don't want any other kid to feel like that.

Do we play Chicago again? I going to hit Othella Harrington right in the mouth. If he didn't have his clumsy ass on the floor, I wouldn't have fell. How he got on the ground, I don't know. He's clumsy. Quote me on that. I'm going to get him.

If you go 72-11 and don't win (the championship), it doesn't mean anything. Actually it does. It means you've cheated and played an extra regular-season game.

When I'm done playing basketball, I want do something bigger. I'm working on my doctorate right now at Barry University in Florida.

I think Bush came back because Colin Powell was there. Hey, I'm the brigadier general, baby.

I don't have to make a point. I'm George Bush. I'm the president. I built that arena, so I don't have to make a point.

He doesn't need advice on how to play his position, but he needs advice on how to play team ball... If it's going to be my team, I'll voice my opinion. If he don't like it, he can opt out.

I'm a cop, and cops talk. They called me the day he did it, but did you ever hear me say anything about it? I played ball, because that's how I am. I'm true.

I'm not the one buying love. He's the one buying love.

In the seven or eight years we were together, we were never together.

He's a jokester, and that's funny, very funny. Ha-ha. Very funny.

This summer is going to be a different summer for a lot of people. Everyone is going to take care of their own business and everyone is going to do what's best for them, including me.

I don't really consider myself one of those superstars. I just consider myself a guy that was lucky enough to win the athletic lottery many times over.

Now I see why everybody who plays for him doesn't like him.

I'm done with the nicknames. Actually, when I obtain my doctorate, I will not allow people to call me Shaq anymore, either.

We're focusing on the whole pie, not a slice. A slice is good, but it's not good enough to get you fat. We're trying to get fat.

If I were a painter, you'd be calling me Shaqcasso.

It gets bigger every time you go over. In China, there was Yao Ming stuff everywhere. I'm just fortunate to have a good-looking face to where they recognize me.

Tell them it was a foul.

The NBA's been around how long? A hundred years? Fifty years? So to change it now, whoever that person is needs his college degree revoked....Whoever did that needs to be fired. It was terrible, a terrible decision. Awful. I might get fined for saying that, but so what?

Why aren't the Nets playing in Newark?

I think the new ball is terrible. It's the worst decision some expert, whoever did it, made. It's terrible. It's like touching an exotic dancer and then going and touching a plastic blow-up doll. You know, it feels different.

It's hard being the NBA's sex symbol, but somebody has to do it.

I got into foul trouble, so I really kind of had to play on egg shells from there on out.

If you go around the league, anybody with the last name 'vich' is a great shooter. Radmanovic, Vujacic... all those 'iches.

I don't think anything of Laura Frank. You heard me -- Laura Frank. Not Lawrence. Laura... It's not that I blame him, I just wish he'd go to a manly tactic and just fight me. Don't whine. When he whines, that's when I change his name of Lawrence Frank.

Generals don't panic; then the troops never panic.

It's a different role for me, playing with the great Dwyane Wade.

Now, the mistakes that I made with my other two sons, Penny and Kobe, I won't make with D-Wade. We can't let them break us up and we can't break each other up.

You know how I be. Last week Kobe couldn't do without me.

We know what we have to do. I know I have to get up in the morning, put my underwear on first and then put my pants on first. I don't need people to tell me that.

Win or lose, I am programmed to do more. That's because I am the other son of Jorel -- Superman.

I make the game easy. Double and triple me, I'll kick it out to you for a wide-open shot. I'll add years to your career.

Art is a process of delivering or arranging elements that appeal to the emotions of a person looking at it. It's what you feel.

I'm one year older, one year sexier -- one more, baby. For me, it's all about the bigger picture. We want to win the whole thing. We've got to beat whoever is in our way.

If I don't get five titles, I won't be happy with myself as a basketball player. I don't know how you guys will feel about me.

I've been 11, 12 percent body fat my whole career. But when you've got a big, sexy, beautiful man that's up in the 340s, 350s, the way you guys were taught on this planet, you're going to automatically think it's fat.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, bet you can't type that.

If you've got a Corvette that runs into a brick wall, you know what's going to happen. He's a Corvette. I'm a brick wall.

It means I don't have to charter that big jet for the family.

No one was there. Some teammates, huh? I guess they didn't want to get their lip busted like the gentleman I busted. Sorry for that sir.

I'm the last in the line of Russells and Chamberlains.

I don't get tired. I get beat up. You keep chopping on a tree, you need to give the tree some rest so the chlorophyll will fill back up and the tree gets its energy back.

The problem with kids these days is they don't have enough fun stuff to do. When I was stationed with my family in Germany, youth basketball programs gave me something to strive to do my best at.

Somebody out there was trying to use my language and trying to speak for me. Rather than have that happen, I thought I'd do it myself. It's a fun thing. It's a way for fans to connect.

