Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your back pocket.
A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people.
Politics is applesauce.
You can't legislate intelligence and common sense into people.
The time to save is now. When a dog gets a bone, he doesn't go out and make a down payment on a bigger bone. He buries the one he's got.
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.
If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.
There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
There is something about riding on a prancing horse that makes you feel like something, even when you aint worth a thing.
The budget is a mythical bean bag. Congress votes mythical beans into it, and then tries to reach in and pull real beans out.
Too many people spend money they earned to buy things they don't want to impress people that they don't like.
Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
lEven if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. Opportunity rarely knocks on your door. Knock rather on opportunity's door if you ardently wish to enter.
There are two things that I don't care how smart you are, you will never understand. One is an alienist's testimony and the other is a railroad timetable.
When everybody has got money they cut taxes, and when they're broke they raise 'em. That's statesmanship of the highest order.
There are two things that can disrupt business in this country. One is War, and the other is a meeting of the Federal Reserve Bank.
Every day you meet a delegation going to some convention to try and change the way of somebody else's life.
They are having quite an argument over Treasury Secretary Mellon's Tax Bill. Mr. Mellon wants to cut the surtax on the rich, and leave it as is on the poor, as there is more poor than rich. I suppose the majority will win.
Don't raise anything, except what fits your appetite. Then the price don't worry you. Just raise all you can eat and let the low prices go by.
Coolidge has the best idea on this farm relief. He said, 'Farmers, you are in a hole. I can't help you, but I will get in with you.' He did. That made it fine so the farmers were satisfied as long as Coolidge was going to get in with them.
This session of Congress is also to relieve the farmer again, relieve him of any encouragement that he might have received during the last one.
It rained in the Middle West. Farmers are learning that the relief they get from the sky beats what they get from Washington.
In the Middle West now you got to put a brand on your soil, then in the Spring go on a round-up looking for it.
The government says they have loaned over One Billion dollars to the Farmers. In other words, we can't help you make any money, but we will show you where you can owe some more.
Banking and after-dinner speaking are two of the most nonessential industries we have in this country. I am ready to reform, if they are.
There wasn't any Republicans in Washington's day. No Republicans, no Boll Weevil, no income tax, no cover charge, no disarmament conference, no luncheon clubs, no stop lights, no static, no head winds. My Lord, living in those days, who wouldn't be great?
I have always said that a conference was held for one reason only, to give everybody a chance to get sore at everybody else. Sometimes it takes two or three conferences to scare up a war, but generally one will do it.
I maintain that it should cost as much to get married as to get divorced. Make it look like marriage is worth as much as divorce, even if it ain't.
Well, the disarmament conference is off to a flying start. There is nothing to prevent their succeeding now but human nature.
The South is dry and will vote dry. That is, everybody that is sober enough to stagger to the polls will.
The Republicans have their splits right after election and Democrats have theirs just before an election.
There is nothing as easy as denouncing. It don't take much to see that something is wrong, but it does take some eyesight to see what will put it right again.
There is two things that can disrupt business in this country. One is War, and the other is a meeting of the Federal Reserve Bank.
Prosperity this Winter is going to be enjoyed by everybody that is fortunate enough to get into the poor farm.
Government investigations have always contributed more to our amusement than they have to our knowledge.
A liberal is a man who wants to use his own ideas on things in preference to generations who, he knows, know more than he does.
Us middle class...never have to worry about having old furniture to point out to our friends. We buy it on payments and before it's paid for it's plenty antique.
You know no nation has a monopoly on good things, each one has something that the others could well afford to adopt.
It wasn't what we needed then that was hurting us, it was what we was paying for that we had already used up. The country was just buying gasoline for a leaky tank. Everything was going into a gopher hole and you couldent see where you was going to get any of it back.
Why don't somebody print the truth about our present economic situation? We spent six years of wild buying on credit -- everything under the sun, whether we needed it or not -- and now we are having to pay for 'em, and we are howling like a pet coon.
You've never in your life seen a picture, I bet any one of you, never seen a picture of one of these old Pilgrims praying when they didn't have a gun right by the side of them. That was to see that he got what he was praying for.
Every time somebody has thought of relief for the farmer it has been to make it so he could borrow more money. What he needs is some way to pay back. Not some way to borrow more.
This thing about getting rid of a man in the Cabinet is all right, but there is one bad feature to it that few people realize. That is, that unfortunately every one of them is replaced by someone else. If it wasn't for that, this resignation business would be great.
If Wall Street paid a tax on every game they run, we would get enough revenue to run the government on.
The Supreme Court is divided almost in half on the decisions. Talk about an international court. How would we ever agree with a lot of foreigners when we can't even agree among our own judges?
You give us long enough to argue over something and we will bring you in proofs to show that the Ten Commandments should never be ratified.
Personally, I have always felt that the best doctor in the world is the Veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter...he's just got to know.
How is the government going to get the extra taxes? Out of the rich, or just out of the poor, as usual?
If you eliminate the names of Lincoln, Washington, Roosevelt, Jackson and Wilson, both conventions would get out three days earlier.
Labor Day, I suppose set by an Act of Congress. Everything we do nowadays is either by, or against, Acts of Congress. How Congress knew anything about Labor is beyond us.
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him... The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
The farmers can be thankful. Didn't the Farm Board decide in Washington last week that they could have cheaper interest? All the farmers have to do now is to find something new to put up as security.
Coolidge made less speeches and got more votes than any man that ever run. (William Jennings) Bryan was listened to and cheered by more people than any single human in politics, and he lost. So there is a doubt just whether talking does you good or harm.
The minute a thing is long and complicated, it confuses. Whoever wrote the Ten Commandments made 'em short. They may not always be kept, but they are understood.
Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth.
I am just an old country boy in a big town trying to get along. I have been eating pretty regular and the reason I have been is because I have stayed an old country boy.
That's the trouble with our charities; we are always saving somebody away off, when the fellow next to us ain't eating.
The man that found the 726-carat diamond in Africa, received $350,000 for it and wants to buy a farm and silk hat. Well, I can understand a man perhaps being eccentric enough to want to own a silk hat.
Quotes by Will Rogers are featured in:
Common Sense Quotes