This requires a level of delusion egomania usually reserved for popes and drag queens.

You have to remember that actors are human beings. Which is hard sometimes because they look so much better than human beings.

An interim government was set up in Afghanistan. It included two women, one of whom was Minister of Women's Affairs. Man, who'd she have to show her ankles to to get that job?

I never get to go to movies, because I'm a mom.

You don't just decide to destroy a person by making up stuff, and no one at 'SNL' is writing to go after someone.

I'm not a fan of purposely farting in front of other people. If you have to fart, leave the room.

Tracy: Stop eating people's old french fries, little pigeon. Have some self-respect. Don't you know you can fly?

I prefer the retro chic of spending Christmas just like Joseph and Mary did -- Traveling arduously back to the place of your birth to be counted, with no guarantee of a bed when you get there.

Admission is Paul Weitz's movie. This is Karen Croner -- the screenwriter's -- movie. To have such a lovely role in such a beautifully written script offered to me, it's like elves made the shoes.

MAKE STATEMENTS also applies to us women: Speak in statements instead of apologetic questions. No one wants to go to a doctor who says, I'm going to be your surgeon? I'm here to talk to you about your procedure? I was first in my class at Johns Hopkins, so? Make statements, with your actions and your voice.

It will never be perfect, but perfect is overrated. Perfect is boring on live TV.

You can't be that kid standing at the top of the waterslide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.

I don't really have a nemesis, but I have a series of hundreds of small enemies that fuel me. Everyone I meet I assume is out to get me and that fuels my fire on a daily basis.

Was it too much to expect the rest of the world to care about grammar or pay attention to details?

My proudest moment as a child was the time I beat my uncle Pierre at Scrabble with the seven-letter word FARTING.

It is less dangerous to draw a cartoon of Allah French-kissing Uncle Sam -- which, let me make it very clear, I have not done -- than it is to speak honestly about working moms.

I think the Web is, you know, things like YouTube and stuff are absolutely where a lot of younger people are watching their TV on iTunes in the Web and YouTube, whatever. So, I think it's an important place to have a presence.

Say yes. You'll figure it out afterward.

So, to sum up my room-clearing generalizations, men are in comedy to break rules.

I find, the fancier the fashion magazine is, the worse the Photoshop. It's as if they are already so disgusted that a human has to be in the clothes, they can't stop erasing human features.