158 Quotes by Steve Harvey

I take my brand very seriously.

I never saw myself not being a stand-up. That was my plan.

But if he loves you, he will profess it, he will provide for you, and he will protect you. If he really loves you, the ultimate profession is, 'This is my wife.'

The Lord saved my soul.

My marriage to Marjorie is the most rewarding thing that ever happened to me. She gave me a life and a relationship that I didn't know existed.

I pay attention to every minute of the day.

The best timed joke or the best timed phrase comes at spontaneous moments and just relies on me as the host to be very quick, and that's what I do.

As always, whenever I'm contacted by the White House, I'm just humbled.

I won an amateur night, October 8th, 1985. I went to work the next day and quit my job.

If you don't believe in God, then where is your moral barometer?

There many guys out there who are actually fishing for a woman whom they are planning on keeping. But there are guys out there who are just sports fishing -- catching them and then throwing them back into the ocean.

I've said over and over again jokingly that the only way a woman can truly be completely satisfied is to get herself four different men--an old one, an ugly one, a Mandingo, and a gay
guy. Now the four of them combined? They got you covered.

My color's not a crutch. See, funny crosses a lot of color barriers.

If a man loves you ... he's willing to profess it. He'll give you a title after a while. You're going to be his lady, his woman, his fiancée, his wife, his baby's mama, something.

If you cook something on the show, and I don't like it, I'm going to tell you. I don't understand how you could watch any of these morning shows, and everything everybody cooks is absolutely delicious. Are you kidding me, man?

But even in my darkest days I had faith it would turn around.

I'm not a relationship expert. I'm an expert on manhood.

I'm not a movie star and I know that.

My calling is to help people, to teach people, to share with people, until I die. I can never stop doing that. I can't, and I don't want to.

Procrastinatio n will delay your change! Today is a very good day to change; don't let YOU stop yourself from growing!

It's a woman's right to know a man's intentions upfront. Because, once you get emotionally attached to a man and you sleep with him, it's too late.

If you don't have a base -- you can't not have a spiritual base and survive. That's probably what has kept me out of the tabloids. Then I go home, I've got a family, and I keep my wife in front of my head.

When you're happy at home, you can make a lot of things happen.

All men can and will change. But there's only one woman we're going to change for.

At one point in time, you've just got to be a brave soldier, and speak up. What are you scared of, you know? So many of our entertainers have that fear because we're afraid of opposition.

I'm not a good mother at all.

Sometimes out of your biggest misery, comes your greatest gain.

If I were an animal, I'd probably be a bald eagle, since I'm already bald and I love to fish. But I'd probably be a shaky-ass eagle because I'm afraid of flying.

You're an investigator -- can't nobody find stuff out like a woman. Y'all put the police to shame, make the little investigative tricks they show on CSI and Law and Order: SVU look like counting lessons on Sesame Street.

Don't hate the player; change the game.

TV is a different animal. I belong on that little screen. The big silver screen, not so much, 'cause I've seen my face up close when it's 25-feet tall. I'm okay as long as you keep me in that little box.

You think that God positioned you here so you can just have it all to yourself? God blesses you to become a blessing. That's the deal.

Love is never going to go out of style, a man is always going to want to have the love of a woman. She just needs a game plan to work out how to get his love.

Men automatically know from the moment she opens her mouth that if they want her, they'll have to get in line whith her standards and requirments, or keep it moving because she's done with the games and isn't interested in playing.

Providing for the ones he loves and care about, whether it's monetarily or with sweat equity, is part of a man's DNA, and if he loves and cares for you, this man will provide for you all these things with no limits.

I was homeless. I lived in a car for a couple of years. That was the worst. But nothing was worse than when I was 40 and my mom passed away. My mother was the best person I ever knew. Those were the two lowest points.

A lot of times we expect people who get money and fame to suddenly become this role model or this icon. That ain't how it works. Money and fame -- all it does it just allows you to be more of who you really are.