This really isn't a game we really should be proud of. This game is liking taking your kids to the zoo. You're supposed to take your kids to the zoo. You're a father. So a team like that, we're supposed to beat them like this.

Everybody talks about being a role model. But if you look up the word 'role' in a dictionary, it describes playing a part. Everything I'm into, it's real to me. There's nothing fake about it.

Opinions are like belly buttons; everybody has one. I never knock a man for his opinion.

Excellence is not a singular act, but a habit.

On paper, I think this is the best team I've been on.

There is nothing to say because I know everything about him. I raised him. I know what's a charade, and I know what's not a charade. I'll leave it at that.

It was a cheap shot. They won the game, move on. My thing is, I don't ask for a lot, but I demand my respect, especially from a guy like that.

There will be a report coming out, and my name will be on it.

I said what I felt, and people try to control people. But you can never control me. I'm a 31-year-old juvenile delinquent. Nobody can control me.

I don't send messages, I'm not a fax machine.

You know what's crazy about Yao? He speaks perfect English. A lot of people don't know that. Perfect English. When I was over there, I called him. He's like, 'Whassup big fella?' Perfect English!

Coach (Pat) Riley told us on June 8 we'd win the title on June 20.

Yeah, D-Wade called me up last night and said that he saw some film of me in high school and thinks that my form then was better and that I should shoot like that. I told him I'd think about it and then my pops called and said something like that so I decided to revert back and then.

I'd shoot zero percent before I'd shoot underhanded.

Well, I don't remember all the names of all the clubs we went to.

Some things you just can't question. Like you can't question why two plus two is four. So don't question it, don't try to look it up. I don't know who made it, all I know is it was put in my head that two plus two is four. So certain things happen. Why does it rain? Why am I so sexy? I don't know.

It's just one more win. I don't give a bleep how we do it, as long as we get it done. Did I say bleep? I'm sorry.

It's hard to get up for a good high-school team like the Chicago Bulls.

I think it's a great city. I think it's a fabulous city. But in my young juvenile days, I was an idiot, and I bought 30 cars. And I need to drive those cars, and New York isn't really the place you can do that.

It's my job to make him look good. He's a very good looking man, so it's my job to keep him looking good.

When I get old, I'm going to the old folks' home. I don't want to be one of those guys who's hanging around the house bothering the kids. But not just any old folks' home. I want the whole top floor.

If I was able to have the game I have and shoot 80% from the line, I'd probably be an arrogant person rather than a humble one. Everything happens for a reason.

The stats win nothing. I'm still sexy. I'm still great.

I am Superman. And the only thing that can kill Superman is Kryptonite. And Kryptonite doesn't exist.

The Miami Heat has the best fans.

I'm a mama's boy above all.

They asked me when I was out there, 'Why do you want to be traded?' I said me staying here is like divorcing my wife and marrying someone who looks like me. That's backwards, man.

Write this: Since my boy is the coach, I'm going to try out for the Dolphins next year. Tight end.

I'm the NBA's best NFL player, and I've always been the sexiest 7-footer in the NBA -- for 12 years running.

If you take a needle and stick her in the booty and take a needle and stick me in the booty, we're both going to say ouch.

A pinch is a pinch. If you pinch my right nipple, I'm going to say, 'ouch.' If I pinch your right nipple, you're going to say 'ouch.' A foul is a foul and a flagrant is a flagrant.

Excellence is a habit. You are what you repeatedly do.

Stats don't matter. I care about winning, not stats. If I score 0 points and we win I'm happy. If I score 50, 60 points, break the records, and we lose, I'm pissed off. 'Cause I knew I did something wrong. I'll have a hell of a season if I win the championship and average 20 points a game.

There was not too much to do as a kid when we arrived in Germany. Playing basketball and listening to music gave me something to do.

Can I go one day without somebody saying something negative about me?

I'm always ready for a change. I'm Irish. I'm a leprechaun.

Tell Yao Ming, 'Ching- chong- yang- wah- ah- soh.'

I'm the LCL -- the Last Center Left. I've been doing the same things for 13 years, but now they're flopping and falling, and the refs are falling for it, too.

I'm still the baddest expletive in the world. Yeah, I'm getting older, but Kareem got older. Hakeem got older. I don't need Earthlings' respect. When it's all said and done, my name will be there and it will be mentioned ... unless you Earthlings try to erase it.

I told my wife when I was rolling up -- I felt like the president.

I endorse only products I actually use. Like Wheaties keeps offering me money, but I don't eat Wheaties, so I can't do it. Now, if Rice Krispies or Frosted Flakes offered me a deal, I'd take it right away. Apple Jacks, I'd be on the box in a heartbeat. Apple Shaqs. Yeah.

The Hack-A-Shaq is just a way of telling me that you can't stop me. Thank you. I appreciate it.

If you're going to hire an assassin, let him go out and kill someone. I can't be Shaq taking six or seven shots.

