Why not? If enough people believe, you can be god of anything.
Out of Print is bookseller speak for We can't be hedgehogged.
Every procedure for getting a cat to take a pill works fine -- once. Like the Borg, they learn.
Granny Weatherwax, who had walked nightly without fear in the bandit-haunted forests of the mountains all her life in the certain knowledge that the darkness held nothing more terrible than she was.
Strength enough to build a home, Time enough to hold a child, Love enough to break a heart.
A hardback's harder at Christmas time because that's a good hardback buying time.
Shoes, men, coffins; never accept the first one you see.
Soon to come in licorice, orange, cinnamon, and banana, but not strawberry, because I hate strawberries.
The food was good solid stuff for a cold morning, all calories and fat and protein and maybe a vitamin crying softly because it was all alone.
Even a really bad creator would at least have started with Earth, Air, Fire, Water and Surprise.
People don't like to say Horror so they say Dark Fantasy because that's Horror wearing a collar and tie.
Dark Fantasy is just another way of saying Horror.
I ain't against gods and goddesses, in their place. But they've got to be the ones we make ourselves. Then we can take 'em to bits for the parts when we don't need 'em anymore, see?
Silk stockings. With garters. Well, they were out. There were a lot of things he'd do for Sybil, but if garters figured anywhere in the relationship they weren't going to be on him.
Vimes awoke with a noseful of camel. There are far worse awakenings, but not as many as you might think.
The Great God Om waxed wroth, or at least made a spirited attempt. There is a limit to the amount of wroth that can be waxed one inch from the ground, and he was right up against it.
An education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
It's not gambling to play
against someone who's no good. It's common sense.
There was something pleasant about an empty classroom. Of course, as any teacher would point out, one nice thing was that there were no children in it.
All he had was nothing, but that was something, and now it had been taken away.
What a place! What a situation! What kind of man would put a known criminal in charge of a major branch of government? Apart from, say, the average voter.
On nights such as this, witches are abroad. Well, not actually abroad. They don't like the food and you can't trust the water and the shamans always hog the deckchairs.
Esk, of course, had not been trained, and it is well known that a vital ingredient of success is not knowing that what you're attempting can't be done.
No-one likes being told it's their lucky day. That sort of thing does not bode well. When someone tells you it's your lucky day, something bad is about to happen.
Captain Vimes believed in logic, in much the same way as a man in a desert believed in ice -- i.e., it was something he really needed, but this just wasn't the world for it.
She knew a cutting, incisive, withering and above all a self-evident answer existed. It was just that, to her extreme annoyance, she couldn't quite bring it to mind.
You couldn't be a real copper in Ankh-Morpork and stay sane. You had to care. Anda caring in Ankh-Morpork was like opening a tin of meat in the middle of a piranha school.
And at the end of all stories Azrael, who knew the secret, thought: I REMEMBER WHEN ALL THIS WILL BE AGAIN.
In front of her the cat Greebo, glad to be home again, lay on his back with all four paws in the air, doing his celebrated something-found-in-the-gutter impersonation.
Occasionally a few bubbles would eructate to the surface like the ghosts of beans on bath night.
She was definitely feeling several twinkles short of a glitter.
When you break rules, break 'em good and hard.
Nanny Ogg usually went to bed early. After all, she was an old lady. Sometimes she went to bed as early as 6 a.m.
There was silence in the square, except for the sound of several thousand people being astonished.
Esme Weatherwax hadn't done nice. She'd done what was needed.
Don't wish, Miss Tick had said. Do things.
I'd rather be a rising ape than a falling angel.
It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever he said. Have you thought of going into teaching?
The pamphlet was very patriotic. That is, it talked about killing foreigners.
This time it had been magic. And it didn't stop being magic just because you found out how it was done.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
If you put butter and salt on it, it tastes like salty butter.
At least I know I'm bewildered about the really fundamental and important facts of the universe.
This is Art holding a Mirror up to Life. That's why everything is exactly the wrong way around.
Corporal Nobbs had been disqualified from the human race for shoving.
Nature abhors a lot of things, including vacuums, ships called the Marie Celeste, and the chuck keys for electric drills.
And no practical definition of freedom would be complete without the freedom to take the consequences. Indeed, it is the freedom upon which all the others are based.
What kind of man would put a known criminal in charge of a major branch of government? Apart from, say, the average voter.
His movements could be called cat-like, except that he did not stop to spray urine up against things.
We've got a lot of experience of not having any experience.
The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.
It is well known that a vital ingredient of success is not knowing that what you're attempting can't be done.
Always remember that the crowd that applauds your coronation is the same crowd that will applaud your beheading. People like a show.
You need to believe in things that aren't true. How else can they become?
All dwarfs have beards and wear up to twelve layers of clothing. Gender is more or less optional.
In Genua, someone set out to make dreams come true. Remember some of your dreams?
He'd heard that writers spent all day in their dressing gowns drinking champagne. This is, of course, absolutely true.
Vimes had believed all his life that the Watch were called coppers because they carried copper badges, but no, said Carrot, it comes from the old word cappere, to capture.
Creatures which, lacking mankind's superior brain power, did not concern themselves with finding someone to blame, and instead tried to find someone to eat.
Fantasy is an exercise bicycle for the mind. It might not take you anywhere, but it tones up the muscles that can.
Magic never dies. It merely fades away.
It takes forty men with their feet on the ground to keep one man with his head in the air.
The problem is, people only think for themselves if you tell them to.
Being Ymor's right-hand man was like being gently flogged to death with scented bootlaces.
He was currently wondering vaguely who Moey and Chandon were.
Sister Mary was a nurse and nurses, whatever their creed, are primarily nurses, which had a lot to do with wearing your watch upside down, keeping calm in emergencies, and dying for a cup of tea.
People don't alter history any more than birds alter the sky, they just make brief patterns in it.
I don't see why it matters what is written. Not when it's about people. It can always be crossed out.
You can't second-guess ineffability, I always say.
The Kappamaki, a whaling research ship, was currently researching the question: How many whales can you catch in one week?
People couldn't become truly holy, he said, unless they also had the opportunity to be definitively wicked.
'Don't think of it as dying,' said Death. 'Just think of it as leaving early to avoid the rush.'
If you don't turn your life into a story, you just become a part of someone else's story.
That's the trouble about the good guys and the bad guys! They're all guys!
The girls were expected to grow up to be somebody's wife. They were also expected to read and write, those being considered soft indoor jobs that were too fiddly for the boys.
I can see we're going to get along like a house on fire, said Miss Tick. There may be no survivors.
There was not a lot that could be done to make Morpork a worse place. A direct hit by a meteorite, for example, would count as gentrification.
A good man will kill you with hardly a word.
I have a living will and I have friends, and I have money and I have hope.
Imagination is only intelligence having fun. A healthy mind knows how to switch between worlds, and which one you need to eat and sleep in.
My idea of a good novel was one you made enough money out of to buy a greenhouse.
You know how to pray, don't you? Just put your hands together and hope.
Everything happens for a reason, except possibly football.
Look, sir, I know Angua. She's not the useless type. She doesn't stand there and scream helplessly. She makes other people do that.
We are as gods to beasts of the field. We order the time of their birth and the time of their death. Between times, we have a duty.
Many an ancient lord's last words have been, 'You can't kill me because I've got magic aaargh.'
Probably the last sound heard before the Universe folded up like a paper hat would be someone saying, What happens if I do this?