If you're a generous person, when you get money and fame, you're going to be more generous. If you're a sharer, you're going to be more sharing. If you're a coward, you're just going to be a bigger coward. That's all money and fame does.

If you ain't nothing when you get money and fame, you're just going to be more nothing. If you don't stand for nothing, when you get money and fame, you ain't suddenly fin to stand for nothing! You're just fin to be richer and more famous -- standing for nothing!

I've always been this way. My father taught this to me. Here's the thing, you have to understand; the thing about having money: Money and fame don't change you, all it does is allow you to be more of who you are anyway.

There's no such thing as luck. These are blessings. God endows them upon you. He makes you a blessing to become a blessing.

If you want to be successful, you have to jump, there's no way around it. When you jump, I can assure you that your parachute will not open right away. But if you do not jump, your parachute will never open. If you're safe, you'll never soar!

You are never too old to reinvent yourself.

I'm still very much a Christian and have a great relationship with God. I love Him, but one of my flaws is that I cuss.

The truth is I've always been a Christian. What's amazing, is that the flaws that come with Christianity are really weird, because mine have a microphone and a camera attached to them. Most people don't have to live under that microscope.

A real man is happy and eager to live by your rules, as long as he knows what the rules are and he's sure that abiding by those rules will help keep the woman he loves happy.

But remember what drives a man; real men do what they have to do to make sure their people are taken care of, clothed, housed, and reasonably sastisfied, and if they're doing anything less than that, they're not men.

If you think sagging, and, how many women you've got, and how big a chain you've got, and how much dope you're slangin', and how much money you've got in your pocket makes you a man, then you're sadly mistaken. You're going to be a misguided soul your entire life.

The most successful people in this world recognize that taking chances to get what they want is much more productive than sitting around being too scared to take a shot.

God does things for us because He trusts us; that when He gives it to us, that we will do the right thing. We'll open up our eyes and see the plan He has for us. If we're not going to open up our eyes, don't worry -- you're not going to have it long. You're short-lived.

Sometimes we don't appreciate Prayer until we have to go through something!

You can't ask the women to do anymore. It's time for us as Black men to step up and be what we're supposed to be.

Catch fire today! Make today the day you stop complaining and do something!

You don't just sit in the car and let some guy drive you through life, wasting your time.

Failure means you've now learned another valuable lesson that pushes you one step closer to success.

A woman can't change a man because she loves him. A man changes himself because he loves her.

Everybody by your side ain't on your side.

It never ceases to amaze me how much people talk about relationships, think about them, read about them, ask about them -- even get in them without a clue how to move them forward.

Do not ignore you gift. Your gift is the thing you do the absolute BEST with the LEAST amount of effort.~Steve Harvey.

If you'd asked me then if I saw how big The Steve Harvey Morning Show was going to be, I couldn't tell you. But I knew I could reach people not as a character but as Steve Harvey, because although I tell jokes for a living, I've also lived, and I think I can relate to you more than you know.

Your dream has to be bigger than your fear.

I never say nagging. I think that nagging is a term that men created to get women to pipe down some. But it's a trap that we've created. We created several terms for women to back you down. Nagging means to stop asking me questions, then we get away with more. I think it's a term men created.

Act like a lady think like a man.

Your career is what you're paid for. Your calling is what you're made for.

If you pray about it don't worry about it. If you're going to worry about it don't pray about it.

The only way woman can truly be completely satisfied is to get herself four different men -- an old one, an ugly one, a Mandingo, and a gay guy.

My father instilled in me to take care of my family. Show up even when you don't want to show up.

If you'd asked me then if I saw how big 'The Steve Harvey Morning Show' was going to be, I couldn't tell you. But I knew I could reach people not as a character but as Steve Harvey, because although I tell jokes for a living, I've also lived, and I think I can relate to you more than you know.

The problem in our community is not the women -- I mean, they've done all they can do.

I ain't no author, man... my writing skills are not of 'New York Times' best-seller quality, trust and believe it ain't. My vocabulary ain't.

