If you cook something on the show, and I don't like it, I'm going to tell you. I don't understand how you could watch any of these morning shows, and everything everybody cooks is absolutely delicious. Are you kidding me, man?

Every day, President Obama sends a beautiful message about how we should treat our women based on how he treats his wife. When people went after his wife during the campaign, he took a stand.

Your setback is just a setup for your comeback.

I pay attention to every minute of the day.

As always, whenever I'm contacted by the White House, I'm just humbled.

If you pray about it don't worry about it. If you're going to worry about it don't pray about it.

I've had my share of problems along the way. Don't get me wrong, because there is no school for this. You go from a poor person to a rich person. My parents didn't have no money; didn't tell me nothing about investments.

I got married for the wrong reasons. I was tired of being alone. I have to own that. It was me, not her.

People see me laughing and telling jokes, but they had no idea after the show was over, I had no joy in my life, in my heart.

I'm going to take this God-given gift of being funny, and I'm going to spread it out like peanut butter on everything I do.

You've got to quit lowering your standards. Set your requirements up front so when a guy hooks you, he has to know this is business.

Failure is a great teacher, and I think when you make mistakes and you recover from them and you treat them as valuable learning experiences, then you've got something to share.

I've always been this way. My father taught this to me. Here's the thing, you have to understand; the thing about having money: Money and fame don't change you, all it does is allow you to be more of who you are anyway.

I'm not a doctor. I just have a tremendous amount of common sense.

But if he loves you, he will profess it, he will provide for you, and he will protect you. If he really loves you, the ultimate profession is, 'This is my wife.'

Your dream has to be bigger than your fear.

You've got to be vulnerable when you're talking to kids. There's nothing worse than some adult standing up there just talking down to some kid. You can't work that way.

The first time I saw my wife, Marjorie, I was doing stand-up in Memphis, and she was sitting in the front row. Afterward, I walked up and said, Ma'am, I'm going to marry you one day. And 15 years later, I did.

God does things for us because He trusts us; that when He gives it to us, that we will do the right thing. We'll open up our eyes and see the plan He has for us. If we're not going to open up our eyes, don't worry -- you're not going to have it long. You're short-lived.

The only way woman can truly be completely satisfied is to get herself four different men -- an old one, an ugly one, a Mandingo, and a gay guy.