If you want Shaq to be Shaq, you've got to remember that Shaq is known for wreaking havoc offensively -- 26,000-plus points without consistently making free throws. Don't have me doing something I'm not used to doing. I ain't used to being a pick-setter. Let me badda-bing, badda-bang.

I'm not going to try to go out there and outdo him. I don't have to try to outdo him, I'm Shaq.

There's two kinds of dirty -- dirty and sewer-dirty. Danny Ferry is sewer-dirty and has been ever since he was at Duke.

When I retire, I'm going after his job. If I don't make sheriff, I'm going after his job. He's not that good. You can quote me on that.

Shaquille O'Neal has always been one to speak the truth.

I don't ever want to grow up. I guess I'm like Peter Pan. Grown-ups have problems. I want to stay happy.

My father made me who I am. He gave me a basketball and told me to play with the ball, sleep with the ball, dream with the ball. Just don't take it to school. I used it as a pillow, and it never gave me a stiff neck.

I was really upset. I felt like they tried to limit me, whoever 'they' may be. So I just said to myself third quarter I'm going to come out and do what I do.

We had more great times than bad times together, but they've moved on, I've moved on. I have a new team now and I have a new focus.

I'd like to thank everyone who voted for me. And the one guy who didn't vote for me, thank you, too.

We're going to miss Damon. He was a great shooter... He got what he wanted, but he gave up a lot. No more night life, no more warm weather and no more a lot of media attention... I guess this was his first shot at getting something big. I guess he had to take it.

The Spurs are a great WNBA team.

I'll beat you up right now if you want me to.

That was a foul, young lady. You know that was a foul. Don't ask dumb questions.

About strip clubs and athletes. The best way I can explain why a lot of players end up there is because it's one of the safest places a high-profile person can spend time in a boring city.

I don't see us having a problem. It's going to be my job to manage the locker room, anyway, so it will work out.

I'm going back to the old Shaq. I was normal last year -- I was an earthling last summer. I had to go back to my alien roots.

My personal opinion is, how, if you never hung out with somebody, do you know them so well? I never hung out with that dude because the dude is a weirdo.

In junior high in Germany I fought kids all the time. I had such a bad temper, I almost got thrown out of school. A few lickings from my dad got me out of that scene. He wore me out with a paddle.

I didn't say anything. Got nothing to say. I'm a married man; I don't need a relationship with another man.

Incense. Books. Just weird.

In this millennium that we live in, the 'Hack-a-Shaq' has proven not to work. It might work a couple games every now and then, but when it comes to the playoffs or a championship series, it doesn't work -- not at all.

I'm a realist. I like to put it in business terms. I ran three different corporations my way and I was successful. But I'm an older guy who is on his way out so they brought me in as a consultant for the new, up-and-coming CEO. I'm here for him.

I respect the older guys.

Kobe always tried to be a hero. But you know, as the saying goes, a hero ain't nothing but a sandwich.

To all the young people out there who think money and fame is important: that's only a small piece of the pie. You need an education to be totally secure in life. I feel very secure I can go get a real job now.

Get your tickets now. Buy cable now. Get your jerseys now. Pull your boats up to the docking stations now. Bring your Sea-Doos now. If you can't afford a Sea-Doo, get a raft.

I'm sort of like a specialist. I go in, do what I do and every four years, they get tired of me and I have to relocate myself.

There is nothing for me to be sour about. What you got to understand is that I'm a military man. We usually do my shift for four or five years and then you got to move on.

There's no answer for my offense, just like the polythagorean theorem.

Some of my favorite songs -- and I don't know if this is the right terminology -- are white-boy classics.

I'm like toilet paper, toothpaste and certain amenities -- I'm proven to be good. I've still got 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 years left.

I just want everyone to know I'm suing Ruben Studdard. He had his hand on my ass and he wouldn't let go.

I told our guys they must not have cable because Antoine Walker knows how to play, Derek Anderson can play, Shandon Anderson knows how to play, and Gary Payton knows how play.

I'm going to be on a mission. I've handled my personal vendettas and handled them well. Every challenge you put in front of me, I've handled it, dismantled it -- ate them, dropped them off in the bathroom and flushed them away.

I want to go to police academy, I want to actually go out and make a couple of arrests. I want to go undercover.

I dribble rhymes like basketball...
People call me 'E.T.'
What's that, Shaq man?
'Extra Tall.'

I'm more like a senior adviser so I don't like to come in here and try to take over. Just like your basic karate movie where the young guys come to the old guys with beards who have them do weird stuff to get to the other side. That's who I am, the old guy with a long beard.

Pluto is not a planet, but I am.

I'm not a young jitterbug anymore. When I was a young jitterbug, I never won. I didn't start winning until I got older. The older I get, the wiser I get. You just have to play it smart.

Since I suffered the injury on company time, why shouldn't I also be able to get surgery and do recovery on company time?

My sons love LeBron more than they love me. I'm just a little jealous about it.

The Big Cactus... because if you come too close, you're gonna get stuck.