I've had my share of problems along the way. Don't get me wrong, because there is no school for this. You go from a poor person to a rich person. My parents didn't have no money; didn't tell me nothing about investments.

You can't tell big dreams to small minded people.

To be No. 1 on the 'New York Times' best-seller list, well, that's alarming. Having been a stand-up comedian, I think it's surprising to a lot of people that I had the insight I had.

I ain't no author, man ... my writing skills are not of New York Times best-seller quality, trust and believe it ain't. My vocabulary ain't.

The cookie is the critical part. It's a word I created for sex and you've got to give a man all three things. If you miss one out, he is going to find it somewhere else.

You've got to be vulnerable when you're talking to kids. There's nothing worse than some adult standing up there just talking down to some kid. You can't work that way.

I don't rehearse on either of my shows, 'Family Feud' or my talk show. I never rehearse with the guests. I don't want to have any preconceived thoughts, notions, because that kills my creativity as a host and as a stand up.

I was raised by a mother who was a Sunday school teacher and a father who worked hard. Together they taught me to give back.

Your reality is yours. Stop wasting time looking at someone else's reality while doing nothing about yours.

I can't cuss and tell jokes the rest of my life. I gotta say something meaningful. I gotta give something back to a Creator who has given so much to me.

I got married for the wrong reasons. I was tired of being alone. I have to own that. It was me, not her.

Catch Fire, Do Something, Get Excited by Finding Your Purpose In Life.

The quote that i liked isThe moment of the baby boy is born is taught to be tough i really liked this quote from the book that am reading because i think its the same in UAE,we teach our baby boy to be strong and to get up without crying and to depend on him self.

Hip-hop is a beautiful thing. I think that the music genre itself has created more millionaires than any other music genre before it, especially in our community.

I had, like, 11 jobs. I've been fired 11 times! 'Cause I'm not cut for that. You know, I was a great employee, man. Everybody loved me coming to work -- I'm singing, tellin' jokes on the assembly line. I was miserable, man. I was dying. I was dying.

Boys Shack, MEN build homes.

Your setback is just a setup for your comeback.

Men respect women who have standards -- get some!

The first time I saw my wife, Marjorie, I was doing stand-up in Memphis, and she was sitting in the front row. Afterward, I walked up and said, Ma'am, I'm going to marry you one day. And 15 years later, I did.

The first time I saw my wife, Marjorie, I was doing stand-up in Memphis, and she was sitting in the front row. Afterward, I walked up and said, 'Ma'am, I'm going to marry you one day.' And 15 years later, I did.

Other than my foundation -- mentoring programs -- everything I do is for money.

I don't want to be 60 years old standing on stage telling some jokes. I want my life to mean something.

I'm a comedian first. I've learned how to act. I just draw on life experiences and that's how I've learned. I didn't take classes or anything. I don't need no classroom.

I just believe if you don't believe in God, then where is your moral barometer? That's just me talking. You can believe what you want to believe.

I know how men think when they're not responding to questions in a clinical study.

You can be happy, or you can be right. If you want to be part of a couple and win every argument, you're in trouble.

There's a lot more to me than just funny.

A guy that's really serious about you, he's gotta be talking to you, he's gotta want to have one-on-one, in-your-face interaction. That's how we are.

Every day, President Obama sends a beautiful message about how we should treat our women based on how he treats his wife. When people went after his wife during the campaign, he took a stand.

My mother raised me in the church. I was not allowed to stay home on Sunday; there was no option. I sang in the choir all the way up until I went to college.

Comedians walk out, get a feel for the crowd. If it's not going good, we change directions. If we got to drag your momma into this thing, we will. Whatever we got to do.

We all think that this relationship thing is a game out here. All I'm saying to women is, 'Okay. If it's a game, here are the rules that we play by.'

People see me laughing and telling jokes, but they had no idea after the show was over, I had no joy in my life, in my heart.

I think there are so many books out there written on relationships and romance that women are the authors of. How can women know exactly how men think? And there are so many guys out there with relationship books who are just not telling the truth. They have shaded parts.

God lets you be successful because he trusts you that you will do the right thing with it. Now, does he get disappointed often? All the time, because people get there and they forget how they got it.

You've got to quit lowering your standards. Set your requirements up front so when a guy hooks you, he has to know this is business.

You've got to be in a bad relationship to really understand what a great one is.

God has positioned me just this way to be just like I am, to say what I say how I say it.

There has been nothing more impactful on my life and meaningful to me than the introduction of Christ. That, hands down, blows away every joke I've ever written.

Being on a comedy tour is like traveling with family, everyone is all having a great time... then all of a sudden it turns sour. One thing gets said out of turn, and everyone is on everyone's last nerve. After an hour of silence, we all start laughing about it.

You can't go forward and backwards at the same time.

I tell my boys not to play rough with their younger sister. I try to teach them what I know already: You're never going to win an argument with a girl, so just let her have what she wants!

Failure is a great teacher, and I think when you make mistakes and you recover from them and you treat them as valuable learning experiences, then you've got something to share.

I'm not a doctor. I just have a tremendous amount of common sense.

I'm just a living witness that you can be an imperfect soldier and still be in the army fighting for God Almighty. Don't you think you got to be perfect 'cause I ain't.

Women are the real reason we get up every day. I'm talking about real men. If there were no women, I would not even have to bathe, because why would I care? These are guys I'm hanging with. I wake up for a woman every day of my life to make it happen for her.

You have nothing if you're texting a guy in a relationship. We can text six women a minute. We can text it and push 'reply all.' I mean, since we're lying, we might as well lie to everybody.

You can take lessons to become almost anything: flying lessons, piano lessons, skydiving lessons, acting lessons, race car driving lessons, singing lessons. But there's no class for comedy. You have to be born with it. God has to give you this gift.

My mother was a Sunday school teacher. So I am a byproduct of prayer. My mom just kept on praying for her son.

A person has to remember that the road to success is always under construction. You have to get that through your head. That it is not easy becoming successful.

I don't have 'The Jerry Springer Show'. I just got 'Family Feud', but some of them families, when they lose, man, they have some real conversations with each other back behind that wall, but I've never been involved in any of them.

The problem is, women have stopped setting the bar high.

How can smart women be so stupid about men sometimes? Lack of knowledge. It's what men have kept secret for so long.

If a man loves you... he's willing to profess it. He'll give you a title after a while. You're going to be his lady, his woman, his fiancee, his wife, his baby's mama, something.

God has given me a life far beyond anything I ever dreamed about. God is, man, God is something else man.

I'm not really a relationship expert but... I'm an expert on manhood and what men think.

I don't want people to see me fall. I mean, I got enough people cheering for me to fall now... The Internet has created some amazing place for evil to exist, you dig?

Men don't come up to you to just talk. We come up to you with a plan. We're looking across the room at you, and we don't care about your hopes and dreams. We don't care about what your future holds. We saw something we wanted.

I don't think it's cool for people to say, 'You shouldn't reference God because I don't believe that, and I don't want to hear it.' Well, there's a lot of stuff I don't believe that I still gotta hear.

I have seen some crazy people do some crazy things on my variety show. I have to stop and ask them a lot of the time, just how they figured out that they could do the things that they do, some of it is just plain freaky.

All I knew growing up was that my father was married to and loved my momma, period. He worked hard, made some money, and put it on the dresser. She spent it on the family, and he went out and earned some more. He taught me the most about love.

I'd have to say I'm most proud of my mentoring camp that I do in Dallas every year for one hundred boys from single-parent homes. I was raised by a mother who was a Sunday school teacher and a father who worked hard. Together they taught me to give back.

I'm going to take this God-given gift of being funny, and I'm going to spread it out like peanut butter on everything I do.

I think that we, as the African-American men in hip-hop, we have a greater responsibly because we have the ears of so many millions of our young people. And they listenin'.